Please Help

[tableux]

I don't know if I'm posting this in the right place, but oh well. Anyway, hello! I need help with something that I've needed to get off my chest for a while. For sometime, I've gone through some serious gender dysphoria. It's been really tough, but I've fought through it. One day, I had enough. I was going to come out to my parents as trans. I got to school the next morning, excited but nervous for after school. I walked into my first period study hall. I was doing my homework when one of my friends pointed out my chest binder. Then another one of my friends started telling me "You wanna be a boy!?" Then, my friend told me how feminine I was. But with "a little bit of hormones and testosterone, you'd look like a boy." I know they probably didn't mean to hurt my feelings, but it crushed me. Knowing that I would never be able to pass as a boy. I decided to not come out. But that comment hit me hard. For a few days after that, I cried myself to sleep, on the brink of suicide. A few weeks later, I asked my mom "Do I look feminine?", in which her response was "Extremely. You'd never be able to pass as a boy." Trying not to cry, I walked up to room and broke down. I hate my body. I hate myself. Is there anyway to look more masculine? I have a round face so I'm not sure what kind of hair style would fit me. Any suggestions would be great I would also include pictures but I don't know how to do that lmao

[Megan.]

Hi mate, have a big hug! Sometimes people say things in the best effort to be nice, not knowing it's often the last thing we want to hear!
If you look in the before/after thread you'll see that seriously amazing changes are possible with effort, HRT, time, and possibly some surgeries.
What many find on this journey, is that while they might not pass 100%,they find happiness and comfort, which in the end are (I think) more important.
If you haven't already, it may be worth speaking to a confidential professional (school counsellor / gp) to talk about your feelings a bit.
There's lots of friendly people here, and some great shared experiences. There's also an Introductions thread where you could tell us more about yourself if you feel comfortable doing so.

Hugs,  Megan. X

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[BlueJaye]

Hi, and welcome to the community. Please don't take their comments personally. It is hard for those of us who have struggled with lifelong gender dysphoria to understand what it is like to have absolutely no concept of what it is like. Most of us can't remember a day in our lives when we didn't know this struggle. Likewise, those who have never struggled with it have no idea either. They are not trying to hurt you, they just have no idea how to support you. It's not intentional. There are a few bad apples out there that do like hurting people, but I sincerely don't think these classmates of yours sound like that. It sounds like they have just encountered a person they care about struggling with something they don't understand. As much as possible, be gracious toward them.

As for "never" passing as masculine, that is a strong statement. There are many men on here who probably heard that a thousand times, and yet transitioned fine. I'm sure they will chip in with some advice on how to handle the naysayers and self doubt.

Do you have a therapist you are seeing? If not, I strongly recommend doing whatever it takes to get one. Feeling suicidal is a very dangerous place to be, and us trans people are unfortunately at a much higher risk for it than the general population. Getting the support you need is SO very important.  Please stay active here and get to know some people. Especially men like yourself who have been where you're at and can help you get through these tough times.

[KathyLauren]

Hi, tableux!

Welcome to Susan's.

Kids in school can be cruel.  And if your family members don't know about your identity yet, they don't know that the answer they think is supportive is the "wrong" answer.

You are young, and have an excellent change of passing once you have been on HRT for a while.  Even people who start much later in life get good results.  T is a very powerful hormone, and its effects (facial hair, lowered voice) are unambiguously male.  Most trans men have no trouble passing after a couple of years on T.

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.  Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	Cautionary Note	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

[krobinson103]

My wife told me there was absolutely no chance I'd ever pass a female. She was wrong. Have a little faith that it is possible to be who you need to be. I did it at 43, and just about no one sees a man now. The power of hormones and one baby step at a time is greater than you might think.

[Meghan]

My wife told me there was absolutely no chance I'd ever pass a female. She was wrong. Have a little faith that it is possible to be who you need to be. I did it at 43, and just about no one sees a man now. The power of hormones and one baby step at a time is greater than you might think.

I just let the hormones do their stuff and so far so good.

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[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. In my therapy group many years ago, there were very few FTMs mostly because not that many transitioned at the time. One of the very first to walk through the door appeared extremely feminine and attractive and I found it difficult to see him as a male. He got his letter for testosterone and then it was months before we saw him at group again. It was difficult to recognize him because he had become a young and very attractive male.

Testestrone is very powerful and in one as young as you, it has the potential to completely transform your appearance to the point where your past may never be questioned. There is no reason for you to be depressed about the future because it could be brighter than you can imagine.

Unfortunately the hosting site Photo Bucket did a number on many of the images posted on this site but enough remain that you might benefit by looking at this thread and this thread. Remember that some of it images could be of people pre and early in their treatment with testosterone and it could take a few years for final results.

[Donna]

Don't worry about what others say. No one including ourselves ever know where we will end up and how we will look. I believed I would never pass and dress full time. Just 3 months later after that thought here I am.  Give it time and follow your true feelings.

[Lady Sarah]

There are plenty of trans men with identities that would never be questioned. I had one as a friend, before he got his phalloplasty, and moved. I don't think there is any such thing as a girl that could not look masculine on testosterone.
Never mind your classmates. Kids can be cruel, and many get a kick doing just that. I don't know your parents, so I have no idea what could be on their minds.

[stephaniec]

testosterone has quite a strong effect.

[Kylo]

A few weeks later, I asked my mom "Do I look feminine?", in which her response was "Extremely. You'd never be able to pass as a boy." Trying not to cry, I walked up to room and broke down. I hate my body. I hate myself.

Talk is cheap. People say all sorts of crap and most of them don't know the first thing about HRT. So I wouldn't be listening to those people. 

[Meghan]

Kylo,

Most people talk about HRT from other experience not on their own, so most of the time end up with a weir conversation. As I am a trans woman who is on HRT just four months and I already seen Estrogen doing change my body so fast. Good luck

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[Northern Star Girl]

Hello Tableux , I see that you are new here and may have questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances. 
Be aware that there are lots of members here that can identify with the issues that you brought up in your introduction posting. 

I see that you already received an official welcome message from KathyLauren, but please allow me to also WELCOME you to Susan's Place.  You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others about your transition and to read about others transitions and their trials, tribulations, and successes in their transition journey. 
It is nice that you have signed up so you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other members.
When frustrated or if you have a successful moment in your journey you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....

***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

Please come in and get involved at your own pace.  Be sure to look at the Links that KathyLauren posted below her welcome message to you, there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.
Again, Welcome.
Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

@ Tavleux:
OH, and as KathyLauen mentioned in her welcome message to you....
...please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum to tell the members about yourself.  You will be noticed as a new member and you will receive more interaction from other members here as they will then be aware of your arrival on Susan's Place.

As another note:  I am not certain of your age after reading your very first posting but if you consider yourself a "young" person and not yet 18 years old you might want to go to the Youth Talk Forum here on Susan's

...and then feel free to introduce yourself on the Youth Introductions Forum to let the other young members here know that you are on the site.   The Youth Forums has been especially established for young people on this site...  other young members will be there that can identify with the issues that concern them and possibly you.

Again, welcome,
Danielle

[Northstar]

I've got a friend who started out looking feminine and went on hormones over the next several months and -exactly as intended- now looks like Captain America. 

[ScarletRed]

I don't know if I'm posting this in the right place, but oh well. Anyway, hello! I need help with something that I've needed to get off my chest for a while. For sometime, I've gone through some serious gender dysphoria. It's been really tough, but I've fought through it. One day, I had enough. I was going to come out to my parents as trans. I got to school the next morning, excited but nervous for after school. I walked into my first period study hall. I was doing my homework when one of my friends pointed out my chest binder. Then another one of my friends started telling me "You wanna be a boy!?" Then, my friend told me how feminine I was. But with "a little bit of hormones and testosterone, you'd look like a boy." I know they probably didn't mean to hurt my feelings, but it crushed me. Knowing that I would never be able to pass as a boy. I decided to not come out. But that comment hit me hard. For a few days after that, I cried myself to sleep, on the brink of suicide. A few weeks later, I asked my mom "Do I look feminine?", in which her response was "Extremely. You'd never be able to pass as a boy." Trying not to cry, I walked up to room and broke down. I hate my body. I hate myself. Is there anyway to look more masculine? I have a round face so I'm not sure what kind of hair style would fit me. Any suggestions would be great I would also include pictures but I don't know how to do that lmao

That's just BS I have seen some amazing results of testosterone I would go on YouTube and see some videos and see for yourself what testosterone can do and stop listening to people who have no experience with such things.

Best Wishes
ScarletRed [emoji847]


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[MeTony]

Welcome tableux.

People talk a lot and know very little. Hormones are powerful.

I'm pre T. I can get a makeup done on me and get my hair styled like a woman so my own grandma won't recognize me. If I had longer hair that is. Hair and makeup does a lot to make other people gender you either way.

You are young. I wish I had started in my teens, but waited til I was 40. You have your whole life ahead of you. Make it what matters to you. Not other people.

I also want you to find a therapist to talk to about your feelings. Suicidal thoughts is not a nice path to walk. I've been there too.

I can put two pics of me here that show how different you can look with just a little makeup and without makeup and a new hair style.


This is what I started out with...
https://imgur.com/a/yxzaL


This is what haircut and no makep does...
https://imgur.com/a/Bnqiw



Tony

[MeTony]

What haircut do you have today?

Check magazines and see what you like. Ask the barber what haircut enhances or hides features in your face. They have been very helpful when I was finding my style.

[MeTony]

Also, remember that people who know you now as AFAB. Will have a hard time to see you as anything else to start with. Best way to see if you look like a boy are strangers. Strangers have no history with you and won't see the girl hiding the boy.

[FinallyMichelle]

WE CANNOT KNOW WHAT TRANSITION WILL DO FOR US!
Sorry, but you do not KNOW you will never pass as a boy. It may seem impossible right now, I know, but it is not. Start moving forward and keep believing.

When I told my best friend she said that I will never pass as a girl. Recently we had dinner together she said, "So what's left, just surgery? You pass, definitely all girl. I've known you for 20 years and I can't even remember you being a boy. You don't talk about transition anymore and I don't think about it but are you still planning on having the surgery?"

I don't know why people say those things when we first come out. It is incredibly hurtful. I have heard it all. You will make an ugly woman. No straight guy will ever go out with you. On and on, it hurt soooooo bad. Not anymore. I have had people say that they didn't remember me as a boy, did I sound like a boy? I use my old voice and every time it freaks them out. That's disturbing. Don't ever do that again. Eww, no I am sure that you didn't sound like that.

Please don't lose heart. You have barely begun.
Hugs