Okay, I'll answer based on my own experience.
Quote from: gwencook on March 19, 2018, 12:05:57 PM
1) whenever I look at another female instantly my mind tells me that I wish I was them not that I had similar traits like long hair or breasts, but that I actually was that female. A little after my mind sometimes tells me I wish I had hair like hers and could style it, or I wish had her breasts etc. Is this normal for other people to instantly wish to be someone else before putting the traits onto oneself? Which leads to point two.
Yes, for me it was very normal. I understand totally what you're trying to say. And this is something that, I feel is kind of important to understand and get your head around. It's a subtle but significant thing. You don't want to be
like someone, you want to
be yourself. It isn't what someone has, or how they look, but that they come from a foundation which facilitates that. It's like... hmm... for the sake of an example let's say guys were made out of stone, and women were made from clay. The desire isn't the sculpture that could be made
from that stone, or clay, it's the desire to be actually made
of the other one to how you are right now. The need to be made from clay, to be allowed to sculpt yourself, you know?
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2) my therapist a few weeks ago asked me to think of the following question and get back to her "how do I see my appearance in my mind?" Now for me I find this very strange, and stranger still to explain it, the way I view myself changes constantly. My best way of explaining would be to say it's like a ghost limb. In my mind the breasts are already there, the long hair is already there etc. No obviously I've never had female looks or appendage so I wouldn't know the weighting or exact feel etc but to me it feels at time like its already a part of me. And yet at other times these feelings won't be there. Its not a case of that I constantly hate the way that I look its more that when I see myself as a bit more male my mind tells me I'd rather be female then present as a male rather then be a male who presents as female.
I'm not overly sure if any of this make sense but any and all help would be much appreciated.
Much love xox
It does make sense, Gwen. It's about your core sense of self, not your outward expression. As I said above, it's more about the foundation than what's built upon it. And that's kinda what I think you feel. It's something separate from what you like to do, or the way you like to dress. It's how you feel at the very centre of your being. The thing your whole life springs from. And it makes a lot of sense to me. Feeling you
are who you are, is different from feeling like you want to
be who you are.
I feel the same way you do. A lot, honestly. I get what you're trying to say. You're trying to see the world as you. But it's more an instinctual level than any particular physical attribute, or sense of appearance. It's just being. It's knowing you are who you are without needing to quantify it by saying "I need this particular bust size, or that particular hair style/colour." It's just knowing. The ghost limb feeling is one I understand. It's more like a ghost body.
Women don't always have to be "girly". But however we are, we're still women. I think that's what you're realising, and how you feel. I would say that's a pretty deep level of insight about yourself, actually.
*extra big hug*
What, specifically are you confused about, sweetie?
