Dysphoria keeps returning...WHY??

[RachelH]

I know there are ebbs and flows, but dang!!  I have been absolutely fine for weeks and not thinking about a thing!  Then BAM, out of nowhere it hits me and I hate myself!!  This is not who I was raised to be but all I know is my body is not correct!  There is nothing feminine about me except my mind.  I feel bad for the feelings I have. I feel bad for KNOWING that 52 years ago I should have been a girl.  I feel bad for subjecting my wife to the real me. 

Before anyone says anything,  no I am not going to hurt myself, yes I am seeing a GT, yes, my wife knows, I am just venting a little and all I want to do is curl up and cry!!

Paula

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[KathyLauren]

Usually when dysphoria flares up, it is because of obstacles to transition.  So how is your transition going?  If I recall from a previous post, you were going to get started on HRT soon.  Is that still happening?

[RachelH]

Usually when dysphoria flares up, it is because of obstacles to transition.  So how is your transition going?  If I recall from a previous post, you were going to get started on HRT soon.  Is that still happening?

Thanks Kathy.  Sadly, no.  I convinced myself it was best not to...Family commitments.
Paula

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[AnonyMs]

You've just answered your question.

[Christy Lee]

Thanks Kathy.  Sadly, no.  I convinced myself it was best not to...Family commitments.
Paula

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I did the same thing for years, i was able to scare it away by looking at all the things involved with transitioning, or imagining coming out to all of my family all at once at the same time, it usually was enough to scare it away, but it never really goes away ... even moments thinking im fine dysphoria free, i would just randomly think i want to be female, why wasnt i born female?, ..... and tell myself to stop thinking that

[RachelH]

I did the same thing for years, i was able to scare it away by looking at all the things involved with transitioning, or imagining coming out to all of my family all at once at the same time, it usually was enough to scare it away, but it never really goes away ... even moments thinking im fine dysphoria free, i would just randomly think i want to be female, why wasnt i born female?, ..... and tell myself to stop thinking that

Christy, Darn You!!!  But WHY!!!! I must be the MAN but I can't help but thinking who I should have been!!


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[Allison S]

It's awful.. and not being able to transition makes it much worse I'm sure. [emoji17]

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[Christy Lee]

Christy, Darn You!!!  But WHY!!!! I must be the MAN but I can't help but thinking who I should have been!!


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Sorry

[RachelH]

Sorry

Don't be!  This is me and I need to figure this out!  Love you though!

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[RachelH]

It's awful.. and not being able to transition makes it much worse I'm sure. [emoji17]

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Hi Allison,  not being able to transition literally tears me apart daily. I know I should but my situation just tells me I cannot!  It drives me nuts on a daily basis!

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[Christy Lee]

Don't be!  This is me and I need to figure this out!  Love you though!

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I feel it too