Friday, Feb. 17, 2006
Sorry for the long delay in responding! My 8 year old Macintosh Powerbook finally did it's last gasp and died. The Mac store was luckily able to retrieve my old files from the hard drive (the drive works, the main "board" died). I'm sitting at a friend's computer in order to attend to my long-delayed response.
Thank you all for your responses. The majority of you feel that I should include the (more serious) paragraph. It's my natural inclination, also, but my seriousness has, like some of you, gotten me into some hot water from time to time.
Andre - You mentioned that some people "some people build their happiness by making other feel miserable and unhappy." Yeah, a lot of religions and many groups certainly seem to have that as their raison d'etre.
Helen, You said, "Keeping it too light will diminish the deep seriousness of the request." Yes, that's what my fear was. On the other hand, if it comes across as too heavy (sometimes my tendancy), they might walk away, shaking their heads. You're right. Maybe my friend Jenny could mention some of my experiences so they can get some idea of what's at risk here. I'd hate to move there only to be pulled down by the same worries.
Kimberly - You suggest "later" might be a good time. I suppose. It's my natural inclination to point my head into the hurricane before it gets here, lol.
Steph - Thanks for rewriting the paragraph. I do like yours better than mine. Unfortunately, that first paragraph had already been sent. I was mainly asking about the second paragraph wherein I told them of the experience of getting insulted by one of my neighbors ("Dear George or whatever you call yourself now"). I promise to keep you'all informed of my progress -- thanks for your help and for caring.
Sheila - You said, "If one person knows the whole world knows. Secrets have a way of coming out." You can say that again! My ex used to tell me that secrecy was futile. There is NO way that, if one person at the company knew about me, that everyone wasn't going to find out about me. She said that "keeping things quiet about sexual differences is impossible." Horrible thought but I suppose she's right.
Leigh - You're probably a lot smarter than me in that you're moving to a locale where no one knows you. I love my friend, though, and so guess I have to take the possible bad with the good (ie. moving to where she's moving).
Beth - You said, "I would suggest an even stronger example than the neighbor. If you sound casual about it then they will not take it seriously."
Well, I could, easily, but I guess I don't want to alienate my good friend who is moving from L.A. to Washington State. If I do that, my good friend just might tell me, "Why don't you just move somewhere else?" It's a tricky balance. For now, her love (and vice versa) to me is worth the risk.
Steph - You said, "Even your most trusted ally and friend may make one innocent slip of the tongue to the wrong person and wham, done for." I guess that's what that whole "loose lips sink ships" thing was about in World War II. I have found that even I am not tempted now and then to say to a friend, "You know. I found something interesting the other day about..." It's human nature, I suppose, to do such things. Maybe it gives us a feeling of control. Unfortunately, the object of our talk loses control. And that, in this case, would be me.
Valerie - You asked if I trust these friends. Well, no. This whole concern of mine started when I went with my good friend to visit some of her friends in Santa Barbara. I found that these friends (who I'd never met) already knew about my past and this made me feel uncomfortable. Not for what happened in Santa Barbara, but for what might happen to me in Washington state. I voiced my fears to my good friend and she promised to get her two friends in Washington (who know about my past) to keep "mum" about it. Unfortunately, as Sheila points out, "if one person knows the whole world knows. Secrets have a way of coming out." Sheila's right.
Sara - You wisely pointed out that the written word is quite powerful and can be misinterpreted to such a point that these possible new friends in Washington my walk away and never speak to me again if I make it too blunt.
I remember, when I was "coming out" to various coworkers in 1998, I was apologetic to some, friendly towards some, and (anticipating the worse) hard-nosed and negative to some. One of the people who I was dreading coming out to was a guy who used to make fun of me. I practically screamed angrily when I came out to him because I felt I was giving him so much MORE power to annoy me now that he knew my secret of being TS. Well, surprise, surprise. He had fought similar trauma through being an alcoholic and had to "come out" as such to various people. In answer to my shouting, he asked me if my anger was about some serious illness? I told him it was about being a transsexual. He said, "Oh, I was worried there for a second. I thought I was going to learn you were going to die." He became a good supportive friend, after that.
I guess you never know who is going to be your next good friend. Thank you all, my good new friends at Susan's, for helping me along on this strange and sometimes surprisingly wonderful journey.
Teri Anne
