An update.
It has been a while since I left any tidits here. Life has been good and I have been busy living it.
On the lawsuit front. I got word from my attorney that the defendants received the complaint on March 5th. That started the clock for them to answer the discovery within 30 days (or ask for an extension). I have not heard anything further. Thirty days is this coming Wednesday.
I have had a couple of conversations with Penny about surgeries. GRS and facial work. They went well. She indicated that she has, for quite some time, expected that I would have GRS done, eventually. So, she has been resigned to the eventuality for a while. It is not something she really wants but she, frankly, fears that I would come to be resentful if she tried to stand in the way or give any ultimatums that would stop me from doing what I think I need to do. She is well aware that sexual functionality as it used to be will never return so there is not a lot of benefit to her for me to keep the guy around.
My concern is that she has effectively put the potential blame squarely on me if we lose our sexual intimacy. My wife is decidedly hetersexual. I fear that she will not be interested, even worse, repulsed, if I do not have at least the form of a man. She cannot give me much in the way of assurance that she would be able to intimate. I understand that it is hard to know until she actually faces the reality of it.
I have taken so much from her with all that I have needed to do. Must I take this last bit from her? I have been managing. But, it is getting harder to ignore the constant reminder. I am reminded first thing in the morning when I have to "arrange things" to get dressed. Every time I visit the restroom, I get the feeling I an interloper, a deceiver. I have to be self-aware to be sure that no one learns more about me than I want them to know. I don't want to have to be so self-conscious and circumspect about it. Most of my life is lived with hardly a thought about my gender. Except for this. The constant gender noise I heard in my head for so long is mostly all gone, except for this.
I am moving forward on investigating the insurance situation. Typically, everyone I have talked to so far have given me different variations of the insurance coverage. I now have in hand a 180 page document that I am trying to find all the pertinent sections in so I can call someone and talk to about each one. There is no way, it seems, to be able to contact he same person you spoke with before. I will need to train myself to be the expert. There has got to be some fly in this ointment, I just know it, but I have been told I can get the major part of GRS costs covered. Facial surgery will be at my own expense, if I go for it, since I see no way that it will be deemed "medically necessary." I am seriously considering doing a bit of a facelift. I do not have an overly masculine face shape. No Adam's apple to speak of. Brow ridges are not terribly prominent. Just the removal of the tired, worn out look would suffice, I think.
On a more positive note, a couple weeks back Penny and I attended a transgender group's meeting in Myrtle Beach, SC. There we met a transgender woman, W, who was there for the first time. She is slightly older than I. She is married, 34 years, and trying to keep her marriage together. After the meeting, my wife passed her contact information to W to pass on to her wife. A couple of days later, we got an email from W. We exchanged a couple more emails. Penny and I invited W and her wife for lunch. We met whe next day at noon. We had lunch and sat in the restaurant for a couple hours. Then we invited them over to our condo for a while. All together we spoke for over five hours. We shared our experiences with them. We felt it was important to know that it did not have to be the end of their world if they did not wish it to be. We have had some subsequent contact and it seems that we have had some positive affect.
One of Penny's biggest difficulties with my revelation and transition was finding cause for hope that it could turn out well. She is trying to show others in like circumstances that it is not hopeless. While it may not be easy, it is possible for a couple to survive with their relationship intact, even, stronger than before.
Now, back to the regularly scheduled program,
Stevi