I got sir'd last night.

[Angélique LaCava]

Me and my husband went to a bar last night and after the bartender gave me my drink he said here you go sir. Apparently I made it known that it bothered me without saying anything because my husband said what's wrong babe and I told him what happened and my husband said that it had to be an accident because you look freaking hot and look nothing like a transgender. So on the next drink a different male bartender got me my drink said what can I get you ma'am  and when he came ack with my drink he said here you go babe. Why do y'all think the first bartender called me sir?

[jfong]

Probably just so used to sir-ing everyone  without even paying attention. I had it happen to me at a pride fest too.. when confronted  he apologize.

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[Another Nikki]

some people accidentally slip with presumably cis people. unless you differ in person, from your pictures your presentation is 100% female.

[Jessica]

Maybe the first bartender had been sampling his concoctions and couldn't  see straight, because obviously your female!

[Julia1996]

Maybe the first one outed you as trans and was being a Dick about it.

[Charlie Nicki]

Probably just so used to sir-ing everyone  without even paying attention. I had it happen to me at a pride fest too.. when confronted  he apologize.

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I agree.

[herekitten]

Wouldn't read much into it.  I've sir'ed so many people at times that sometimes it just rolls off the tongue regardless of the person's sex.  Based on your looks I would think it was accidental.

[Sophia Sage]

Why do y'all think the first bartender called me sir?

Assuming there wasn't any narrative disclosure, you were misgendered because of your embodiment.  How tall are you, how broad are your shoulders, how is your voice, and what was the lighting like? If your voice is low, and he only saw your silhouette, it would be an easy mistake for someone to make if he's not paying attention.

[Angélique LaCava]

Assuming there wasn't any narrative disclosure, you were misgendered because of your embodiment.  How tall are you, how broad are your shoulders, how is your voice, and what was the lighting like? If your voice is low, and he only saw your silhouette, it would be an easy mistake for someone to make if he's not paying attention.

but if it was something about me wouldn't my husband have told me? I mean my husband said if I looked anything like a transgender he wouldn't want to be seen with me and he wouldn't have dated me in the first place.

[Julia1996]

but if it was something about me wouldn't my husband have told me? I mean my husband said if I looked anything like a transgender he wouldn't want to be seen with me and he wouldn't have dated me in the first place.

Your husband actually said that to you? Im sorry but that's messed up. Especially since your husband is trans himself.

[Cassi]

Me and my husband went to a bar last night and after the bartender gave me my drink he said here you go sir. Apparently I made it known that it bothered me without saying anything because my husband said what's wrong babe and I told him what happened and my husband said that it had to be an accident because you look freaking hot and look nothing like a transgender. So on the next drink a different male bartender got me my drink said what can I get you ma'am  and when he came ack with my drink he said here you go babe. Why do y'all think the first bartender called me sir?

I'd be more concerned about the second one calling you babe in front of your hubby.

[Cassi]

Your husband actually said that to you? Im sorry but that's messed up. Especially since your husband is trans himself.

Probably just trying to make you feel better and over killed it.

[kitchentablepotpourri]

Next time someone says that to you, ask them why they are being so rude, so the next time they interact with another trans person they may think twice before acting like that again. And we have buying power, don't leave a tip for someone who has disrespected you, that's just rewarding bad behavior. 

[big kim]

Last time it happened to me it was the smarmy little prick on the checkout who said "have a nice day sir". I said "you too bitch". His mates fell about laughing, he wasn't as the supervisor said "see me at shift change Paul"

[Meghan]

Unless a person you talking to know you're in transition he/she will know how properly address you. Yesterday I was talking to Customers service from Mylan corporation and she was calling me Ma'am through the whole conversation.

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[Angélique LaCava]

Your husband actually said that to you? Im sorry but that's messed up. Especially since your husband is trans himself.

he's not trans though. He's not on the hormones anymore and doesn't plan to go back on them. Through his transition he kept stopping them.

[Angélique LaCava]

Probably just trying to make you feel better and over killed it.

my husband didn't even know I was trans when he met me and he's never lied to me before.

[Allison S]

That's rude I would've corrected him right away. Maybe it's different where you live but that doesn't really happen around here. People/strangers just avoid gendering me at all for the most part.

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[Dena]

There are other reasons this could have happened. Military members sometimes are so used to addressing everybody as sir, they do it out of habit. It's possible to be distracted and forget who you are currently dealing with. It's possible not to be aware of the correct terms to use and last but not least, there is always the good old fashion brain fart. Sometimes it's best to just let it slide but if you decide to discuss it, keep the discussion civil giving him the benefit of the doubt until you know differently.

[yayo]

He simply gendered you male. It happened. I'm sure you're more intimately familiar with your flaws than we possibly could be. It's important to be honest with yourself about them. Try your hardest to change the ones that CAN be changed (if they really bother you), accept the ones that can't be and minimize the chances of this happening again as much as possible.

Don't let your self-esteem hinge on the tiny glimpse of you someone else sees. Whether that's carefully angled photos that make you look your best online or bad angles/lighting that make you look your worst in person. You're a whole person, more than just a snapshot in time.

And you have someone who presumably loves you very much—I mean, he married you! But don't expect his trans issues to totally disappear...you know it doesn't work that way.