Facing destransition cause I don't pass

[Cassie-tight]

Anyone thought of detransitioning cause they saw they wouldn't "pass"?
I'm awfully binary and I find myself not passing as a girl after a long time on hrt, it's really ->-bleeped-<- socially and not where I wanna be. Anyone thought of just going back to pretending to be a boi so stuff would be less ->-bleeped-<-ty?

[SailorMars1994]

May I be so bold to ask? how old are you and when did you start HRT?

This time last year, during my prime I was still often misgendered. Now, even after break off HRT I am starting to get called female pronouns and stuff. it takes time and a lot of work <3

[Janes Groove]

My worst times were the 6 months I spent living full time when I was pre-HRT.  I got to a point though that I just didn't give 2 figs anymore about what other people thought.  It helped that I had lived as an openly gay person for 20 years previously so I was no stranger to discrimination because of who I am and had developed a finely-tuned sense of righteous indignation to all the haters in this world.   For me it was just a matter of asking, "which pain is greater?"  Dealing with the storm of transphobia in the world or living a double life.  Have you found a good support group?  That can be a real asset.

[RavenMoon]

HRT doesn't change facial bone structure. That's why most MTF people need FFS.

And this is why I am not living full time (or even part time) yet. I won't pass without FFS and I refuse to put myself in that situation.

Call me vain, but I care about how I look. Not so much about what others think.


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[AnonyMs]

I'm essentially doing that, skipping the step of socially transitioning in the first place. I've been on HRT 8 years now and pursuing medical rather than social transition. I feel pretty good these days.

Its not ideal, but a whole lot better than not doing anything at all. I don't know how typical I am though, and its possible I'm non-binary since I seem to be able to cope with this a lot better than others do. I'm very binary in terms of wanting to pass one way or the other.

[LizK]

Anyone thought of detransitioning cause they saw they wouldn't "pass"?
I'm awfully binary and I find myself not passing as a girl after a long time on hrt, it's really ->-bleeped-<- socially and not where I wanna be. Anyone thought of just going back to pretending to be a boi so stuff would be less ->-bleeped-<-ty?

Hi Cassie-tight
Welcome and I hope you enjoy your time here at Susan's.

If you are having difficulty passing and this is the reason that you want to detransition then can I suggest you have a think about how you felt pre-hrt? Whatever was happening then is likely to return with the cessation of HRT. Is there someone close to you who you can talk this out with...do you have any access to counsellors that may be able to help you. Is it worth getting a second opinion on your HRT regime...how long is a long time on HRT for you? HRT can take years and years depending on your age, to make a difference. 


Regards

Liz


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[VeronicaLynn]

I don't pass either. I'm not going back to pretending to being a guy, though I dress mostly androgynously. People can think what they want, usually they think I'm a feminine gay guy, and they thought that even when I was trying to pretend to be a guy. It used to bother me then, but now I kind of like that they are reading me as LGBTQ, even if it's the wrong one of those letters.

[CharleeGrrl]

Anyone thought of detransitioning cause they saw they wouldn't "pass"?
I'm awfully binary and I find myself not passing as a girl after a long time on hrt, it's really ->-bleeped-<- socially and not where I wanna be. Anyone thought of just going back to pretending to be a boi so stuff would be less ->-bleeped-<-ty?

I did that back in the '90s. It had a lot to do with my children and a lack of acceptance from my then-very close immediate family. I never should've done that.
   Transitioning should only ever happen for a person who really wants it. My fears of "not passing" were absolutely groundless. After 10 years away from hormones, I opened up to my VA doctor, and he immediately prescribed hormones, Spiro and therapy (I really was helped there!).
   The care I've received has been world-class, and all because I was open and honest. And my kids, now grown, have almost all come around.
   But that's because I now accept ME.
   After 3 years back on hormones, I am always referred to as "ma'am". Even in scruffy clothing without makeup, my hair up in a ponytail.
   Hair. Let it grow! A woman's hair is her glory! Let your hair really grow, and then start getting it styled and shaped by a friendly stylist. Stop the fear!
   Like President Roosevelt once said, "We have nothing to fear except fear itself".
   And you should always love yourself a lot!

     

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[Dani]

When I first transitioned, I was told that the best I could hope for is to be androgynous. That is perfectly acceptable to me. I am at the age where I do not care what other people think about me.

Now I am post op and I feel fantastic. After only 2 years on HRT, I rarely get called sir and now nobody even questions me when I enter a public ladies restroom. I wish I had transitioned decades ago.

[Danielle M]

I have been on hormones for about 3 years and have had FFS.  I still Don't pass and I am seriously thinking of giving up.  I don't present full time because of this.

[Doreen]

Went off hormones a couple months so far for a clean blood test.  I pass just fine (and by that I mean I get mammed anywhere I go).. Maybe its attitude? Maybe perspective.  Maybe funky genes.  Confidence though, is important.. VERY important.  I've seen cis that I knew were cis because of how they acted even though their face to me at least screamed trans.

Why?  Because they didn't act like anything was out of place.  Fake it till you make it.

[LizK]

I have been on hormones for about 3 years and have had FFS.  I still Don't pass and I am seriously thinking of giving up.  I don't present full time because of this.

Personally I find the whole idea of "passing" to be a bit of slippery slope...when I go out I am treated the same as my female partner, politely and always she and her, I have intimate interactions with other women and am accepted by them ...I am not openly laughed at nor ridiculed....do I pass? I don't need to pass I just need to be treated properly. Have a close look at your average cis woman and many of them have features that could be considered masculine, but people look at the whole package...there is so much more to it that simple looks. Sometimes our fears have us seeing things in a skewed way,

I get treated as a female because I interact that way....so what is it? What makes the difference? What do you want to happen now that isn't happening? in other words how do you think you would be treated if you did "pass" as opposed to how you get treated now?

I understand that you want to "pass" and sometimes we do "pass" without realising it is actually happening and unfortunately this can lead to us outing ourselves. Having confidence in yourself goes a long way but like most things it is only one part of the total package.

Take care

Liz

[CarlyMcx]

This is not my first attempt at transitioning.  It is my fourth.  The first three were wrecked by lack of funds (1982) possible loss of professional license due to gender identity disorder being classed as mental illness (1989) and potential loss of law practice and visitation with son due to bigoted court personnel (1998).

I resolved that if God let me do this then one thing I would not do is ever complain that the results of transitioning are not good enough for me.  I resolved that any day on hormones is a good one, and any day spent in female presentation is a good one.

So, no.  I would never consider detransitionng just because I don't pass.  I fought too hard for this and suffered through too much to get here.  The only thing that matters is that I see a girl when I look in the mirror. 

[Rachel_Christina]

I went through one phase of considering quiting, but that was a year ago near the beginning.
If you are trans, you will always be trans even if you don't transition.
Just a whole lot happier since transition. Atleast I am and people I have talked to