Do you pass or not?

[Allison S]

I would imagine there are some who feel like you should wait to present as female til the hormones have enough time to do whatever they are going to do.   But if I was dressing for other people, I wouldn't be doing this whole thing.  I'm doing it for myself and my own happiness.  Not to flaunt myself or get attention or anything like that.  I just want to be happy and comfortable.  And I have reached a point lately where I actually feel less comfortable going out in boy mode than I do in girl mode.  Incredibly interesting thing to experience being so new to the whole thing.  And believe me, I question it.  I say to myself "well, if the HRT has had these kind  Of amazing feminizing effects already this early on, then surely after a year or two there is going to be so many more changes, so should I just wait to start presenting as female til people start mistaking me for female even when I'm boy mode?  I think that would be great, but why suffer in the meantime?  Why not just feel happy, and confident, and not worry about whether I pass or not, and just do what makes me feel comfortable and happy.  And if I'm happy, then mission accomplished.  I know what it's like to feel so wrong in your body, yet to feel like because you know you can't "pass", you continue to live in sadness not getting to be yourself.  Of course there are bad experiences to be had.  Jerks who would have the guts to say something.  But my experience so far has been very positive.  As long as you dress appropriately and don't overdo it, and don't go out looking like a hooker or something, most people aren't even going to notice, and those that do don't matter anyway, and aren't likely that o actually say anything.  It actually gives me a little bit of a thrill feeling when I see someone do a double take or stare at me a little longer than normal.  I could choose to let that make me afraid to go out next time.  But no.  I choose to be positive and look at it as a funny part of the whole experience.

I agree 110% I'm only 5 months and I go to my therapy appointment, support groups, grocery store and for walks in women's clothing now. Honestly it's mostly men that notice/pay attention and stare. Today I was crossing the steert and a guy was staring from his car as he drove by. [emoji23]

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[Jenny94]

Sorry if this has been mentioned already, but my favourite Youtube girl-crush Natalie Parrot, AKA Contrapoints, recently put down in words what I'd often thought about passing. There are three levels: (A) people look at you, speak to you, and instinctively use your preferred pronouns. (B) people can't tell that you're trans, until it's pointed out to them. (C) You can live for years in a place without anybody ever guessing you used to be a guy/girl.

When I make the effort, I feel like I achieve A. I don't often get misgendered, though when I trust to eyeliner and forego foundation, "sir" can happen. I sort of just roll with this, since I'm AMAB NB and I sort of don't care any more. I use my eyeliner and my female speech pattern, and if people take their cue from the male resonance that creeps in (gay voice!) or my height, then sod it. It only tends to happen if I'm in my trenchcoat and looking kinda androgynous. But I guess people are often confused (6'2).

As for the other two. It's complicated. Because at least in London, I honestly think people just think in terms of male/female. They've got people to see, they make a quick judgement, if someone points out "she was trans", they'll go "was she? Maybe, I didn't notice", and this is weird - this is where the height isn't that important. My instinct is that if it doesn't tip someone off immediately, then they don't notice even upon being told. 

As for (C), just lol. Never going to happen, and I guess I'm lucky with my NB identity that this hopefully won't bother me. I think with enough attitude, this won't stop me travelling the world. I think I'll always want to be trans-active on my facebook, so hiding it isn't really my scene anyway. That said, if I were binary MTF and 5'8, maybe this would be a goal of mine, and I know many people for whom it's a reality (though even among them, they choose to disclose quite often, because argh, it's annoying to hide such a big part of yourself forever. Though that's a privilege statement born of living in a reasonably liberal place.)

J xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[SassyCassie]

At this stage in my life, I find that I'm pretty passable. I haven't been addressed as 'Sir' by any strangers in a while now. Of course, the people I work with are still getting it wrong from time to time (I've been my true self at work for 9 months now), but they are getting better about that. On the phone, I don't get 'sir'red as much as I used to and in fact, I was called "Ma'am" by a woman at my insurance company who, in spite of having my records right in front of her with the centerpiece being my legal, still very masculine name. She sounded so embarrassed by that slip-up that she apologized profusely amid a barrage of "Sir"s. Ironically, this was during the phone call I made to ask if GCS was covered by the plan I was on.

Out in public though, I've been getting consistently addressed as "Miss" or "Ma'am". Guys often hold doors open for me, which took a bit of getting used to. Bathroom use has thus far not been an issue. Casual banter with other ladies (in a checkout line, for example) is becoming easier, especially as I gain more confidence at the consistency of my voice.

A couple of times, I've even noticed I've been getting a long, hard stare from a guy as I walk by. The first time it happened was as I was leaving a liquor store and walking toward my car. The guy I passed on the sidewalk made no effort to conceal his gaze following me as I walked by (like guys do). I remember thinking to myself, "What the h*ll are you staring at, buddy?" Immediately afterward, it suddenly hit me as to what he was staring at and I let out a prolonged, "Ohhhh..."

Just recently, I met one of Steph's neighbors and we chatted for a few minutes. She indicated the shirt I was wearing and asked, "What's 'T-Network'? Is that some kind of computer thing?"

"No," I replied, "That's the social group through which Steph and I met."

She said, "Oh," and after a moment it was as if a lightbulb went on in her head and she gave out a surprised, drawn out "OH!"

I thought, "Holy crap, she had no idea!"

Anyway, in a roundabout, storytelling way, I guess I've answered the topic question.
Do I pass? I certainly seem to.

[Allison S]

At this stage in my life, I find that I'm pretty passable. I haven't been addressed as 'Sir' by any strangers in a while now. Of course, the people I work with are still getting it wrong from time to time (I've been my true self at work for 9 months now), but they are getting better about that. On the phone, I don't get 'sir'red as much as I used to and in fact, I was called "Ma'am" by a woman at my insurance company who, in spite of having my records right in front of her with the centerpiece being my legal, still very masculine name. She sounded so embarrassed by that slip-up that she apologized profusely amid a barrage of "Sir"s. Ironically, this was during the phone call I made to ask if GCS was covered by the plan I was on.

Out in public though, I've been getting consistently addressed as "Miss" or "Ma'am". Guys often hold doors open for me, which took a bit of getting used to. Bathroom use has thus far not been an issue. Casual banter with other ladies (in a checkout line, for example) is becoming easier, especially as I gain more confidence at the consistency of my voice.

A couple of times, I've even noticed I've been getting a long, hard stare from a guy as I walk by. The first time it happened was as I was leaving a liquor store and walking toward my car. The guy I passed on the sidewalk made no effort to conceal his gaze following me as I walked by (like guys do). I remember thinking to myself, "What the h*ll are you staring at, buddy?" Immediately afterward, it suddenly hit me as to what he was staring at and I let out a prolonged, "Ohhhh..."

Just recently, I met one of Steph's neighbors and we chatted for a few minutes. She indicated the shirt I was wearing and asked, "What's 'T-Network'? Is that some kind of computer thing?"

"No," I replied, "That's the social group through which Steph and I met."

She said, "Oh," and after a moment it was as if a lightbulb went on in her head and she gave out a surprised, drawn out "OH!"

I thought, "Holy crap, she had no idea!"

Anyway, in a roundabout, storytelling way, I guess I've answered the topic question.
Do I pass? I certainly seem to.

Was he cute? Guys seem to always stare but they're never my type.. what a bummer

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[somme_girl]

I think I pass pretty damn well, but occasionally someone clocks me - im like stealth, but not trying super hard to do so.

one time someone sired me, then 20 minutes later I got a text from one of my friends asking if i had a tampon she could borrow. She doesn't know I'm trans I guess lol

[Allison S]

Update.. I think I'm andro now

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[Donna]

Today I had two ups and one down and one awesome. I called in for a plumber and said it was Donna from the building, she then said I'll get someone out ASAP Don. I corrected her and that was the down. At the drive thru at lunch I got my first ma'am. It was great then in the elevator at home a woman I've known for years asked if I was Doug's sister, when she realized it was me she said my hair suited me  and I looked good. The awesome, my wife is now calling me Donna. That feels
Amazing

[mm]

somme_girl, you definitely passed with your gf for her to ask if you had a tampon.

[Grocerycart]

I never pass too much. Once in a great while. My voice gives me awAy

[Northern Star Girl]

I never pass too much. Once in a great while. My voice gives me awAy

@ Cody aka: Grocerycart:  Once you decide to transition in earnest then you will be seeing some changes that will help you pass... don't expect fast results from HRT if you go that direction.... it can  be a slow process and requires your patience.
Wishing you well and please keep us updated.
Danielle

[Donna]

Today had another great moment. Out shopping for some new blouses and looking at dresses. A lady excused herself to get past me with her cart. It was a woman that lives in the building I manage and she has know me for three years. She said I looked familiar but couldn't place me. She though previous job or the hairdresser or somewhere. I couldn't stand letting her fret any longer. Said hi to her in my normal deep voice, her eyes welled up in tears and she gave me such a  huge hug. She asked my new name and had to call her daughter over to meet me as Donna. It was amazing to get a responce from someone like that. My wife thought it was sweet when I told her about it.

[jameswhiteshine]

Even though I present as a male, People always get confused when they see me without facial hair and I've even been told that I look like pre-everything FTM. Just for your information, I was assigned male at birth. My voice makes it pretty obvious I'm a man. Funnily enough, I was sounding kinda feminine until I hit my puberty and I never got sir'ed before my puberty. I hit my puberty pretty late at 18 years. If I wear a dress and go out without speaking anything, people would think I'm cis female even thought I'm tall @ 6ft 2 inches. I think it's because of my body structure, a narrow waist with a huge hip even though I am skinny AF. What do I have to say? I feel so confused because I understand the science behind my feelings but can't really help it with my will power.

[Lucy Ross]

Completely passable transpeople fascinate me.  I just watched the movie Transamerica and the very first thing in that is an excerpt from one of Andrea James's voice feminization videos, she's a great example of what I'm talking about, if you didn't know her history you'd have absolutely no idea.  That takes mountains of dedication and practice to attain, though.  My hope is that with time the public will just become more and more accepting of works in progress like ourselves, well myself anyway.

I've never cared what others think of me in the first place so have a leg up on many of you I think.  When I'm shopping I don't hear people snickering at me or giving me a persistent close examination so I'm doing something right, or I just exude so much confidence the rest doesn't matter, or they're being polite.  Even little kids don't seem to take an interest in me though.  People - myself included - have better things to do.

And if they do, so what?  I've adapted my father's (RIP) sage advice when he was teaching me how to drive - assume everyone on the road is a distracted idiot.  I mean, you're not going to hurt their feelings!  I just assume anyone I meet might spot the fact that I'm a dude with boobs and ce la vie.  The voice completely gives me away, though.  Will get to it someday.  Work in progress. 

[Shy]

I vary rarely get misgendered these days outside of my family who struggle with the new pronouns.
I think I blend in more than pass. I'm much happier just being myself and try not to stress about it too much:D

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

[Jamina]

I don't pass- At. All. The only times I get female pronouns is when I'm with sympathetic people and I've explicitly asked for them to be used. Out and about in the world it's 'sir' every. damn. time. I teach, and occasionally some kid will call me 'miss' but that's just because most primary teachers are female- I don't present as female at school. I think I've been gendered as female precisely once that I can remember since I came out to myself, and that person quickly corrected themselves.

I am pre-everything (well, have had laser, & grown my hair out for 18 months now- it's not great but it's better than it was) and I know I could try harder to pass- a good wig would go a long way- but I am often out with a face full of makeup & femme clothing, however, consistently, nope- still 'sir'. Being six feet tall, broad shouldered, and having a strong jaw & massive hands does get a girl misgendered. It would break my heart if I let it. But I don't. I have a general policy of not giving a sh*t. 

Maybe someday, if I ever manage to get on HRT (it's a long process in the UK/NHS) and if I ever get transplants or a wig I can stand to wear. But I'm not holding my breath.

[Sarah_P]

I guess I do? I get correctly gendered in person and on the phone (I don't know how the last few weeks with my sore throat and cough!). The only misgendering I know of is the occasional patron at work who knew me before, and that's 99% of the time accidental (I've had a couple malicious people though). I was at the mall a couple weeks ago, and I definitely noticed a bunch of cute guys eyeing me. 

I'm 6-1, but a cis girl friend of mine is only an inch shorter. Unless she wears heels!

[Donna]

My voice for sure gives me away all the time. People have known me here since 2003 and I can walk around the complexes completely Un-identified. I've had more maam's than sir's lately. Today i had some crazy rage road driver call me a dyke whore. Not the exact gendering I was looking for.
Carma's a bitch though as he didn't see the police car right behind him when he tried to run me over in a parking lot. Drunk and arrested and well deserved.

[Julie -2010]

Today had another great moment. Out shopping for some new blouses and looking at dresses. A lady excused herself to get past me with her cart. It was a woman that lives in the building I manage and she has know me for three years. She said I looked familiar but couldn't place me. She though previous job or the hairdresser or somewhere. I couldn't stand letting her fret any longer. Said hi to her in my normal deep voice, her eyes welled up in tears and she gave me such a  huge hug. She asked my new name and had to call her daughter over to meet me as Donna. It was amazing to get a responce from someone like that. My wife thought it was sweet when I told her about it.

That is great to hear.  Great stories

[LittleWitchGirl96]

There's no way to say this without sounding cocky but, yes, I pass to the point where guys usually don't believe me when I tell them. I feel very blessed to be able to move through society and be viewed as my true self after being on HRT for 11 months, but have learned that self-love and validation are far more important and rewarding.

[CallMeKatie]

I don't pass- At. All. The only times I get female pronouns is when I'm with sympathetic people and I've explicitly asked for them to be used. Out and about in the world it's 'sir' every. damn. time. I teach, and occasionally some kid will call me 'miss' but that's just because most primary teachers are female- I don't present as female at school. I think I've been gendered as female precisely once that I can remember since I came out to myself, and that person quickly corrected themselves.

I am pre-everything (well, have had laser, & grown my hair out for 18 months now- it's not great but it's better than it was) and I know I could try harder to pass- a good wig would go a long way- but I am often out with a face full of makeup & femme clothing, however, consistently, nope- still 'sir'. Being six feet tall, broad shouldered, and having a strong jaw & massive hands does get a girl misgendered. It would break my heart if I let it. But I don't. I have a general policy of not giving a sh*t. 

Maybe someday, if I ever manage to get on HRT (it's a long process in the UK/NHS) and if I ever get transplants or a wig I can stand to wear. But I'm not holding my breath.

I think you are amazing that you say you don't pass but go out and just say screw it