Is it hard to allow a feminine voice around certain people?

[steph2.0]

Did you like say "Freeze, M.......

One only says that to fridges.

[Cassi]

One only says that to fridges.

Ahaaaaa!

Thank you Sis!

[GeekGirl]

This is a post about voice and speaking but not about the actual sound. I am talking about the psychological side of speaking differently. Am I the only one? I seem to have trouble allowing myself a more feminine voice including intonation around some people. I  tend to be okay with people I am comfortable with and, for whatever reason, ordering in restaurants. Some people who knew me before as a male though, cause me to tense up. I have thought about this a lot and came up with a thought that I am not especially proud of, but I think I am afraid of sounding like a stereotype of a gay man. Keep in mind that I have no hesitation to accept my femininity in other ways, but I feel I am really struggling with mentally letting go of the old in regard to my voice. Any thoughts?

Yes! Around my brothers and my ex, I always seem to revert back to old habits. Around all the people I met before my transition, it's been hard for some of them to adjust and hard for me, too, because they knew me a certain way. As a "boy," I was like a larger than life Bugs Bunny - crazy, animated, and opinionated. Around all the people I met after I transitioned, no problems at all unless I am really comfortable around them and they remind me of my brothers (in other words, if they're guys and just friends). Around women, no problem at all. Around guys I don't know, no problem at all. Around my ex, well, she and I have had a very bad divorce. Let's just say she was one of the first to accept me and one of the last to accept me, too.

[Alanna1990]

you're totally not the only one on that, I was not able to let my feminine voice out when my dad was around, I used to feel ashamed about me with him, but as time went by I swear my throat changed or something and now I'm physically incapable of producing a male voice, adding to the fact that I'm now living with my husband and don't see my parents as often, I was able to establish a voice that can't be changed even if I want to, now my dad appears, I still feel a little anxious but my voice comes out as feminine as with all the other people in my life.

[Cassi]

you're totally not the only one on that, I was not able to let my feminine voice out when my dad was around, I used to feel ashamed about me with him, but as time went by I swear my throat changed or something and now I'm physically incapable of producing a male voice, adding to the fact that I'm now living with my husband and don't see my parents as often, I was able to establish a voice that can't be changed even if I want to, now my dad appears, I still feel a little anxious but my voice comes out as feminine as with all the other people in my life.

I heard that while HRT doesn't give you a female voice, it can in some small way effect muscles and I think that with that and exercise the Head voice's cord, it makes a difference.  I enjoy singing in a higher voice and sounding less male when I can.

[Alanna1990]

I heard that while HRT doesn't give you a female voice, it can in some small way effect muscles and I think that with that and exercise the Head voice's cord, it makes a difference.  I enjoy singing in a higher voice and sounding less male when I can.

That's what I heard, that it wouldn't change, I never practiced though, I just let my voice come out and in the lapse of a year it changed enough to stop being misgendered (even on the phone), about singing... I had an accident where I got hit in the neck and my voice ended up without any volume, that's why I don't sing anymore, I can't.

[HappyMoni]

I think adjusting to the voice is 50% technique, 50% confidence, 50% mental adjustment, and 60% relaxing with the whole thing. I haven't had luck self teaching with an on line course or using the frequency thingy. I need an expert person to help. I have to dig deep for the mental changes I need to make. I think that the fact I started this thread says my discomfort with the status quo is growing and so is my motivation.

[Cassi]

I think adjusting to the voice is 50% technique, 50% confidence, 50% mental adjustment, and 60% relaxing with the whole thing. I haven't had luck self teaching with an on line course or using the frequency thingy. I need an expert person to help. I have to dig deep for the mental changes I need to make. I think that the fact I started this thread says my discomfort with the status quo is growing and so is my motivation.

The point of being relaxed and rested was brought up during one of my sessions and until that time that the Head voice is in charge, it will require effort. 

Might I suggest to just start humming alot and singing?  It seems to me once the mechanics are understood, at least by me, practice and exercise the head cords kind of brings everything together. 

And honestly, I wouldn't have even thought this two months ago and I still have a very long long way to go.

[Faith]

I don't know if I can or ever will ... I can't seem to get past the 'feel silly' part.

[Cassi]

That's what I heard, that it wouldn't change, I never practiced though, I just let my voice come out and in the lapse of a year it changed enough to stop being misgendered (even on the phone), about singing... I had an accident where I got hit in the neck and my voice ended up without any volume, that's why I don't sing anymore, I can't.

Wow,I'm sorry to hear that.  As far as singing, I gave up singing, except for cadence close to 50 years ago.  Now my daughter complains that I do it all the time and I never thought I could or would.

[Cassi]

I don't know if I can or ever will ... I can't seem to get past the 'feel silly' part.

I think your "Silly Part" is what Moni was referring to as the mental part. 

I too get that feeling when I'm trying in front of people I've known for a longtime.

[GeekGirl]

I don't know if I can or ever will ... I can't seem to get past the 'feel silly' part.

For me, I used to imitate all of these different cartoon characters (Marvin the Martian, Foghorn Leghorn, Sylvester, Tweety, Bugs, Daffy, Kermit the Frog, Yoda, Miss Piggy, etc) and was well known for it among my friends, so for me to do a femme voice pre-VFS was a challenge and I'd invariably go back to a male-sounding voice or female voice with male prosody. That's the cool thing about VFS. I'm now forced to sound femme as a foundation and that helps jar me in the right direction. Still, around people I'm very familiar with, the male prosody sneaks back in, especially after an hour or so of talking.

[KathyLauren]

I heard that while HRT doesn't give you a female voice, it can in some small way effect muscles

I think that my relaxed voice, which is definitely male, has changed since I started HRT.  It feels softer, and a little bit higher than it used to, even when I am being lazy.

[Rachel]

Hi Monica,

I had a lot of voice change concerns. Somewhere along the way they are gone. It helped me to ask a few female friends at work for their help. I explained to everyone I normally deal with at work that I was retraining my voice. So i deflated the situation. It was really difficult to make the switch even with this helpful aid.

I went to a very good voice pathologist for 7 months. I had a vocal procedure and am seeing the surgeons voice pathologist and singing coach. I think I have learned much more seeing three different professionals. I also have been doing vocal training in my car to and from work for years using A voice program I purchased.

Prior to the vocal procedure I had about 190 hz and I used a lot of the learned voice techniques. Post op I want to get a glottoplasty to raise my voice pitch. I am 160 to 190 now. Post op I was upset with my voice, it has been about 3.5 months post op. My voice and range is improving.

What I concentrate on now most is: streatching my vocal folds with specific practice, Having a straight back and neck, Appropriately using my articulators, Using diaphramic breathing, Opening the back of my throat, Using more air, Rate of speaking and crispness. Stretching my vocal folds has helped greatly in regaining my pitch range.

You can practice a different speaking pattern by learning one technique at a time and practicing several at a time.

Changing my voice was a big issue. It took me weeks to just use what I was practicing with my therapist.

Monica, you are a strong woman and apparently limber from your avitar picture. I know the first thing to help me in my vocal change was talking it out with my friends. There is strength in sharing and asking for help from friends.

Rach 

[SadieBlake]

If you use it in the appropriate setting, there's no reason why you should try to change it. 

I had to use my "parade square" voice not long ago, when I was crossing the street and someone tried to blow through the crosswalk without looking.  Safety dictates that you use a voice that commands obedience, and will MAKE them stop.  I got an odd look from the driver, because my presentation is completely femme, but I did make him stop.

Sure, I have no qualms about using command intonation or volume, I am simply looking for a way to have it be feminine in tone and I haven't found a way.

On a technical side, my normal range is quite low and falls right in the range of the shop's ambient sounds which are around 52dB and if I can pitch higher I might even be more readily heard.

Anyway, work in progress :-)