Hey all! Been wondering if you lovely can help with my mind war!
This week I have had job interviews and even got a job!! For these two occasions I had to wear my non casual clothes
For my interview I wore a nice ladies business like suit. I was kinda afriad to due to last time. In February I wore same thing and loved it until I realized I was wearing dress pants and not my typical femme jeans... which meant a big gentials bulge. My euphoria turns to massive anxiety but although I was disgusted by the bulge I still really felt good about my upper body, I looked like a really classy woman. It was a massive feelings of happiness then anxiety due to one blemish.
As said I got the job and my job is chef ! I was given a chefs jacket and pants and I felt really good for the soul purpose of seeing me, the real me pursue my dreams in a perfession i want. When I put on the jacket and ext I felt my euphoria. Not just because I was in mindset of being myself but being able to be who I am in many other ways!.... then I had to tie my hair right back and put on hair net and cap.. i still was able to feel ok for a second then images of the old me with my old short hair slicked back with a truckers cap (which was normal for me to do 5 years ago) flooded my head and the anxiety came back.. I felt conflicted, I love my new suit and new career position but I avoided mirrors all night and at times felt ill because "he" could flare my mind again with flashes.
I stocked it out and was proud of myself and as night went on I somehow managed to reconnect to me and be mindful of where I am , and who I am but it was hard as my mind tends to get triggered easily by super hard things and my dysphoira is very hard. My life is going well and I have made super progress in past few weeks, but not being able to wear things without one major insecurities pop up annoy me a lot. But atleast it is more or less just anxiety and not full on panic attacks as it would have been. Any thing I could do to help?? I want to wear those things as they highlight me still moving up in world and I wanna damn the insecurities
