Her name's Vikki. She's my ex-girlfriend. For me, she marked the end of a journey. A confusing one it was. I'm not even sure her real name is Vikki. But I won't question much about it. Don't matter. You see, Vikki is MTF transexual. I met her at a place in Morrisville, PA. She stayed in my apartment for a month, then moved on. My life went drastically downhill and I wound up in a hospital. Twice.
Nothing physical. The second or third time I remember walking around in Philadelphia where I never go and passing out on a side-walk from having walked all night and into the early morning. It was a hot day. I had urinated on myself, the fire ambulance that picked me up had a bunch of guys standing around me and they pricked my finger to see if I had diabetes. Then I was in the emergency room where a nurse demanded that I take my clothes off. Blink. Passed out again. Woke up naked on a hospital gurney with a catheter in me. Very thirsty. They kept me in the pysch ward for four weeks both times I was in "the hospital."
Did I tell them about my girlfriend? Yes. But not that she was TS. I simply got a little nuts because I had broken up. What I didn't tell them about was my own personal journey, about Kevin (a friend who ran a group for LGBTQ), about Susan's, or my own gender views. And I certainly didn't name Vikki by name.
I regret not having asked her about herself more. She had this tattoo that said "HOPE" on her back. She had a Barbie doll's figure, but was self-mutilating. She'd pick skin off herself with her finger tips and lick the blood off. She also had hep-C. I never learned when she'd had her surgery or surgeries. What her name as a boy had been. Nothing. She just saw me as a convienient guy to use as a door mat. And door mat I was. She called me an "alien."
For at the end of that month, I thought my apartment was haunted, that I was possesed by ghosts, that I could talk to ghosts, that I was a saint of the departed. OR SOMETHING CRAZY! Anyway...
Just wanted to say "HI" to my old friends here. I forgot my old email account name and forgot what username I used to use here. I think it was "Mired in Controversity" or "Misery Chick" or something like that. It's been years. *sighs* I never managed to get to know my possible "big sister" Vikki and find out what her journey had been. I failed her.
