Reality is starting to hit

[BlueJaye]

I came out earlier this week to my wife and at first she was supportive, but now she is having second thoughts. She's sending me all kinds of links to "ministries" that are supposed "fix" people with gender dysphoria. I graciously read through the websites and it's obvious that they are all ran by people who have zero understanding of what gender dysphoria is actually like and the great majority of them don't even acknowledge that it is valid.

I wish people understood that I don't want to be comfortable as a man, because at the core of who I am is not a man. I don't want some program to brainwash me into being someone I'm not. If there is some way, via hormones or less invasive and visible means, to live with my body I'll do my best for her, but I'm starting to realize that this is going to be a hard road. We're just getting started and I'm already starting to see that there are so many people out there with absolutely no clue about gender dysphoria and who peddle false ideas and false hopes for loved ones that somehow transgender people can be "healed".

[Megan.]

Hugs. X

It can take time for others to wrap their head around what it takes us years to sometimes understand. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't.
It's early days, but I'd give your partner the benefit of the doubt, and assume they just want things 'back the way they were'; an impractical but understandable response. Give them space and maybe try to find some good quality research and information for them to understand. X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

[HappyMoni]

Hi Blue,
   Just like you were scared to tell her, you were nervous about how she would react, you may be having thoughts of what did I get myself into, she is probably rumbling through the implications of what this means, how she is scared and probably a fair amount of trying to deny at this point. Be patient as you will have to act as her guide to the understanding of what this all means. Both of your worlds have been shaken by this situation. It will take a lot of communication and mutual respect to find what a positive future might look like. The first sentence of your second paragraph is a very powerful statement, and I very much related to it, "I don't want to be comfortable as a man..." That says a lot as to where you are mentally. I don't think that fact can ever change, at least in my experience. Stay strong and stay positive.
Moni

[MarieLouise1982]

Hey blue

I think you and I must have told our partners around the same time , my gf who I've been with for 15 years always knew I liked dressing from day one. I knew I wouldn't be able to sucsesfully hide all my things. Anyways I'm rambling ... I had dropped it into conversations a couple times that I thought about transitioning. She would question it and and I would be in denial. Then I finally had enough,  I booked the docs for depression and it all came out. He booked me in for my bloods that day and said I'd be referred to gic . I told my gf and there was a lot of questions. She's told me if I go down that route she will back me 100% but only as a friend , and not a lover. It breaks my heart but if that's the way then so be it , as long as I'm happy in my head and body. So a week into all this and now she's saying things like , maybe if Marie comes out more you'll feel better ?? I would , but then she would be put back in the wardrobe and that "quick fix" has gone again. Having her out now and again isn't going to solve my problems , could possibly make them worse. She doesn't want us to split and I've told her I don't want us to , and that I'm the same person I've always been , maybe in the future with two lumps of fat in my chest and different clothes , but deep down I'm still me. She says she knows that , but doesn't want to be with a woman.

It's going to be a bumpy road but you need to do what you've been wanting all those years , I wish you all the luck in the world.

Marie xx

[BlueJaye]

Thank you for the kind replies. I understand how she feels. And it's not entirely about my issues. As I stated in another post, she confessed after I came out that she was secretly hiding attraction to women from me for the duration of our relationship. She even told me which of our female friends she struggles with feelings of attraction to. So we're dealing with my issues, her being afraid that feeling attracted to me more as a woman than a man would be weird or wrong, the impact on our kids, the rejection of friends, family, and highly likely church. We would practically be starting over from zero in a community that is less than wonderful toward transgender people.

I just hate the whole idea of these organizations that want to turn me into a man. To transform me into someone I'm not. Make me happy about living a lie. How would that be healthy?

[AnneK]

Hopefully, she'll overcome those problems and let herself enjoy the female you.

[pamelatransuk]

I came out earlier this week to my wife and at first she was supportive, but now she is having second thoughts. She's sending me all kinds of links to "ministries" that are supposed "fix" people with gender dysphoria. I graciously read through the websites and it's obvious that they are all ran by people who have zero understanding of what gender dysphoria is actually like and the great majority of them don't even acknowledge that it is valid.

I wish people understood that I don't want to be comfortable as a man, because at the core of who I am is not a man. I don't want some program to brainwash me into being someone I'm not. If there is some way, via hormones or less invasive and visible means, to live with my body I'll do my best for her, but I'm starting to realize that this is going to be a hard road. We're just getting started and I'm already starting to see that there are so many people out there with absolutely no clue about gender dysphoria and who peddle false ideas and false hopes for loved ones that somehow transgender people can be "healed".

Hello BlueJaye

Absolutely right. Avoid these people like the plague. They have no understanding of Gender Dysphoria and are usually opposed to all Transgender thinking including the scientific evidence. We do not have a disease and therefore do not need to be cured or healed.

We have a misalignment of body to brain/mind/spirit/soul. We are already women albeit with the wrong body. We seek understanding and compassion and not opposition.

Best of luck for the future.

Pamela

[2.B.Dana]

My heart sincerely goes out to you at this point in your journey. I would in no way want to relive the early days of the coming out experience. It was hard and most girls here will probably tell you that you have many days ahead that may very well be harder still before it gets better. It's just the nature of this beast we attempt to tame.

Regarding the links to programs and ministries; At this point it is hard for you much less those around you to identify the nuances in their "pitch". Most, if not all, of the ones my sister sent me and still wants to discuss at times had to do with people from an abused past. At the core these individuals had some life/environmental thing happen to turn them off of their birth gender. If that was the case and someone could sort through their hang-ups and remain in their birth gender then it would be worth it. It is an avenue that a therapist will explore to determine the validity of your gender dysphoria etc. Understanding the root of your situation is key to treatment and strength to go through the process.

Being able to discern the true intent of these programs and who their real candidates were helped me to be able to discuss with family why they didn't apply to me. It doesn't stop certain family members from "wishing" they would work for me so everything could go back to normal. They don't understand that what they thought was normal was a mirage. For me, things were bad internally for a log time, I was just really good at acting and covering up.

I wish you the very best in your journey. Realize that you will always be so much farther ahead of your family in understanding because you have had this in your thoughts for a long time. Give them the time and grace to sort through the many feelings and thoughts that this life changing news will bring up.