Winning over partner

[Christine_Hart]

Interested to hear others' experiences and advice in terms of winning over a partner. Mine has known about me being trans for some time but has pretty much adopted a 'you get on with it' out of sight, out of mind type of approach. She's obviously not hostile but I haven't looked to push things in front of her. However, we've recently discussed things and decided to give it a go in terms of me dressing while she's around. This is obviously a big opportunity and I'm keen not to blow things by pushing things too quickly. I know, for example, that I tend to behave a lot more femininely when presenting as Christine but I'm worried that seeing some kind of personality/behaviour shift might be a turn off for her. Strange to say something like that as I'll be wearing a dress anyway but that's my worry. Maybe it's just a case of just almost carrying on like a normal day... apart from the fact that I'll be en femme of course. Thoughts?

Christine

[Allison S]

Oh yes I agree! Some men on the street said something in Spanish while I passed by thinking I won't understand what "pantalones" means as they're staring at me. I was wearing leggings.. it wasn't catcalling just gossip-y. Which I don't understand because it's manhattan I've seen hispanic women MUCH curvier than me.

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[CincySixx]

Interested to hear others' experiences and advice in terms of winning over a partner. Mine has known about me being trans for some time but has pretty much adopted a 'you get on with it' out of sight, out of mind type of approach. She's obviously not hostile but I haven't looked to push things in front of her. However, we've recently discussed things and decided to give it a go in terms of me dressing while she's around. This is obviously a big opportunity and I'm keen not to blow things by pushing things too quickly. I know, for example, that I tend to behave a lot more femininely when presenting as Christine but I'm worried that seeing some kind of personality/behaviour shift might be a turn off for her. Strange to say something like that as I'll be wearing a dress anyway but that's my worry. Maybe it's just a case of just almost carrying on like a normal day... apart from the fact that I'll be en femme of course. Thoughts?

Christine

In the end you gotta be you.
Be respectful if you wish since she is working with you.
But at the slightest crack of your walls if it becomes too negative..
Just remember you are you.
Dont let someone take that away.
Best of luck!
<3

[Daisy Jane]

It might be worth telling her in advance that you behave more feminine while dressed femme because you feel like you don't have to hide yourself. It will be less of a shock then. That's how I felt anyway, like I didn't need to hold up "the man mask" anymore.

[gallinarosa]

I agree with telling her about a personality change beforehand. My advice is talk. A lot. Before, during, and after. If you can, setup a therapist appointment to go to together so you can have a third party help you navigate the process and communicate your feelings about it in the best way possible.

And, if it is awkward or she feels uncomfortable, give her time and don't get bent out of shape about it. You have to let have her feelings and don't invalidate them. Us spouses have to work through things on our own time and sometimes our initial reactions are not reflective of how we will feel forever.

Good luck!

[Faith]

you're courting our wife. She has to get to know you. Yes, it's still you in there but there will be plenty new things that she has to become accustomed to. Don't be afraid to talk about it, she needs to speak her mind as well even if it hurts your feelings. She has to be able to express herself and know that you are listening.

I am lucky in my wife. While we do have a couple big hurdles we are working on, my clothes is not one of them ... she likes them.