What triggers your Gender Dysphoria?

[Tamika Olivia]

Facial hair, for sure. I would shave twice a day every day if it didn't destroy my skin. I need to get laser or electrolysis, but I'm not financially secure enough to commit to either.

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[TiffanyRye]

Facial hair, for sure. I would shave twice a day every day if it didn't destroy my skin. I need to get laser or electrolysis, but I'm not financially secure enough to commit to either.

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Look on a website called groupon. They have insane deals on everything including lazer hair removal.


Another big one for me is my hair. It's always wavy, and all over the place. if i dont straighten it conatantly I feel so blah. which is bad because my ends are constantly dry

[falk]

Is it easier to just say everything?

Mainly being reminded I'm "female" in any way, including my own bodily functions [menses, urination]. But also people socializing me as "female" for some reason [she/her pronouns, thinking I have to act a certain way]

I'm more on the androgynous side physically, but my voice triggers my dysphoria as well despite it not sounding very feminine at all. It just doesn't sound good enough to me.

Weirdly enough people thinking I'm trans also triggers my dysphoria. I just don't want them to think of me like that to begin with. I'm just me.

[Sophia Sage]

Is it easier to just say everything?

Mainly being reminded I'm "female" in any way, including my own bodily functions [menses, urination]. But also people socializing me as "female" for some reason [she/her pronouns, thinking I have to act a certain way]

I'm more on the androgynous side physically, but my voice triggers my dysphoria as well despite it not sounding very feminine at all. It just doesn't sound good enough to me.

Weirdly enough people thinking I'm trans also triggers my dysphoria. I just don't want them to think of me like that to begin with. I'm just me.

Sounds like me... for me, what triggered my dysphoria was being misgendered, and not just by others, but by myself.

I firmly believe that misgendering is the source of gender dysphoria.  Misgendering happens when other people relate to us in the ways you mentioned, but also when we recognize something about ourselves (embodiment, socialization, what have you) that we automatically and subconsciously assign the "wrong" gender to.

We get dysphoric about our bodies because a part of our brains makes a gender assignment based on those characteristics.  Which is pretty much how everyone makes gender assignments, and not just towards us but towards everybody.  Likewise, we can get dysphoric about being read as "trans" because, and I'm sorry to say this, in our culture a "trans" body is typically gendered according to where that body came from, not where it's going.

[Ryuichi13]

Believe it or not, more than anything, being called my dead name/receiving mail in my deadname is a HUGE trigger for me. 

My parents still call me by it, and even though I've told my Mom my legal name, she still calls me deadname.  I know she's old, nearly 80, but if my partner's 92 year old Mom can call me by my legal name, my Mom can too.  Maybe its because she's the one that gave me my deadname.   

My Dad doesn't know I'm transitioning, whenever we talk on the phone, he asks me if I have a cold.  Nope Dad, you just have another son, nothing more!  Since this is a conversation that I want to have face to face and he lives in another state, I don't know when I'll be able to have this conversation.   

As for the mail, whenever I get something in it, I first make sure that its not anything important, then I tear it into a million pieces.  SO satisfying to do that to spam, let me tell you!

I'm also somewhat triggered by my moobs.  Not too terribly, but whenever I have to put on my T-gel, I have to cover them up with my shirt.  That's a relatively new trigger, one I seem to have developed since my face became more masculine.

Of course, I also have the misgendering trigger that everyone probably has.  It doesn't happen much anymore since I pass 95% of the time, both IRL and on the phone, but it still occasionally happens.  It sucks when it does.  I usually am like "Really?  I have a beard and mustache, not to mention I speak in a baritone now!"  Its mostly little old ladies that must think I sound like a 3 pack a day, 30 year smoker. lol

Ryuichi

[falk]

Ryuichi, I feel the same with my deadname too. I switched socially to my new name but no one uses it and it makes me extremely emotional [a mix between sad and mad]. I'm hoping to legalize it soon and maybe people will use it then. But yeah, with mail it's so distressing to have to read my deadname. I personally burn all envelopes afterwards as a cleansing ritual.

My chest is a crucial trigger for me as well. I look more androgynous than other men at my transition point but the chest completely ruins that effect so it makes me particularly hateful to it.

[Ryuichi13]

Ryuichi, I feel the same with my deadname too. I switched socially to my new name but no one uses it and it makes me extremely emotional [a mix between sad and mad]. I'm hoping to legalize it soon and maybe people will use it then. But yeah, with mail it's so distressing to have to read my deadname. I personally burn all envelopes afterwards as a cleansing ritual.

My chest is a crucial trigger for me as well. I look more androgynous than other men at my transition point but the chest completely ruins that effect so it makes me particularly hateful to it.

What I did with my deadname was correct anyone that used it to my (chosen/legal) name.  The same for those that misgender me.  I correct them, then continue on like nothing's happened. 

When you make a big deal over it, people seem to take offense.  But then again, they're being disrespectful to YOU when they refer to you by someone else's name.  Once you legally change it, you can actually SAY "that's someone else's name."  It gets the point across, especially if you can pull out ID that shows them they're wrong. 

They will probably make mistakes and call you by your deadname for a while longer, until they get that its not your name any longer.  Just keep correcting them, it'll eventually sink in.

Good luck!

Ryuichi

[meatwagon]

"existing" basically

seeing my face/body, hearing my voice, being called my birth name, having to use that name to pick up medications or make appointments, being called "she/her/miss/ma'am", being treated as a woman/having people assume i want or use women's products/services, being gifted women's clothes, seeing other guys who have normal bodies and normal life experiences that i'll either never have or won't be able to have until i'm way too old to just be reaching that point in my life...  anything to do with sex, attraction, etc, having to use a bathroom that isn't gender neutral, having to use a bathroom that is gender neutral, and the list goes on and on.  it just kind of pervades every aspect of my life.

[Ryuichi13]

"existing" basically

seeing my face/body, hearing my voice, being called my birth name, having to use that name to pick up medications or make appointments, being called "she/her/miss/ma'am", being treated as a woman/having people assume i want or use women's products/services, being gifted women's clothes, seeing other guys who have normal bodies and normal life experiences that i'll either never have or won't be able to have until i'm way too old to just be reaching that point in my life...  anything to do with sex, attraction, etc, having to use a bathroom that isn't gender neutral, having to use a bathroom that is gender neutral, and the list goes on and on.  it just kind of pervades every aspect of my life.

I don't know how old you are, but there ARE things that you can start changing, even pre-T. 

Start having friends and family call you by whatever name you have chosen for yourself, and correct them when they call you by your birth name, or even ignore them until they call you by your chosen name.  If you're of legal age, start saving up enough money to have you name legally changed, then do so. 

Start saying "thank you for the women's products, but do you have any men's products?  I'm more interested in those." 

Buy men's clothes for yourself.  I started by going to thrift stores, the clothes there are inexpensive and a great way to figure out what your new sizes are.  If people stare at you for shopping in the men's department, ignore them.  Chances are you'll never see them again anyways, so who cares what they think? 

You're never too old to transition.  I'm 56, and I started transitioning a month before my 55th birthday, and after 16 months, I have a deep man's voice, muscles, hair in places I never thought I'd grow hair in  , and a slight beard and mustache. 

I started using men's rooms pre-T, and I've not gone into a women's restroom since.  I wear t-shirts and jeans, so the very first time I used a men's room, the two guys in there stared at me.  I made my voice as deep as possible, said "'Sup?" and nodded to them as I waited for the stall to be free.  Most cis men don't usually like to look at each other or talk while pissing, they seem to think "it makes them gay," or some such nonsense.

Hope this helps you out some brother, you got this!  It DOES get better!

Ryuichi

[PurpleWolf]

Awesome thread!

Just curious what triggers your Gender Dysphoria?

For me, it's seeing other females, I die inside when I see a trans woman (because I still present male ) and when I get associated with males, or anything about being male

Pretty much the same in reverse 
I do present male, but... I assume I look female to other people.

Hmm, specific examples:
- Taking selfies and thinking I look good - only to look at them afterwards and seeing an obvious girl  !!! That always shakes me a bit.
- Before being on here Susans (during the years I was in a pretty bad place gender wise) I could say I died inside too when I saw some guy I really wanted to look like!!! Dying inside is a good word for it, yeah.
- Seeing myself in the mirror. In a full-body one. Always makes me at least uneasy to see that female/eunuch body like my huge hips and wrong proportions.
- Whenever someone misgenders me, deadnames me, calls me a girl, associates me with women in general, I cringe & feel really bad.
- Having to use the female bathroom!!! (which I don't) This is the worst for me! Feeling absolutely mortified.
- I also used to get dysphoric just seeing trans guys on YouTube coz felt I'll never look like that! (Luckily I'm over that already.)

What has helped me is the legal name change that transformed my life as I now exist as a person ('me') for the first time...! It really helped A LOT. Also posting here and talking to other people and getting that support has been HUGE!!!

[Ryuichi13]

Awesome thread!
Pretty much the same in reverse 
I do present male, but... I assume I look female to other people.

Hmm, specific examples:
- Taking selfies and thinking I look good - only to look at them afterwards and seeing an obvious girl  !!! That always shakes me a bit.
- Before being on here Susans (during the years I was in a pretty bad place gender wise) I could say I died inside too when I saw some guy I really wanted to look like!!! Dying inside is a good word for it, yeah.
- Seeing myself in the mirror. In a full-body one. Always makes me at least uneasy to see that female/eunuch body like my huge hips and wrong proportions.
- Whenever someone misgenders me, deadnames me, calls me a girl, associates me with women in general, I cringe & feel really bad.
- Having to use the female bathroom!!! (which I don't) This is the worst for me! Feeling absolutely mortified.
- I also used to get dysphoric just seeing trans guys on YouTube coz felt I'll never look like that! (Luckily I'm over that already.)

What has helped me is the legal name change that transformed my life as I now exist as a person ('me') for the first time...! It really helped A LOT. Also posting here and talking to other people and getting that support has been HUGE!!!

Chances are, you look more masculine in pics than you think you look.  You're always going to be your own worst critic.  Instead, pay attention to your body language, and perhaps people watch at some place like the mall.  Its often your body language that gets you misgendered by others.

Try to make your clothes and hairstyle more masculine.  Go for whatever style you like, from dress shirts and pants to t-shirts and jeans.  As long as you're comfortable in your clothes, you'll act comfortable as well.  Try different things to find out what works for you.

I noticed that, despite being 56 years old, my hips have narrowed and my body has become a bit more masculine.  My stomach has gotten some of th fat that used to be on my hips, thighs and chest.  Of course, it might also be middle-age spread. lol

When people misgender me, I immediately correct them.  I refuse to tolerate it "for fear of hurting their feelings, " or whatever reason people allow it to happen.  After all, they're hurting MY feelings by misgendering me! 

About my voice, when I was pre-T, I used to add "I'm a guy, I just have a high voice."

Like I said on another thread, I stopped using the female bathroom when I was still pre-T.  I refuse to use it even then.  I'm not a big guy, but I'm pretty confident, so I suppose that has a lot with refusing to tolerate the ladies' room anymore back then.  Its been more than two years since the last time I used the ladies room.  Of course, you have to be safe when you use one.  If you go in and there's some big guy glaring at you like he's going to turn you into mush, LEAVE!  You can either wait for them to finish and leave, find another bathroom or wait until you go home to go.  Being safe is better than being pounded into dust.

It seems to me that a LOT of pre-T and even some post-T transmen lack self-confidence.  Act like a respectable man, and chances are, you'll be treated like one.  Even if you don't look like one yet. 

I certainly didn't pre-T.

Ryuichi   

[Shy]

It's mostly all physical with me. Socially I try not to compare myself with other women. Sometimes I do feel a disconnect with people that can feel like dysphoria, but is really me just trying to find my place in the world. I've only been full time for a little over a year and lack the confidence of experience. It's like puberty all over again.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

[kanad3]

To me it is mostly being around other people because I get called 'he' sometimes, so now I'm kind of anxious most times I go out a bit. Also just looking in the mirror can be a trigger, some days I feel I pass better to myself and others it's bleh

[natalie.ashlyne]

For me it is...
   1 seeing females that have hour glass shape
   2 seeing females that are pregnant or have small kids/babies
   3 seeing a couple holding hands/ play fighting/ throwing snowballs /kissing
   4 My ribs/ facial hair/ belly/ feet /short hair and my voice

[Mumei]

My back makes me look like a member of the Chinese women's Olympic swimming team of 2012.

But my butt is similar pretty though.

[pamelatransuk]

I firmly believe that misgendering is the source of gender dysphoria.  Misgendering happens when other people relate to us in the ways you mentioned, but also when we recognize something about ourselves (embodiment, socialization, what have you) that we automatically and subconsciously assign the "wrong" gender to.

We get dysphoric about our bodies because a part of our brains makes a gender assignment based on those characteristics.  Which is pretty much how everyone makes gender assignments, and not just towards us but towards everybody. 

Hello Sophia

You make a very interesting point here and I agree that is another significant source of dysphoria.

I suppose most of us will continue to have dysphoria till  (if ever) we can literally fully overcome the misalignment of the body to the soul/spirit/mind but we must continue in our efforts!

Pamela

[Bobbie LeAnn]

For me the number one trigger is seeing my genital area in a mirror and knowing I will never be able to get rid of that cursed thing. I never get dressed in front of a mirror without having panties on and being tucked. Even when I go pee and I have to wipe it grosses me out just having to touch it. I had a dream a little over a week ago that I had SRS and I looked great in the mirror  then I woke up put my hand down there and cried myself back to sleep.

[TicTac]

Looking at the piece of meat hanging from my crotch while I take a shower. That thing needs to go honestly. Another Dysphoria trigger is when my facial hair returns after laser hair removal, which is normal but also annoying.

[Lilith.lupe.tamayo]

Funny how we are all diff but the same lol ... sigh. I never got much dysphoria from my penis, I feel like Im just a woman with a penis. What triggers me is the feeling of testosterone in my body, and actually in a way dressing really femm triggers my disphoria because I compare myself to other transwoman or ciswoman who look so fabulous with their bodies and it makes me feel like a failure and a caricature of a woman.

[CarlyMcx]

It is very very rare that I get called "sir" any more but when it happens it really gets me.  Today I dressed to the nines and spent 30 min on makeup for my trip to the DMV.  I was at the end of the appointment line and some young lady in her late teens or early twenties "sirred" me asking if it was the appointment line.

Yes I am sure she was talking to me.  No I did not make a scene or correct her because, DMV.  I just told her it was.

But for crying out loud, I was wearing the same outfit I wore while conducting a jury trial the past week, designer blouse and sweater, A line skirt over ribbed tights and sensible 3 inch heels, full makeup, matching earrings and necklace.

OTOH I walked out of there with a temporary license with my name and gender correct.