19, Could I be trans or not? Confused and need your expertise.

[NCLDH]

Hi everyone as the subject says I'm not sure if I'm trans or not. I feel that I would definitely prefer to live as a girl rather than a man however at the same time I've never felt much gender dysmorphia like many describe. I could live as a man and be 'okay' with it.

When I was a child I sometimes enjoyed female activities and dressing up in my sisters clothes and was always more sensitive and expressive than most boys, leading my parents to believe I could be gay.

Puberty really changed that though and now most regard me as a stereotypical masculine man. I would also note I'm predominantly attracted to women, in a typical masculine way.

I'm not sure whether I've just been conditioned by my environment and testosterone to  act in a typically manly way or whether in fact I'm not trans and im just motivated by the benefits I see of being a girl in today's society. E.g easier to find sexual partners, people care more for you and protect you etc.

On the other hand maybe I am trans and the main thing stopping me transitioning is fear I won't pass as a woman. Concerns over costs of a full transiston (voice surgery- would need as my voice is deeper than 95% men never mind women) and facial feminization surgey (my midface is long, nose too manly and my lips too thin). Though I do have some feminine traits like big eyes and a small mouth.

I'm nearly 20 and my concern is if I don't transition soon I'll probably never- I think I'd rather be a man than fail to pass as a cisgender woman on a long term basis (naturally this isn't achievable immediately. Issue is cost (I'm at university (college) no job). Then again how important is age in passing?. With no disrespect to anyone I'd say nearly half of MTf's don't truly pass whereas half do- e.g trans girls in porn. Could I look as girly as that or am I already too late? bearing in mind I look a little older and more manly than my age,

Sorry if this is long everyone I just feel the need to get this off my chest and the people here seem like an ideal audience to adress my concerns.

[Dena]

Sexual preference doesn't determine your desired gender. We have many members who identify as lesbian and it's not a factor in determining your desired gender. As for appearance, if the most important thing to you is being the correct gender regardless of appearance, then you should transition. For example, I don't pass all the time but I would rather be female than male. Therapy would help you determine this and it's possible help may be available through your school. Enquire at the student health services and see what they offer. For now, you might want to look at the "the transition channel" which ask many of the question you would discuss in therapy.

[Meghan]

Hello,

No one as I know off is expertise in Transgender here. I was in the same position as you that I was wondering about whether I am a transgender, and I keep the thought for myself for many years. My life was so miserable and I couldn't concentrate or do anything. I finally asked my doctor for preferal to Behavior Health specialist, and after two sessions my Therapist told me the reason my life was so miserable because I tried to hide my Gender Dysphoria for a long time. She also told me unless I acknowledge my Transgender and do something about it, otherwise I will be continuing live in miserable stage. I admit to her that I am a Transgender Female, and I want to be a woman. She smiled and said she will recommend me for Medical transition. Good luck.

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[V M]

Hi 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[NCLDH]

Sexual preference doesn't determine your desired gender. We have many members who identify as lesbian and it's not a factor in determining your desired gender. As for appearance, if the most important thing to you is being the correct gender regardless of appearance, then you should transition. For example, I don't pass all the time but I would rather be female than male. Therapy would help you determine this and it's possible help may be available through your school. Enquire at the student health services and see what they offer. For now, you might want to look at the "the transition channel" which ask many of the question you would discuss in therapy.

Okay thanks I'll take a look at that.

[Mumei]

Hello,

No one as I know off is expertise in Transgender here. I was in the same position as you that I was wondering about whether I am a transgender, and I keep the thought for myself for many years. My life was so miserable and I couldn't concentrate or do anything. I finally asked my doctor for preferal to Behavior Health specialist, and after two sessions my Therapist told me the reason my life was so miserable because I tried to hide my Gender Dysphoria for a long time. She also told me unless I acknowledge my Transgender and do something about it, otherwise I will be continuing live in miserable stage. I admit to her that I am a Transgender Female, and I want to be a woman. She smiled and said she will recommend me for Medical transition. Good luck.

Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk

Hi Meghan,
I wish we had thumbs up buttons here, your Post is awesome and deserves a thumbs up.

[Julia1996]

First I think you need to speak to a gender therapist.  As for your age, I started hrt at age 17 which isn't much younger than you are. After 3 years on hrt I have absolutely no problems passing. I think starting hrt and blockers before age 23 give really good results. You might want to look into testosterone blockers. A blocker won't feminize you but it will stop any further masculinization from testosterone.  If you decide later on that you don't want to transition you just have to stop taking the blocker and your T levels will return to normal.

[MeTony]

Hi everyone as the subject says I'm not sure if I'm trans or not. I feel that I would definitely prefer to live as a girl rather than a man however at the same time I've never felt much gender dysmorphia like many describe. I could live as a man and be 'okay' with it.

When I was a child I sometimes enjoyed female activities and dressing up in my sisters clothes and was always more sensitive and expressive than most boys, leading my parents to believe I could be gay.

Puberty really changed that though and now most regard me as a stereotypical masculine man. I would also note I'm predominantly attracted to women, in a typical masculine way.

I'm not sure whether I've just been conditioned by my environment and testosterone to  act in a typically manly way or whether in fact I'm not trans and im just motivated by the benefits I see of being a girl in today's society. E.g easier to find sexual partners, people care more for you and protect you etc.

On the other hand maybe I am trans and the main thing stopping me transitioning is fear I won't pass as a woman. Concerns over costs of a full transiston (voice surgery- would need as my voice is deeper than 95% men never mind women) and facial feminization surgey (my midface is long, nose too manly and my lips too thin). Though I do have some feminine traits like big eyes and a small mouth.

I'm nearly 20 and my concern is if I don't transition soon I'll probably never- I think I'd rather be a man than fail to pass as a cisgender woman on a long term basis (naturally this isn't achievable immediately. Issue is cost (I'm at university (college) no job). Then again how important is age in passing?. With no disrespect to anyone I'd say nearly half of MTf's don't truly pass whereas half do- e.g trans girls in porn. Could I look as girly as that or am I already too late? bearing in mind I look a little older and more manly than my age,

Sorry if this is long everyone I just feel the need to get this off my chest and the people here seem like an ideal audience to adress my concerns.

Sexual orientation is separate from gender identity. You can be tg and straight, gay, bi etc.

My advice to you is to find a gender therapist who can help you sort out your thoughts and feelings.

I supressed myself for 30 years almost ended in suicide. Today I am sure about who I am. What I need to do. Nothing else matters. I am married for 20 years. Two teenage kids. But family is nothing without me. If I keep ignoring myself it will only get worse.

We all have a different path. You need to find yours. Have you checked out non-binary?


Tony

[Lilith.lupe.tamayo]

Welcome aboard nice to have you here. I use to be like you, people who knew me in my early 20s would never think I would be transgender but here I am. Maybe you are not, but at least from my experience I think that when you like woman, its easier to stay in the closet because you can still form relationships and is very scary to come out of the closet. Also you are still so young that you could tottally pass with HRT. If cost in an issue consider coming to california or SF in particular, in San Francisco the treatment for transgender folks is free!

[falk]

You don't have to have "typical" gender dysphoria. I could probably live as female [and have for many years] but I know transitioning out of it would make me happier and let me live more authentically. You can be okay with something and still want for the situation to be improved. It's not wrong to strive for improvements and to live with your preferences in mind. I feel like I'm "technically a trans man" though I don't view a strong connection with them because I feel like we have wildly different feelings and experiences. I'm okay with that.

Orientation is different from identity [though I would say there's a connection to them].

I'd also like to say "activities" may be gendered but that doesn't mean it has any real bearing on your identity.

I have a lot of doubts like you. Like maybe I'm transitioning due to trauma or what if I'm making a huge mistake, or wow, am I sure I want this if it costs so much, what if I never pass? I think these feelings are really common for all trans people.

Ultimately no one can tell you if you're "trans enough" but I think exploring your identity is important. Maybe you can socialize yourself as a woman online [something I did, though as male of course]. Trying out different pronouns or how you present yourself [no facial hair for example, or different clothing] can be something you can try out [also something I did].

I'd recommend seeing a gender therapist also to talk about these thoughts and feelings. It can really help if you're gender confused. Also talk to other trans people, and in your case nonbinary people. Read books about trans identities, transition, or biographies. All of this can really put a new spin on your perspective. I wish you all the best in this exploration.