Tough week!

[Asakawa]

I apparently got sick again and just went today to the doctor in the morning and was given some antibiotics and such. Been lacking a little bit of sleep and things were nuts with taxes (But I finished them myself for the most part!!). Also my schedule was deeply disturbed because of the sickness and taxes. I told my family that life was kind of unfair and began to talk about things I thought were unfair and the answer I got back was that 'It is all your fault because you wanted/wished it'. I was kind of shocked I don't think anyone would want problems and issues. I guess they might have been trying to quote the law of attraction or something. It's weird. I mean, for example I don't want my family to treat me that way, lol! I didn't want that! Needless to say I felt like there was no support there from family. I shouldn't be surprised! But still. It's so hard to deal with family since when it's strangers or friends you can just cut them off. I tend to be sentimental about family because I have not seen my dad since I was around 9 years old, so what I have left I kind of wish to try and treasure it. I also tend to use plural as in family, but it really is just one person. I guess I'm a little disconnected family wise. The rest of my family doesn't know I'm Trans. I don't think they even need to know TBH. I'd hate to be made fun of by then O.o. Yeah, I don't think I ever get support when things kind of go this way. It's so tough sometimes!

So yeah, had to drop that here. My heart feels a little sunken about it, but I try to be as strong as I can be . Life isn't perfect, oh well! I just want to find new pools of strength for the inside of me and the outside. The stronger I can be the better ! Like wonder woman or something . I think some say that pain makes you stronger, so I guess this is why things like these happen. Oh well!

[HappyMoni]

Sorry for the tough day, Hon. You have the right idea though. Never give in, it's okay to get down sometimes, but try to bounce back with being positive. You will get there. It always helped me to take  an active role in building my life in positive ways. There will be new supportive people that will come into your life. Seek them out, be open to them. New friends can help when some of the old ones fall away for whatever reason. Hang in there!

[Asakawa]

Thanks Moni  . At least I can come here and get some support from those going through transition also. My family put up with me while I was growing up as a toddler and probably put up with things I did too. I guess I should be able to handle such things better .

[HappyMoni]

Don't be too hard on yourself, okay. A very key part of my transition was realizing that I had a new relationship with vulnerability. I learned to embrace it. It was an important part of me as Monica. On the other hand stay strong in the central core of who you are. Defend it and don't let others talk you into feeling bad about yourself. Be a good person, be a good 'you' and people will recognize that. 

[Allison S]

 Congrats on finishing your taxes!! Yeah, I still have to get to that myself...
Family is sometimes soo not cool! We just want to be accepted and loved and when we hear weird negative things... Well I know it pisses me off!!

I'm in my awkward stage of transitioning that I should've been in at 12 or 13.. And my family knows this!! I think it's like a light bulb going off for them... Wondering how I've repressed and surpressed my gender identity for so long...

Well, dare I say, families can be more supportive of a child or teenager being trans. But when we become adults we sadly lose a bit of that compassion. I'm just speaking for my family. I really think they're just shocked


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[Asakawa]

Thanks all I spoke with family today and I sadly broke down to tears . Well, I guess it was needed because even though I went to sleep on it I still did not feel any better in the morning. So, I just mentioned the whole thing and that, really, I don't wish to bring upon myself bad things. It was a mixed reaction, but I think that now things are back to normal. I kinda wish none of this had happened, but I guess the past few weeks were too much for me. Not sure how I can make myself stronger so it just about never happens again. That is wishful thinking on my part . I know it will happen I just wish it doesn't happen more than once a year lol. Anyway, I just have to pick up the pieces and move forward, but I'm glad I can come here to share and have others, who are also transitioning like me, share and help. I think at some points I should have dropped some things I was doing and tried to get more rest because the tiredness kind made things worse.

[Rachel]

Asakawa, you are sick and were doing taxes and transitioning. You have limited support from family and sometimes being down and having a good cry can help.

Do not feel bad for being who you are. There is nothing wrong with you and you are a very good person.

[Asakawa]

Thanks Rachel. I do wish the cry had not happened. Now I feel even more drained! I told my family that we were going to go to the beach to make up for the whole situation. I just gotta be careful with the sun because of the antibiotics. Apparently it can make you sensitive to sunlight .Either way I always try to limit my sun exposure. I'm actually not a beach person, but family likes it. I'm glad taxes are over. I took me a bunch of reading and I think a week or so to get them done. I was stuck with the whole depreciation of assets calculation and at that point I switched to freetaxusa. Pretty much verified everything I had wrote down, but by then I just didn't want to go through the trouble of cleaning it all up and mailing it. So they just e-filed it for free since I didn't need to do the state taxes (I'm so poor). I'm all the wiser now and can definitely look up to next year . I'm hoping I can start to sleep earlier because I have to attend some bjj classes at 6am from mon to fri. I hope I can do it because I think they will be worth it.