Should I do it?

[vic]

I came out to my therapist and my best friend and I did it only because I know they won't tell anyone for sure. But I'm thinking about telling my grandma. She is the most progressive and supportive person in my family, but it took her some time to accept me when I came out as a lesbian (which I realized I'm not) and I'm really afraid that it would be too much for her. I know she loves me. I just don't want to disappoint her. She didn't want me to move out, and she always tries to talk me out of doing the more risky things. I know she just cares about me, but she also tends to dull my motivation which I don't have a lot. I think she suspects something (she even mentioned the transition once referring to a friend of a friend, and I'm pretty sure she just wanted to see my reaction). I don't want to lose her. I love her very much.

I should probably mention that we're living in a pretty ->-bleeped-<-ty country, and she really likes to gossip and I'm afraid that she could tell someone else and I'm not ready for that.

[Northern Star Girl]

I came out to my therapist and my best friend and I did it only because I know they won't tell anyone for sure. But I'm thinking about telling my grandma. She is the most progressive and supportive person in my family, but it took her some time to accept me when I came out as a lesbian (which I realized I'm not) and I'm really afraid that it would be too much for her. I know she loves me. I just don't want to disappoint her. She didn't want me to move out, and she always tries to talk me out of doing the more risky things. I know she just cares about me, but she also tends to dull my motivation which I don't have a lot. I think she suspects something (she even mentioned the transition once referring to a friend of a friend, and I'm pretty sure she just wanted to see my reaction). I don't want to lose her. I love her very much.

I should probably mention that we're living in a pretty ->-bleeped-<-ty country, and she really likes to gossip and I'm afraid that she could tell someone else and I'm not ready for that.

@ Vic:  Based on all that you have stated in your 5 posts since you joined Susan's the advice that anyone offers you must be tempered with your specific situation regarding the perhaps the not trans-friendly country that you are now living in... and with the delicate relationship that you described with your grandma and your family.

All of us that are transitioning have had to deal with family members and close friends and our relationship with them.....   that can be one of the biggest challenges of transitioning and only you know what you must do and only you know how you feel about them....   all of that needs to be considered along with your transition goals...

Others on here may have better suggestions but I am at a loss to offer more at this time.  Please keep us updated and perhaps more recommendations can be offered to help you cope with all of this.
Hang in there, and wishing you well with your transition journey.
Danielle

[Devlyn]

Big hug, Vic!

It's such a personal decision, with so many contributing factors. I had to come out to my family when my mom went into hospice. My siblings and I decided that given her history and religious beliefs it wouldn't be a good idea to tell her. I know I was in no rush to ruin a dying woman's remaining days.

By default, that means I didn't give her a chance to accept me. I'll live with that decision. I won't regret it, and I won't dwell on it.

Good luck with your decision.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Megan.]

As others have said, only you know your own situation,  and your safety should anyways be a prime concern.
Age is certainly not always a factor in acceptance. My mum (early seventies) has totally rejected me,  yet my 75 year-old Aunt was fully supportive,  and simply asked my new preferred name.
Ask yourself what are your motivations for wanting to tell them and then ballance that with the potential benefits or costs.

Good luck. X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

[DawnOday]

I saw this letter early on and learned a lot from it. I suggest looking it over and see if it's helpful. It really is well thought out and written,   https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,104243.msg780226.html#msg780226

[vic]

Thank you so much for all your kind words. I'm really touched. Especially by this letter. It's like reading about myself, I also used to wear pink and go to church just to please my family. And about age being a factor in acceptance - you totally right, Megan. My grandma is in her late sixties and has an open mind, when all her friends are just bigots full of hatred. But she wasn't always so open-minded. She changed a lot after my previous coming out, started reading a lot, learning about LGBT movements and all. I think she's more prepared now, but I'm not sure if I am. I want to start the transition as quick as possible and I know I can't do it alone, but maybe I should. It would be amazing to have her support, but I need to be rational. I think I should finish my degree (it'll take only a few months more) and end my toxic relationship first. Then move out to another country, find a job, rent a flat. I need to be independent and strong enough to handle a scenario in which she... rejects me. And it's gonna take a lot of hard work, but I think it's the best I can do in this situation.

Thank you once again. I feel a lot better knowing that I'm not alone.

[Devlyn]

Thank you so much for all your kind words. I'm really touched. Especially by this letter. It's like reading about myself, I also used to wear pink and go to church just to please my family. And about age being a factor in acceptance - you totally right, Megan. My grandma is in her late sixties and has an open mind, when all her friends are just bigots full of hatred. But she wasn't always so open-minded. She changed a lot after my previous coming out, started reading a lot, learning about LGBT movements and all. I think she's more prepared now, but I'm not sure if I am. I want to start the transition as quick as possible and I know I can't do it alone, but maybe I should. It would be amazing to have her support, but I need to be rational. I think I should finish my degree (it'll take only a few months more) and end my toxic relationship first. Then move out to another country, find a job, rent a flat. I need to be independent and strong enough to handle a scenario in which she... rejects me. And it's gonna take a lot of hard work, but I think it's the best I can do in this situation.

Thank you once again. I feel a lot better knowing that I'm not alone.

That is the numero uno reason we're here. 

Hugs, Devlyn