Yesterday morning was probably one of the worst stretches of 3 hours in my life and it was mostly avoidable. I'm posting this to potentially save you some of the heartaches.
at 4:59 yesterday morning my ex-wife (We get along well; there was not a single disagreement during the divorce. The relationship is obviously strained but we are still friends.) called me. Her father, who was loved by all, hated by none, had passed away that night. He was 95 so it was inevitable but still "quick". We figured he would outlast us all.
The call was 15 seconds as she had other people to notify (our kids probably) and arrangements to make. I laid in bed for 2 hours crying like a baby. I was totally upset for a number of reasons but the biggest one was my confusion over "can I go to the funeral?" My ex is part of a family with 6 kids, a dozen or two grandchildren and I've lost track of how many great-grandchildren there are. All of them know about me and the divorce but none have met me as Denise.
If I don't go then how does that look? If I do go then I'm going to be a distraction from what is going on. I need to support my ex but how? (She's a complicated woman and hard to read at times.)
TL;DR
I'm a wreck because a wonderful man who I loved with all my heart died. (I had not seen him since I came out.)
I'm worried about my kids.
I have no idea if I'm invited to the funeral.
I have no idea how to support my ex.
I have no idea who to talk to.
The last three items may have caused me the most sadness. My recommendation is if you get along with your spouse talk ahead of time about these topics. DO NOT wait until you need the information. Like a living will or organ donor stuff, since death is inevitable, talk about these things ahead of time. Laying on the bathroom floor for an hour in a fetal position is not healthy.
