The Flying Lemur's Adventures In Transitioning

[The Flying Lemur]

I just re-read some of my earliest posts on this forum, and I realized how far I've come in just 6 months.  I started off terrified, expecting the worst, and yet I've had nothing but pleasant surprise after pleasant surprise.  Not sure how long my good luck will keep up, but I figure it's worth chronicling, for myself if for no one else.

So far, my family and friends have been awesome.  I've had some concerned reactions, but no rejections as of yet.  Even my relatives who aren't thrilled about me transitioning have been using my preferred name, at least to my face.  I've gotten plugged in to my local FTM community, and the guys have been terrific.  Supportive, friendly, and accepting.  I now volunteer with one of my local organizations.  My therapist has been amazing.  She has so much knowledge about the medical, legal, and social ins and outs of transitioning.  She also taught me how to play beer pong and flip cup.  (Not in a bar.  In her office.  I wanted to know.) 

I came out on FB (and therefore to almost everyone I know) on 10/14/17, and got a wonderful reaction.  Dozens of people pledged their support, and no one gave me ****.  I am now full time.  On the 29th I'll go to my first formal occasion presenting as a guy.  Sadly, it's a funeral, but it's a landmark nonetheless.  Had to go out and get some respectable male clothing, since all I had were t-shirts and jeans. 

I honestly don't think I've ever been happier in my life.  I still don't pass well, but I no longer hate my body so much now that I'm no longer apologizing for standing, walking, and carrying myself like a man. 

The only disappointments have been in the realm of how long I have to wait to get medical interventions.  The endocrinologist scheduled my first appointment 6 months out, and the plastic surgeon wants me to wait a year or so until my weight stabilizes before doing top surgery.  (I had weight loss surgery over the summer, and have been dropping pounds like they're going out of style.)  I suppose the time's going to pass eventually, but it's frustrating to have to wait.  I suppose I should just thank my lucky stars that transgender medicine is covered by Medicare, which is my insurance. 

Two friends of mine offered to help pay for my legal name and gender marker change, since I'm on disability and the expense would be difficult for me to cover. 

I'm actually a pessimist by nature, and I keep waiting for my lucky streak to end and for the **** to hit the fan.  Lord knows, I've had my share of horrendous luck in the past.  Maybe the Fates finally decided that I was due for a hot streak.  Either way, I'll take it. 

[steph2.0]

Yes! Except for going the opposite direction, your story is similar to mine, at least the positive reactions on coming out. (My thread is here: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=228563). You even came out on FB within a day of me (10-13-17), though I'm waiting to go full-time until I get some official name change paperwork finalized. Getting that started on Wednesday (10-25-17).

It is amazing how we all morph from shivering bowls of Jello into strong, purposeful people. It seems impossible in the beginning, but it really doesn't take all that long in the grand scheme of things.

Congratulations,

Steph

[The Flying Lemur]

Thank you, Steph!  And congratulations on the positives in your own journey!

Today I attended my first formal event as Ben.  Unfortunately, it was the memorial service of a childhood neighbor.  Even still, the daughters of the deceased, who were my playmates as a kid, were completely awesome about my new name and presentation.  They didn't bat an eye.  The loss of their mom is very sad, since she was an awesome person and a dear friend of my mother's, but her family continues to be fantastic.  I think she would have been proud. 

[steph2.0]

...the daughters of the deceased, who were my playmates as a kid, were completely awesome about my new name and presentation.  They didn't bat an eye.  The loss of their mom is very sad, since she was an awesome person and a dear friend of my mother's, but her family continues to be fantastic.  I think she would have been proud.

It sounds like she passed her awesomeness to her kids. It gves me hope for the future!

Congrats on a successful event, despite the sad occasion.

Steph

[The Flying Lemur]

I recently found out that my stepmother is making me a Christmas stocking with my preferred name on it.  It's embroidered with cool glass beads and everything.  My family and friends have been so awesome, I feel like I won the ****ing lottery. 

[steph2.0]

I recently found out that my stepmother is making me a Christmas stocking with my preferred name on it.  It's embroidered with cool glass beads and everything.  My family and friends have been so awesome, I feel like I won the ****ing lottery.

We have a winnah! Congratulations, Ben!

[The Flying Lemur]

So I haven't posted in this thread for a while, because I kept thinking that whatever I had to post was boring, and nobody would be interested except me and a couple of very sweet, polite people.

But something like 5 months(!!) has passed, stuff has happened, and I decided to post about it, whether anyone cares or not. 

First of all, things are still going super well, and I feel awesome.  I was actually pretty miserable for most of my life, but something seems to have happened to me when I just gave up on trying to be female.  I'd say it was like a flower opening, but that's not very manly.  Maybe like a corrugated cardboard box opening.  With a chainsaw inside.  Rrrrrrrrarrrrrrrrr chainsaws!! :p

After 6 months of waiting for an appointment and a month of fighting with my insurance company, I finally got a bottle of T-gel in my hands on January 9.  Gel tends to work more gradually and less dramatically than the shots, so I wasn't too surprised when there were no noticeable differences at first.  But 2 months later I'm starting to hear from people who say they're seeing effects now--my voice has entered that raspy, "sick all the time" sound which is a precursor to dropping, and apparently my face looks more masculine now.  I have no idea in what ways--no one seems able to say exactly.  People also tell me I seem more confident.  The surge in confidence and libido has the consequence that I'm back out on the dating scene again, and while my success is modest, it's a hell of a lot better than I was doing before. 

I'm still not passing, which I'm starting to think is mostly a self-confidence/body language thing.  I look at myself in the mirror a lot now, trying to gauge whether I'm carrying myself like a man or a nervous little girl.  (I never did master adult female body language.  It's either Bigfoot or Little Lulu for me.)  It turns out that there are a lot of corrections to make.  The positive side to that is that if I start giving out different social signals, maybe the passing thing will start happening.  Maybe.

Oh!  And my dad & stepmother's Christmas gift to me last year was a pledge to help me pay legal fees for my name change.  My court hearing is on Wednesday.  After that, I'll never have to deadname myself to anyone ever again. 

Thanks for reading--I'll probably post again in another 5 months. 

[Cassi]

Sorry, but if you don't post at least once a week a computer virus grows on you!