Things are becoming clearer, but oh so more confusing.

[Daisy713]

So I haven't been on here for a fair while now, both because uni got a whole lot more intense and that I thought I was on the right track, and that I could figure things out by myself (I even stopped talking to friends about it). For a while during the performance and production period of uni, I didn't even think about my gender, I was too worried about getting my lines, choreography and songs down pat (I study Musical Theatre). But then once we went on break, everything came back, I mean all the I guess dysphoria was there but I just didn't have time to think about it like before. Anyway, now it's getting back to the point where every day, at least once I'll stop what I'm doing and just wish I was able to just start the process sometimes going to the verge of what I think are panic attacks or anxiety attacks, I don't know. The idea of transitioning and continuing experimentation with looks and appearance becomes more and more vivid. And then in contrast to that my fears of how I'll look, and if its what I want to do. Just yesterday I was able to try on makeup and wear a bra trying out different looks, and feeling really really happy, and confident, my hairs growing out more so I'm able to get a more 'feminine' look which has been also making me just ecstatic. But I just feel so goddamn lost, I've tried to get into contact with some psychs but they all have waiting lists of 6+ months. I don't know, I just have no idea what I'm doing. Or what the right course of action is. I'm just rambling around now, I'm sorry.

[KathyLauren]

Well, the first thing to do is to put your name on those waiting lists.  Yes, a six month wait sucks, but if you wait a year to do it, it will be 18 months from now before you get in.  The sooner you get on those lists, the sooner you'll get in.  (If it makes you feel any better, I've been waiting 10 months and don't have an appointment yet.)

University is a great place to experiment.  Most universities are quite liberal, and students tend to be accepting.  (There are a few exceptions, of course.)

You can try switching to androgynous clothes and going to classes that way.  It will be scary as heck the first time, but the fear will quickly wear off and you can see how you like it.

[Daisy713]

Well, the first thing to do is to put your name on those waiting lists.  Yes, a six month wait sucks, but if you wait a year to do it, it will be 18 months from now before you get in.  The sooner you get on those lists, the sooner you'll get in.  (If it makes you feel any better, I've been waiting 10 months and don't have an appointment yet.)

University is a great place to experiment.  Most universities are quite liberal, and students tend to be accepting.  (There are a few exceptions, of course.)

You can try switching to androgynous clothes and going to classes that way.  It will be scary as heck the first time, but the fear will quickly wear off and you can see how you like it.

Yeah, your right. I've tried wearing more androgynous clothes at uni especially, and have begun wearing nail polish, one of the comments I got from one of my friends said "You look like a really stylish lesbian" which made me just go completely red in the face with happiness, and was made even better seeing it came from her, an incredibly stylish lesbian haha

[Lilly G]

the androgenous clothing idea is smart.....it doesnt make you feel like you are being judged as much as say, wearing femeinine clothing like I do(I get a LOT of stares and ->-bleeped-<-, especially when im in shorts), but honestly, the whole clothing thing is based on how YOU feel, not them. and get on the wait list for that appointment. I live in a horrible area to be trans, so because of the fear there is a one day wait for me. but do what makes you comfortable, and ignore what others think, confidence will show, and it will cause the others to see it and be less likely to hate.