Euphoria vs. Dysphoria

[Marcieelizabeth]

Hi all! 

It seems I flip back and forth from Euphoria, feeling so happy that I found the truth and can hopefully continue to reach being just (as in only, Marcie!) me, to being Dysphoric about not yet being fully out and not able to fully be me.  It is stressful for sure, but it is a necessary part of transitioning I think.  Anyone have good ways that worked to help stop flipping back and forth and just relax and let the transition happen? 

Anyone over this and have good words for those of us not there yet?

I was a bit confused about Dysphoria at first, I thought it meant hating who I was or my male body parts, but told my Therapist I was not very dysphoric, because for more than 50 years I was okay with my maleness, and he described to me that not wanting to remain male, to want to have surgery, to not be where I know I will eventually be, is being dysphoric, that kind of took away some of my euphoric feelings of where I am.  I do know that having good friends who have gone through this, or who are supportive, or at least are there to listen when I need it is the only thing that is getting me through this alive! 

So I think my life is one Euphoric moment followed by a dysphoric moment...Anyone else there too? 

I also have many other stresses happening in my life too, one daughter has severe clinical anxiety, not related to my changes, a son who has Asperger's, and my wife is going through a major recovery from an severe orthopedic injury - so far it has been 4 months of me having to take care of her and ALL the family duties, cooking shopping washing cleaning...life can be tough, but on the other  hand I am feeling strong getting through it. Who else has major stresses going opn that make it difficult to transition?

Let me know what makes you euphoric and what brings on the euphoria for you!

Love and Hugs to you all, Marcie!

[Karen]

I can totally relate.   

Things that create euphoria for me are the times where I acknowledge "me" by being me for a period of time and feeling so good about it. And when I talk to this group and my therapists, and feel real and normal....uncommon but real and me. 

I use other ways like a bit of clothing and make up all the time to acknowledge me and feel complete.  Having this to look forward to and knowing it is not too far away has helped through the other times.  I am also working on gratitude to help keep me positive.

Surrounding myself with supportive energy is big, and dysphoria is quickly triggered when I feel judgement or abnormal from others.  Then I look in the mirror and feel bad about clothes, body, etc...all triggered by negative energy.   

Keep creating your happy place, and feeling gratitude. 

Thanks for sharing.  It's good to not feel alone.   

[Marcieelizabeth]

I can totally relate.   

Things that create euphoria for me are the times where I acknowledge "me" by being me for a period of time and feeling so good about it. And when I talk to this group and my therapists, and feel real and normal....uncommon but real and me. 

I use other ways like a bit of clothing and make up all the time to acknowledge me and feel complete.  Having this to look forward to and knowing it is not too far away has helped through the other times.  I am also working on gratitude to help keep me positive.

Surrounding myself with supportive energy is big, and dysphoria is quickly triggered when I feel judgement or abnormal from others.  Then I look in the mirror and feel bad about clothes, body, etc...all triggered by negative energy.   

Keep creating your happy place, and feeling gratitude. 

Thanks for sharing.  It's good to not feel alone.

Thanks Karen,  My therapist has suggested what you are doing a number of times, doing something small to keep me on a high side and keep away the dysphoria.  But I must be the most impatient person because I am doing all those things and I cycle back and forth anyway.  My family who I am mostly not out to just think I am crazy I think.  My wife gets why but she is unapologetic sort of like: you wanted this right?  She and I have  raised a teenage girl who is now 27 and we have a second who is 16 now so she I think sees me as another moody teenager. But I think this is worse!

[KathyLauren]

Being unable to transition, for whatever reason, must be the hardest thing.  When I was in the in-between phase, out to some but mostly still closeted, presenting female in private but male in public, I found it very hard to take.  My dysphoria was perhaps slightly less intense than before I came out, because I knew I was working on it and that progress would come, but having to keep a male face on things knowing that that was not who I really was was difficult.

The only way I was able to make it bearable was to make some kind of progress in my transition.  I got my ears pierced and started wearing simple siver studs in them.  I started underdressing.  I'd go with my wife to clothing stores and buy an item or two of women's clothing, knowing that eventually I would be able to wear them.  When I went to my support group, I started presenting in female form.  I got a friend to teach me makeup basics.  I'd go through my friends list thinking who else I could safely come out to.  Anything that made progress helped.

In the long run, the only thing that truly worked for me was to transition socially.

[Marcieelizabeth]

Being unable to transition, for whatever reason, must be the hardest thing.  When I was in the in-between phase, out to some but mostly still closeted, presenting female in private but male in public, I found it very hard to take.  My dysphoria was perhaps slightly less intense than before I came out, because I knew I was working on it and that progress would come, but having to keep a male face on things knowing that that was not who I really was was difficult.

The only way I was able to make it bearable was to make some kind of progress in my transition.  I got my ears pierced and started wearing simple siver studs in them.  I started underdressing.  I'd go with my wife to clothing stores and buy an item or two of women's clothing, knowing that eventually I would be able to wear them.  When I went to my support group, I started presenting in female form.  I got a friend to teach me makeup basics.  I'd go through my friends list thinking who else I could safely come out to.  Anything that made progress helped.

In the long run, the only thing that truly worked for me was to transition socially.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!  so much of what you say rings trus for me right now.  I am not being as careful as you were though.  I wear androgynous women's clothes all the time but I am not out o anyone but my wife and a few close T friends.  My one daughter sort of has it figured out without us saying anything to each other.  We shop for women's clothes together! I know...

And I constantly am looking for another person I know who I can come out to so I have a bigger support circle.  I lean on a few friends way too much I think.  It is extremely hard for me right now in fact the hardest thing I have had to do ever!   Sorry, I am tearing up here, but then Hallmark commercials have always...well...I am a sensitive woman who used to be a sensitive man outwardly too. 

Thanks for your reply it helps to know I am not alone in feeling this way and that others care!

Marcie

[Karen]

Thanks to you both.   I did not say it was easy, but how I was managing. 

It is really hard...it too Ned to feel like I am moving forward, bit by bit.   This helps.  But even then, I get overwhelmed at times by Dysphoria and I need to be me.   I now have lipstick in my car so I can put it on and feel more complete for my times on the road.   Tonight I drove home from work and stopped to put heels on so I could feel more complete.   It is hard and I feel the need to completeness growing.  I just hope I can't slow it down enough to not destroy my family and cater.