Let's see....at age three you realize that you are not a little boy and this is when you are taught about male and female parts. As you grow up, the hatred towards *that thing* grows stronger. The more your parents tell you that you are a little "boy", the more you hate your body & become rather obsessed with removing *that thing* yourself.
As a matter of fact, you try to cut *it* on three different occassions, but the pain is so excruciating that you give up. At night you feel like a complete failure because you weren't "strong" enough to put up with the pain and remove *it* from your body. You cry day and night. You pray to "God" to make you a girl. You make promises, imerse yourself in school, get good grades so that "God" can grant you your wish. Nothing happens, of course.
Eventually, you can't even stand looking at *it*, you shower in your underwear, you learn not to touch *it* ever. You enter a very depressive state, your parents worry, you are only ten. They take you to the therapist and he puts you on heavy anti-anxiety & anti-depressive drugs. These drugs help you. You are still sad but not suicidal. That's a good thing.
During your adolescence, you learn about SRS and at last you see a light at the end of the tunnel. SRS becomes your main goal. The more you work towards your goal, the more relieved you feel. The pain is still there, the hatred towards your anatomy is dormant, the incongruency is sometimes too much to bear, but at least there's hope now, and that hope keeps you going, day and night.
This is the story of a little girl who learned to deal with her birth defect for so many years until one day, she woke up and realized that "God" had finally granted her wish.
tink
