Coming out to flatmates...

[lady amarant]

Hi all,

I need some sage advice... I'll be moving into a new flat soon, and I don't really know what to do about my status as a Transsexual. I'm working really hard on passability, so I'm always working on voice or manner or make-up, I'm coming home from electrolysis looking like the lawnmower got to me... the usual.

I've been lucky till now in that I was sharing with my brother, but he just went back home to South Africa (I'm stuck in cold, wet London) and so I've been forced to find a room in a shared flat.

This is awkward, because I was used to being relatively open about myself. He wasn't entirely comfortably with the idea, but he accepted it. Now that he's gone home, I promised myself to really get more 'out there', as much to build confidence and just have some fun as to work on passability, because I want to start my own RLT when I go home to South Africa in August.

This would all have been much easier if I'd managed to get my own flat, but rentals in London...

So, should I just be open about it from the start? Or should I lie through my teeth and tell them I'm working on my voice-over skills? My mom suggested that one...

[lady amarant]

Hi all,

I need some sage advice... I'll be moving into a new flat soon, and I don't really know what to do about my status as a Transsexual. I'm working really hard on passability, so I'm always working on voice or manner or make-up, I'm coming home from electrolysis looking like the lawnmower got to me... the usual.

I've been lucky till now in that I was sharing with my brother, but he just went back home to South Africa (I'm stuck in cold, wet London) and so I've been forced to find a room in a shared flat.

This is awkward, because I was used to being relatively open about myself. He wasn't entirely comfortably with the idea, but he accepted it. Now that he's gone home, I promised myself to really get more 'out there', as much to build confidence and just have some fun as to work on passability, because I want to start my own RLT when I go home to South Africa in August.

This would all have been much easier if I'd managed to get my own flat, but rentals in London...

So, should I just be open about it from the start? Or should I lie through my teeth and tell them I'm working on my voice-over skills? My mom suggested that one...

[IsabelleStPierre]

Hey,

Coming-out is a hard thing to do...regardless of who you're coming-out too. There is a rather large trans community in London...if you haven't connected with it yet it might be a good idea. While there aren't all that many trans people in the Kansas City area, I almost always know of a couple of girls looking for roommates to help make expenses more realistic to deal with...I mean...transitioning is bloody expensive!

I would not suggest getting into a flat and then telling them...you need to be honest with them before moving in...that's just my opinion...but only you truly know your circumstances and can decide what is right for you...

Peace and love,
Isabelle St-Pierre

[lady amarant]

Hey, Thanks Isabelle.

I'm still finding my feet in London, especially trans-wise. (I'm a VERY slow mover... glacial, almost ;-) Part of getting online in earnest over the last week or two is making those connections. Hopefully I can scare up a few friendships as well while I'm at it. Those tend to be all too few and far between.

[Pica Pica]

I'm in London, ever been to the trash house?

As for advice, I'd say just move in with who-ever, do what you have to and then answer any questions if they come.

[lady amarant]

Pica Pica: No, but this sounds intriguing... care to elaborate? Where?! What?! When?!

[IsabelleStPierre]

Another possible path is to see if there is a LGBT community center close to where you're at. We have one here in Kansas City and we don't have a large trans community...but the community that's here is rather close knit and we often help each other out when we can. There has to be a support group there too, I would be surprised if London didn't have one; actually I wouldn't be surprised if there aren't more then one.

It's been a long time since I lived in London...so any info I would have is out of date...

Peace and love,
Isabelle St-Pierre

PS What part of London are you in?

[Pica Pica]

it's in soho, it's just a kitsch bar, but there is so many variations of anything, it is quite a laugh - even just to people watch.

[lady amarant]

Thanks Pica, I'll be sure to check it out. Does it have a web-presence, or perhaps you could give me a ballpark idea of whereabouts it is. I don't know London central all that well yet.

Isabelle, yeah, I'm actually hard at work looking for a support group I can join - the LGBT community centre idea is one I hadn't thought of though - Thanks!

[Pica Pica]

er, no webpage and not much clue, it could actually be in the chinese bit somewhere...

[lady amarant]

I think I should take a weekend and go explore that part of the city properly one of these days...

Thanks Pica (or do you prefer Pica Pica?)

[Pica Pica]

i never really decided 

[Sarah]

Look.
Here's the thing.
Don't lie.
Be up front from the very begining.

This is very important, because some people have no issue at all.

Some do though, and if they find out after the paperwork is all signed, there will be some very uncomfortable living ahead of you.

Look at it this way: you don't want to live with someone who has a problem with it.

That will just make you feel very uncomfortable on a daily basis.
and them.

Just be straightforward from the very beginning and don't make a big deal about it. just like a side note after you have talked for a bit and you can tell they already like you. "by the way, I just wanted you to know that I am Transgendered. I don't know if that's an issue, but some people can have a problem with it so I just wanted to be up front about it."
That way if they do, you will know, from the very begining, if they don't you will also know and know that it will be cool.

That's what I did. For my current place and my last place.
I have great housemates, and I wouldn't have wanted to end up somwhere where someone was uncomfortable with me.

My advice.
Sara