Help with the unhappiness

[Rebecca_B]

Hi

I'm wondering if anyone has any helpful coping mechanisms for not transitioning. I have been on anti anxiety and anti depressants for about 6 months and they don't seem to be working. I was put on these as the gic won't see me as I am trying not to transition to save my marriage but the noise in my head telling me I have to do this keeps getting louder.

My wife has been supportive but she has made it clear she couldn't support me through transition, or physically exploring it further. I feel like I'm stuck in limbo, as I fear if I broach the subject, that will be the last straw, and I love her too much to loose her.

[Gertrude]

Therapy with a competent gender therapist


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[Lilith.lupe.tamayo]

With the help of your therapist be honest to yourself, and reflect on what you can do, and you are then willing and unwilling to do. Is a tough situation to be in, so at least know that you are not alone, I shouldn't give advice but I guess this is more of a do as I say not as I do

[Dena]

You have few options and all you might end up doing is buying time. Therapy and possibly other medication might work better. Distraction by remaining busy so you don't have as much time to think about it. Last but not least, a blocker with low dose estradiol has helped some of our member buy more time while remaining in the male role.

[Rebecca_B]

Thanks for the advice gals

I went to the doctor when i had the breakdown and he referred me to the gender identity clinic for therapy, however they will only see people who want to transition. As this is not an option for me just now i had to go to counseling instead. The councelling did help me find out what i felt inside but it now feels like im at a crossroads where i choose to make myself happy and burn everything behind, or carry down the same path and learn to live with it.

Itry to keep myself busy as much as possible with work and other stuff, but its the quiet moments, like driving too and from work when im alone with my thoughts that drag me down. For now i want to carry down the same path as my wife is my sole mate, and i cant bear to hurt her more than i already have.

Appologies if im coming accross all doom and gloom, think i just might need an outlet and a few friends to talk too, that i can be open and honest with that may help me.

[Lilith.lupe.tamayo]

You ain't all gloom and doom, is this world and its dominating system and beliefs that traps us into this prisons of flesh and bone. At Least know you are not alone

[Sarah20]

I was lurking but decided to open an account when I saw your post as it felt like it was written by myself and wanted to know you are not alone.

I am dealing with same situation. My wife wont support me through transition so I cant and I am on anti depressants recently to to help. Only difference is I am also taking a low dose of E to help cope but even then its still tough day to day. But has helped bring me back from brink of suicide at least. I am unwilling to lose my wife.

My GP has referred me to a GIC and been through plenty of counselling already. But I was sad to see they will only help those who can transition in your post. So I may end up opting out. Did you get to see someone from the GIC and they told you this or is this just 3rd party information.

Anyways, you are welcome to chat to me if you like as I find it helps talking to people in same situation.

[Rebecca_B]

Hi Sarah

When the doctor referred me to the gic, I got a letter back from them saying they couldn't see me unless I was willing to fully transition, if not to see a councillor instead. Please don't opt out on my experience, my nearest clinic is a small one and you may not have the same experience as I did.

I'm glad my post got you to reach out on here, let me know how you get on with your referral.

[karenk1959]

Rebecca_B,

I have the problem ~ don't want to lose my wife and destroy all of the relationships in my life, but have horrible gender dysphoria that gets worse every day. No easy answers.

I have suffered from horrible depression, anxiety and OCD, all stemming from repressing my need to be female. I am afraid of ending up alone as a TG MTF and my depression getting out of control. Worried I could commit suicide. Right now I am suffering from gender dysphoria, trying not to look in the mirror.