Should I take it as a compliment or insult?

[reverie2148]

Hi everyone,
Just want to get your opinion about this, this has been bothering me all night and it's starting to take a toll with my disphoria. So I went out to dinner with this trans friend (ftm) of mine who I just met recently to broaden my network. I should have seen this coming im mtf on hrt for 3weeks and before we met he told me "I think you're so handsome" and I replied I think that would change in 6months. He said he does not think so, while having dinner he said "you are already almost passable". Later in the conversation I found out he thought I'm ftm. It's really bothering me and I'm trying really hard to look at the silver lining for this since my goal is to be passable as a woman someday. What do you guys think?

Here's how I look like right now and I definitely act gay so I don't know what hint is he getting.

[Jessica]

Hi Reverie 🙋‍♀️ I can understand how this can be bit of a hit on your confidence.  I wouldn't blame him other than having poor vision.  You look very feminine! 

[Sonja]

I don't think you should dwell on it, you look femme to me, just confirm with your friend that you are mtf to clear up any misunderstanding and take it from there.

Sonja.

[Julia1996]

You look very feminine to me. What I think probably happened was that he thought you were FtM and was trying to be nice. Note that he said " almost" passable. In the language of people you are meeting for the first time that means " you're not passable as a guy at all but I will give you an almost passable just to be nice since I just met you". I wouldn't take his comment seriously.

[Allison S]

That means he thought you're a biological woman!! I have short hair too, even wearing a fem top and skirt, I was asked if i was there for the "femme or masc trans support group?" It shocked me a bit.. It's like scary to think, am I succeeding as a ftm? That goes against everything as mtf! Oh well

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[reverie2148]

Thank you, everyone, for your kind words. looking back at it, it was actually kinda funny. after explaining to him that it's the other way around there was probably an awkward silence for 2mins. then I do not want to break the mood so I tried cracking up a joke that was literally was not funny that it was so hard to recover and so awkward for like 5mins LOL. that was the longer 5mins of my life.

[Julia1996]

Thank you, everyone, for your kind words. looking back at it, it was actually kinda funny. after explaining to him that it's the other way around there was probably an awkward silence for 2mins. then I do not want to break the mood so I tried cracking up a joke that was literally was not funny that it was so hard to recover and so awkward for like 5mins LOL. that was the longer 5mins of my life.

I just met a brother I didn't know I had. When I told him I was trans he thought I was a cis female wanting to become male. He acted supportive but he had the " are you crazy, why would you want to become a guy?" look. After my dad cleared it up that I am MtF he got much more relaxed and said he hadn't wanted to say anything but he was thinking I wouldn't be very passable as a guy. Lol. Actually I  took it as a compliment because he had thought I was a Cis girl.

[Lady Sarah]

When I moved from the sticks to San Fran to start my transition, there were many that thought I was ftm. The entire time I lived there, people made that assumption, from a few months pre hrt to a few months post orchi, when I left.
Heck, I had a hard time trying to pass as a guy in school, long before minors were allowed to even consider altering their anatomy.
It just means you'll likely have an easy time passing as a woman when you blossom out.

[Allison S]

Let's be honest the first thing people notice to gender others is hair length. They assume the first thing a ftm will do is cut their hair. For mtf, we're supposed to somehow have it long. At least that's my take on it. Mtf need a lot more indicator's of femininity to be perceived that way (even if not passable).

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[PurpleWolf]

Take it as a compliment - he thought you were a biological female!!! He thought you looked female so he wanted to be nice. I think that's a compliment, really  ! That means you don't come off as guyish or 'male' in any way. Your appearance read more 'female' to him  !

[PurpleWolf]

I just met a brother I didn't know I had. When I told him I was trans he thought I was a cis female wanting to become male. He acted supportive but he had the " are you crazy, why would you want to become a guy?" look. After my dad cleared it up that I am MtF he got much more relaxed and said he hadn't wanted to say anything but he was thinking I wouldn't be very passable as a guy. Lol. Actually I  took it as a compliment because he had thought I was a Cis girl.

Well obviously he thought that!!! I can understand his thinking because you must be the most feminine being imaginable. He must have had really hard time imagining you wanting to change into a guy, looking like one, or being like your brother! I think that's really funny he thought that  ! But you can't really blame him, can you! He was just trying to be nice while thinking, 'oh, okay... I really can't see the guy in that girl but don't wanna crush her dreams if that's what she wants'

[reverie2148]

Just to give you update guys, I already cleared up the air with him and turned out when I told them I just started HRT what he thought was I already look feminine and I am trying to look more masculine. on the flip side though he did confess that he wanted to take me out and that he has a crush on me... 

I guess I will give it a shot, it will be my first time dating an FTM but I think he is really handsome and I am very open for any opportunities with him.

[Allison S]

Just to give you update guys, I already cleared up the air with him and turned out when I told them I just started HRT what he thought was I already look feminine and I am trying to look more masculine. on the flip side though he did confess that he wanted to take me out and that he has a crush on me... 

I guess I will give it a shot, it will be my first time dating an FTM but I think he is really handsome and I am very open for any opportunities with him.

Yay for second date! And yeah that's actually a great hidden compliment. It's FEMALE to male for a reason- start to end, right

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[Jin]

Whenever I meet someone new, I always trip over my tongue too and end up saying all sorts of inane stuff that is only half-formed sentences.

Just let it slide, at last he is talking openly with you.

[Charlie Nicki]

Compliment, he didn't think you were an assigned male at birth, end of story. Smile and take this as a victory, especially since you're only 3 weeks on HRT.