Things are slowly coming together, I'm getting excited! (8 month HRT update)

[Maddie86]

You have that happiness and spark I'm looking for, the updates are inspirational and you look great! If I looked that good I would go and stay fulltime!! Please keep the updates coming. Thanks for the inspiration, corrina

aw, thanks! Things will probably be a little slow for a few weeks but I will definitely keep updating as things happen. I think my next outing might be April 7th, my friend is having people go out to dinner for her birthday and I'm going to try to go to it and dress up. I already have another event that night though, I will have to leave early, I hope the people I'm doing the event with don't get mad at me, I don't know how to bring this up to them just yet

[Maddie86]

So I've already been dreading telling my dad about my transition, and today only confirmed that I have something to worry about. Someone at work brought up Caitlyn Jenner and my dad said she was a freak and kept calling her "it" or "he" and even made the comment "they probably like to take it in the ass!"... I dunno if he was half kidding and hamming it up a little but I think his thoughts on the subject are clear, he doesn't approve. He doesn't seem totally hateful to me, just really ignorant. Sure, I could try to enlighten him, but he's so stubborn and set in his ways that I know I'll never get through to him.

Lately he's been really difficult to deal with, and him cutting me out of his life is almost going to seem like a relief, and honestly I hate that I feel this way, I feel terrible about it. He's done so much for me over the years, and I really am thankful for it, but I can't put his happiness before mine. I was never going to be the son he wanted and the more I'm around him the more distant I feel from him. Back when my parents went through their divorce I didn't really talk to him at all, he was acting really childish and he was being a real jerk, I actually hated him back then. In a lot of ways it seems like he never grew up, he seriously acts like he's 12 years old, he's hard to be around. I'm not going to be the one to cut him out, I'll still maintain a relationship with him as long as he's willing and respectful, but more than likely I feel like I'm never going to hear from him anymore.

I'm taking small steps to be ready to distance myself from him if needed. I'm sure he and I will both need some space from each other at least for a little while at the beginning, and I'm wondering if I should even give him the address of my new apartment just yet. I can't come out while I'm working with him and luckily that problem is going to be solved I think. There's a company we've worked for on and off over the last couple years that we're not currently working for, and they called him a couple weeks ago saying that they have a job for the both of us and it's going to start next week. My dad's taking the job without hesitation, but I think I'm going to stay with this current company I've been with. This other job is only for 2 or 3 weeks anyways and I don't think this company I'm with now will hire my dad back again after he bails on them, I just hope they still keep me working even without him (he and I have been working together for them since January). If they lay me off though I think I can scrape by on unemployment until I find a good job. So far the job search isn't going very well, but either way I'm not going to be "out" at work for a long time, new job or not, so with my dad working for a different company I can still work this job until I find something new I guess.

April is going to be draining. I need to move into an apartment, get a new job, cook easter dinner, keep selling off some of my stuff, build up my wardrobe, see my therapist, see my doctor, and then have 3 sessions of electrolysis! and also on the 20th I'm playing a Green Day cover set with some friends that I'm going to have to practice for! Oh and I'm helping run a small feminist music fest on the 7th and 8th. ahhhhh! I'll keep everyone updated

[Northern Star Girl]

So I've already been dreading telling my dad about my transition, and today only confirmed that I have something to worry about. Someone at work brought up Caitlyn Jenner and my dad said she was a freak and kept calling her "it" or "he" and even made the comment "they probably like to take it in the ass!"... I dunno if he was half kidding and hamming it up a little but I think his thoughts on the subject are clear, he doesn't approve. He doesn't seem totally hateful to me, just really ignorant. Sure, I could try to enlighten him, but he's so stubborn and set in his ways that I know I'll never get through to him.

Lately he's been really difficult to deal with, and him cutting me out of his life is almost going to seem like a relief, and honestly I hate that I feel this way, I feel terrible about it. He's done so much for me over the years, and I really am thankful for it, but I can't put his happiness before mine. I was never going to be the son he wanted and the more I'm around him the more distant I feel from him. Back when my parents went through their divorce I didn't really talk to him at all, he was acting really childish and he was being a real jerk, I actually hated him back then. In a lot of ways it seems like he never grew up, he seriously acts like he's 12 years old, he's hard to be around. I'm not going to be the one to cut him out, I'll still maintain a relationship with him as long as he's willing and respectful, but more than likely I feel like I'm never going to hear from him anymore.

I'm taking small steps to be ready to distance myself from him if needed. I'm sure he and I will both need some space from each other at least for a little while at the beginning, and I'm wondering if I should even give him the address of my new apartment just yet. I can't come out while I'm working with him and luckily that problem is going to be solved I think. There's a company we've worked for on and off over the last couple years that we're not currently working for, and they called him a couple weeks ago saying that they have a job for the both of us and it's going to start next week. My dad's taking the job without hesitation, but I think I'm going to stay with this current company I've been with. This other job is only for 2 or 3 weeks anyways and I don't think this company I'm with now will hire my dad back again after he bails on them, I just hope they still keep me working even without him (he and I have been working together for them since January). If they lay me off though I think I can scrape by on unemployment until I find a good job. So far the job search isn't going very well, but either way I'm not going to be "out" at work for a long time, new job or not, so with my dad working for a different company I can still work this job until I find something new I guess.

April is going to be draining. I need to move into an apartment, get a new job, cook easter dinner, keep selling off some of my stuff, build up my wardrobe, see my therapist, see my doctor, and then have 3 sessions of electrolysis! and also on the 20th I'm playing a Green Day cover set with some friends that I'm going to have to practice for! Oh and I'm helping run a small feminist music fest on the 7th and 8th. ahhhhh! I'll keep everyone updated

Maddie:  Not only are you very distressed over the situation with your Dad and your job situation, and although you are tempted, I don't think that in the long term that you should want to cut your Dad out of your life.  You have a lot of bad history with your Dad and my initial reaction might have been the same as yours.   For now, temporarily perhaps, that might be a good thing but he is still your Dad no matter how you slice it.   Maybe after you continue your transition and go full-time and he and you get a little older, he just may come around....  "Hope for the best and plan for the worst." is a good motto for this scenario.

On top of all of this emotional stuff that you are dealing with then your April is an unbelievable time crunch, and an emotional and physical burden on you....   I don't think that there are enough days on the calendar in the Month of April to do everything on your list!!!!   Good luck to you getting your finances together so you can move out into your own place....  transitioning is much more enjoyable when you don't have to sneak around in female clothes and makeup.  !!!!    For sure.

Wishing you the best, as always, and keep your updates coming... please
Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

So I've already been dreading telling my dad about my transition, and today only confirmed that I have something to worry about. Someone at work brought up Caitlyn Jenner and my dad said she was a freak and kept calling her "it" or "he" and even made the comment "they probably like to take it in the ass!"... I dunno if he was half kidding and hamming it up a little but I think his thoughts on the subject are clear, he doesn't approve. He doesn't seem totally hateful to me, just really ignorant. Sure, I could try to enlighten him, but he's so stubborn and set in his ways that I know I'll never get through to him.

Lately he's been really difficult to deal with, and him cutting me out of his life is almost going to seem like a relief, and honestly I hate that I feel this way, I feel terrible about it. He's done so much for me over the years, and I really am thankful for it, but I can't put his happiness before mine. I was never going to be the son he wanted and the more I'm around him the more distant I feel from him. Back when my parents went through their divorce I didn't really talk to him at all, he was acting really childish and he was being a real jerk, I actually hated him back then. In a lot of ways it seems like he never grew up, he seriously acts like he's 12 years old, he's hard to be around. I'm not going to be the one to cut him out, I'll still maintain a relationship with him as long as he's willing and respectful, but more than likely I feel like I'm never going to hear from him anymore.

I'm taking small steps to be ready to distance myself from him if needed. I'm sure he and I will both need some space from each other at least for a little while at the beginning, and I'm wondering if I should even give him the address of my new apartment just yet. I can't come out while I'm working with him and luckily that problem is going to be solved I think. There's a company we've worked for on and off over the last couple years that we're not currently working for, and they called him a couple weeks ago saying that they have a job for the both of us and it's going to start next week. My dad's taking the job without hesitation, but I think I'm going to stay with this current company I've been with. This other job is only for 2 or 3 weeks anyways and I don't think this company I'm with now will hire my dad back again after he bails on them, I just hope they still keep me working even without him (he and I have been working together for them since January). If they lay me off though I think I can scrape by on unemployment until I find a good job. So far the job search isn't going very well, but either way I'm not going to be "out" at work for a long time, new job or not, so with my dad working for a different company I can still work this job until I find something new I guess.

April is going to be draining. I need to move into an apartment, get a new job, cook easter dinner, keep selling off some of my stuff, build up my wardrobe, see my therapist, see my doctor, and then have 3 sessions of electrolysis! and also on the 20th I'm playing a Green Day cover set with some friends that I'm going to have to practice for! Oh and I'm helping run a small feminist music fest on the 7th and 8th. ahhhhh! I'll keep everyone updated

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Maddie:  Not only are you very distressed over the situation with your Dad and your job situation, and although you are tempted, I don't think that in the long term that you should want to cut your Dad out of your life.  You have a lot of bad history with your Dad and my initial reaction might have been the same as yours.   For now, temporarily perhaps, that might be a good thing but he is still your Dad no matter how you slice it.   Maybe after you continue your transition and go full-time and he and you get a little older, he just may come around....  "Hope for the best and plan for the worst." is a good motto for this scenario.  In my transition history my Dad is not talking to me right now either, but my Mom is talking with me a little and she actually called me Danielle when I called her at Christmas time.

On top of all of this emotional stuff that you are dealing with then your April is an unbelievable time crunch, and an emotional and physical burden on you....   I don't think that there are enough days on the calendar in the Month of April to do everything on your list!!!!   Good luck to you getting your finances together so you can move out into your own place....  transitioning is much more enjoyable when you don't have to sneak around in female clothes and makeup.  !!!!    For sure.

Wishing you the best, as always, and keep your updates coming... please
Danielle

[Allison S]

So I've already been dreading telling my dad about my transition, and today only confirmed that I have something to worry about. Someone at work brought up Caitlyn Jenner and my dad said she was a freak and kept calling her "it" or "he" and even made the comment "they probably like to take it in the ass!"... I dunno if he was half kidding and hamming it up a little but I think his thoughts on the subject are clear, he doesn't approve. He doesn't seem totally hateful to me, just really ignorant. Sure, I could try to enlighten him, but he's so stubborn and set in his ways that I know I'll never get through to him.

Lately he's been really difficult to deal with, and him cutting me out of his life is almost going to seem like a relief, and honestly I hate that I feel this way, I feel terrible about it. He's done so much for me over the years, and I really am thankful for it, but I can't put his happiness before mine. I was never going to be the son he wanted and the more I'm around him the more distant I feel from him. Back when my parents went through their divorce I didn't really talk to him at all, he was acting really childish and he was being a real jerk, I actually hated him back then. In a lot of ways it seems like he never grew up, he seriously acts like he's 12 years old, he's hard to be around. I'm not going to be the one to cut him out, I'll still maintain a relationship with him as long as he's willing and respectful, but more than likely I feel like I'm never going to hear from him anymore.

I'm taking small steps to be ready to distance myself from him if needed. I'm sure he and I will both need some space from each other at least for a little while at the beginning, and I'm wondering if I should even give him the address of my new apartment just yet. I can't come out while I'm working with him and luckily that problem is going to be solved I think. There's a company we've worked for on and off over the last couple years that we're not currently working for, and they called him a couple weeks ago saying that they have a job for the both of us and it's going to start next week. My dad's taking the job without hesitation, but I think I'm going to stay with this current company I've been with. This other job is only for 2 or 3 weeks anyways and I don't think this company I'm with now will hire my dad back again after he bails on them, I just hope they still keep me working even without him (he and I have been working together for them since January). If they lay me off though I think I can scrape by on unemployment until I find a good job. So far the job search isn't going very well, but either way I'm not going to be "out" at work for a long time, new job or not, so with my dad working for a different company I can still work this job until I find something new I guess.

April is going to be draining. I need to move into an apartment, get a new job, cook easter dinner, keep selling off some of my stuff, build up my wardrobe, see my therapist, see my doctor, and then have 3 sessions of electrolysis! and also on the 20th I'm playing a Green Day cover set with some friends that I'm going to have to practice for! Oh and I'm helping run a small feminist music fest on the 7th and 8th. ahhhhh! I'll keep everyone updated

Sorry to hear about your dad! I know how that goes but for different reasons. I think people at your job probably look down on your dad. Whenever someone bashes others it shows bad character, I think. I don't know how your job is, but there's other trans women that are out at their jobs in construction. My cis friend just mentioned to me a trans person that works in the field. I think it's awesome!

I'm dreading April too, I actually have to do the same things for the most part. I just wanna transition in peace and have everything stay exactly the same for a year or two. But, yeah, the opposite is more likely. Good luck!!

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

[Maddie86]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Maddie:  Not only are you very distressed over the situation with your Dad and your job situation, and although you are tempted, I don't think that in the long term that you should want to cut your Dad out of your life.  You have a lot of bad history with your Dad and my initial reaction might have been the same as yours.   For now, temporarily perhaps, that might be a good thing but he is still your Dad no matter how you slice it.   Maybe after you continue your transition and go full-time and he and you get a little older, he just may come around....  "Hope for the best and plan for the worst." is a good motto for this scenario.  In my transition history my Dad is not talking to me right now either, but my Mom is talking with me a little and she actually called me Danielle when I called her at Christmas time.

On top of all of this emotional stuff that you are dealing with then your April is an unbelievable time crunch, and an emotional and physical burden on you....   I don't think that there are enough days on the calendar in the Month of April to do everything on your list!!!!   Good luck to you getting your finances together so you can move out into your own place....  transitioning is much more enjoyable when you don't have to sneak around in female clothes and makeup.  !!!!    For sure.

Wishing you the best, as always, and keep your updates coming... please
Danielle

yeah, I don't WANT to cut him out, but I think I'm going to have to for a while. Like I said, I'm willing to keep him in my life, but I'm not going to deal with him if he's going to be mean to me. He can be very nice sometimes but he can also be very short tempered and quick to anger, he often reacts and never stops to think things through, everything has to be explained to him... sometimes it feels like i'm the parent and he's the child! He plans on retiring in a couple years and he wants to move to North Carolina, and he wants me to come visit all the time and go fishing with him. He doesn't even fish!! He thinks that I love fishing but I don't, and I've told him that! I was into it for a little while but it was always just a casual thing, and it's been like 4 years now since I've even done it! He's pretty oblivious to me and my interests even though we're around eachother a lot.

I'm sorry that things are kinda rocky with your parents too. as for my mom I think she will just think it's weird but I don't think she will be mad at me and shut me out. She might not reach out to me but I think if I were to call her up she would answer, I dunno. ugh.... this is the hardest part! this is why I've been putting it off so long!

Sorry to hear about your dad! I know how that goes but for different reasons. I think people at your job probably look down on your dad. Whenever someone bashes others it shows bad character, I think. I don't know how your job is, but there's other trans women that are out at their jobs in construction. My cis friend just mentioned to me a trans person that works in the field. I think it's awesome!

I'm dreading April too, I actually have to do the same things for the most part. I just wanna transition in peace and have everything stay exactly the same for a year or two. But, yeah, the opposite is more likely. Good luck!!

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Yeah, sometimes at work when my dad goes off to do something I vent my frustrations and some of the guys agree with me. I think he just really needs to retire. He's worked really hard over the years and he's done a great job and now he's just developed a bad attitude and I think it's going to ruin his legacy. and yeah I'm sure there's trans women who work construction, but I really don't want to be one of them lol. It's a very physical job and every time I bump my leg on something I think "oh no! that's going to leave a bruise! I won't be able to wear a skirt for a while!", and I see a lot of the people who have done it for a while develop muscle problems, and I don't want that to be me in 20 years.

also, Allison and Danielle, thank you so much for all your responses to my posts, it makes me feel better that someone is listening! A lot of times even my own friends don't respond to stuff I post in my secret facebook group and I get discouraged

[Maddie86]

oh, and this dad stuff is working its way into my dreams. last night I had a dream where I was downtown and there was a huge flood and one of the rivers in town was actually flowing backwards and my dad fell in. I knew he was never coming back out and it made me really sad, but I accepted the fact that he was gone. I hired a team of people to find the stuff he had on him when he went in and someone brought up something that had involved teeth. That's kinda funny because yesterday on the way home someone brought up braces and my dad mentioned how I never had them, and then I said that I did have some pretty big gaps between my teeth and then with pride he said "that's a family trait! you wouldn't want to get rid of that!"... ugh, I really want braces now!!

[Corrina]

Hi Maddie, I see this is an emotional time with hrt moving and your Dad. I don't understand why people are so dorky. I hope they're going to move but it seems these are the type of people who will push it until the last day. Sorry to sound like a wiener. I wish you luck with your dad. My dad passed away but I still have my mom to contend with not to mention brothers. I am the middle of five but the biggest one. I am heavily muscled right now. My defense against stress after I begin hrt that will change. For your sanity choose a way and time to tell your dad. He has to have an idea something is up you are very feminine looking now. Good luck. Corrina

[Allison S]

Maddie, I think going through transition we tend to understand more. Not that cis people can't or don't try, but it's a bit different for them.

No offense but sounds like your dad is losing it? I know my siblings and I can agree my dad is at that point at 65 where he is very off with things and having early signs of going senile. But then again, that's early for his age. It could be that's how he's always been and I just haven't tried to pay attention before. But it's gotten worse.

Sounds like you need a break from your dad if you're having dreams like that!

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

[Maddie86]

Maddie, I think going through transition we tend to understand more. Not that cis people can't or don't try, but it's a bit different for them.

No offense but sounds like your dad is losing it? I know my siblings and I can agree my dad is at that point at 65 where he is very off with things and having early signs of going senile. But then again, that's early for his age. It could be that's how he's always been and I just haven't tried to pay attention before. But it's gotten worse.

Sounds like you need a break from your dad if you're having dreams like that!

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

oh yes, it definitely seems like he's losing it, which is one more reason I think he needs to retire. He remarried and i'm actually really glad that he has his wife to take care of him, I'm not sure if my sister and I could handle him without her

and on a lighter note, I got out of work early today and cleaned myself up and decided to play around with my makeup! after last weekend I wanted to work on a way lighter look, so I just did some eyes shadow, mascara, lipstick, and concealer, and I really like how I look!! a lot more natural. I think I should still add a little foundation but I feel more confident like this and it didn't take as long. Oh and I'm rockin my new Intelligentsia coffee tank top that danielle requested a picture of in another thread

[Northern Star Girl]

oh yes, it definitely seems like he's losing it, which is one more reason I think he needs to retire. He remarried and i'm actually really glad that he has his wife to take care of him, I'm not sure if my sister and I could handle him without her

and on a lighter note, I got out of work early today and cleaned myself up and decided to play around with my makeup! after last weekend I wanted to work on a way lighter look, so I just did some eyes shadow, mascara, lipstick, and concealer, and I really like how I look!! a lot more natural. I think I should still add a little foundation but I feel more confident like this and it didn't take as long. Oh and I'm rockin my new Intelligentsia coffee tank top that danielle requested a picture of in another thread

Dear Maddie:  Thank you for posting your picture (per my request!!) of wear you wearingyour new Tank Top and holding a cup of your favorite $11 per bag coffee.   
        No kidding here, YOU LOOK ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIC !!!

Please continue to keep us all updated regarding your transition journey.
Hugs,
Danielle

[Rachel]

Hi Maddie,

You have  a lot going on without transition let alone transitioning.

I think you have a great plan working on your own. It sounds like your dad is not supporting now and a bit abusive. A little distance will be good.

As far as transitioning, you have a lot going on and making very good progress. So remember to look back and review all your progress and not just look forward at all that needs to be done. When things got heavy and the future looked to be too much I shortened what I needed to do to manageable pieces. When things get too much I skipped a few things and relieved the mounting stress.

Good luck in April.

[Maddie86]

Dear Maddie:  Thank you for posting your picture (per my request!!) of wear you wearingyour new Tank Top and holding a cup of your favorite $11 per bag coffee.   
        No kidding here, YOU LOOK ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIC !!!

Please continue to keep us all updated regarding your transition journey.
Hugs,
Danielle

Thank you!!

and here's an update: my friend who owns the apartment I'm moving into said that he drove by earlier and there was a uhaul truck there, so those other tenants are moving out! He will know for sure by Monday if they're gone and then he's going to call a locksmith and I can hopefully start moving in next weekend! this is so exciting!!!

[Maddie86]

Hi Maddie,

You have  a lot going on without transition let alone transitioning.

I think you have a great plan working on your own. It sounds like your dad is not supporting now and a bit abusive. A little distance will be good.

As far as transitioning, you have a lot going on and making very good progress. So remember to look back and review all your progress and not just look forward at all that needs to be done. When things got heavy and the future looked to be too much I shortened what I needed to do to manageable pieces. When things get too much I skipped a few things and relieved the mounting stress.

Good luck in April.

Thanks

[Allison S]

Yay!! So exciting that you're moving to a new apartment.. that's your very own!! I can't wait to do the same [emoji4]

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[Maddie86]

So I'm kind of bummed. I was planning on dressing up as Maddie next weekend for my friend's birthday dinner but the more I think about it the more it seems like a bad idea. First off, there's an event that night that I was involved with planning and it's been in the works for months, but then last week I found out that my friend planned a birthday dinner for the same night, she said it was the only night she could do. I was ready to bail on my event because I knew that the whole night I would just be sad that I wasn't at dinner with my friends, but I'd feel so guilty doing that. but there's other reasons I don't want to go anymore.

Yesterday my one friend called me up. He's seriously like the only male that I still hang out with regularly. He's also dating the girl that's having the birthday dinner. He knew I was planning on dressing up and he wanted to give me a heads up that his girlfriend's brother was going to dinner with them. I've never met the guy before so he just wanted to let me know. Then he said he was concerned about me unintentionally making the night about me and not about his girlfriend. Some of the people at the dinner have seen me dressed up before, but others haven't. Honestly, the thought had crossed my mind, and I love my friend and I don't want to steal her thunder, but I shouldn't feel selfish for wanting to be myself! I actually asked her if it was ok if I dressed up and she said she didn't care. "I don't care" doesn't sound too enthusiastic and supportive to me, I have another friend who had a bday back in december and she actually told me that I should come dressed up and that everyone would be fine with it.

So I saw my male friend today and I asked him if his girlfriend asked him to talk to me when he called yesterday, but he said it wasn't the case, it was just something that crossed his mind that he wanted to address. He said that even though he knows I'm transitioning that I still think like a guy sometimes and that I might just talk about myself all night. I found that kinda offensive. At that point I realized that even if I dressed up I'm sure he would still call me by my male name all night and keep calling me "he" and "dude". I don't think it would be intentional, he's not mean spirited, he just honestly doesn't think of it and isn't sensitive to it.

On top of all this, I know I'm going to have a hard week at work and I'm hopefully going to start moving into my new apartment, and then with this event I'm working on it might all be too much to handle, on top of all that I don't wanna have to worry about getting all dolled up!

I'm bummed because he was worried about me making the night about me, and now I feel like I'm going to be doing that anyways... if I dress up it's because I want all eyes on me, and if I don't go then it's because I can't have my way and I'm being a selfish brat. I hate this. I need a hug.

[Northern Star Girl]

Maddie:   What a catch 22 that you are involved in dressing as Maddie when you go to your girlfriend's Birthday Party.
You have already been thinking about all the possibilities, and possible good things and possible problems with that... so obviously you are the one to make the final decision on what you are going to do.....
........... it will be interesting seeing your update the next morning after the party.
So, per your request........ see below:
Hugs, Danielle

NOTE:  I AM SENDING YOU A BIG AND ALSO A COUPLE BIGGER HUGS....
   Hug      Hug       Hug

[Northern Star Girl]

Thank you!!

and here's an update: my friend who owns the apartment I'm moving into said that he drove by earlier and there was a uhaul truck there, so those other tenants are moving out! He will know for sure by Monday if they're gone and then he's going to call a locksmith and I can hopefully start moving in next weekend! this is so exciting!!!

Maddie:  I am hoping that your apartment arrangements will happen as you have planned.   
It will be good for you in a lot of ways to have your own place... you won't have to sneak out of your mom's house in female mode among other things.   Updates will obviously be good for all of us to see.
Hugs, Danielle

[Allison S]

I think you should go to your friend's birthday dinner the way YOU want to go. And I think that's as yourself.. don't let others decide for you is my opinion. It's a hard situation to be in.. with friends like that..

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[Maddie86]

NOTE:  I AM SENDING YOU A BIG AND ALSO A COUPLE BIGGER HUGS....
   Hug      Hug       Hug

Thanks 

So this morning my friend got at me to go for a walk, which I was happy about. She said how she was excited for next saturday and then I told her that I didn't know what to do and I voiced my concerns. I didn't get any bad vibes from her, I think it was mostly her boyfriend doing the worrying, but she told me I can come however I wanted, she just told me that she wants me to be there and she wants me to be comfortable. I still feel like I can't ditch out on my prior obligations though, which she said she understands, so I think I'm just going to go to my event for most of the night and leave a little early to catch up with my friends after dinner, still in male mode unfortunately. Doing both in one night will make me feel rushed and I hate that, because that's when I get nervous and don't do a good job with my makeup. This is just going to be a night of me playing things by ear I guess, we'll see what happens.

oh, and to add insult to injury, I actually got a package from Amazon delivered today. It was the high heels I ordered to wear to dinner.