Quote from: Steph2.0 on October 03, 2018, 09:51:13 AM
Danielle, there's no doubt that you have positively affected the entire "flavor" of Susan's since "aspiring_person" blasted onto the scene. I admit that there were times, when I was feeling overwhelmed with my world, that I was painfully jealous of the life you lead. But as I've grown more confident and happy, I find I take great joy and hope in watching your story.
I, too, worry about "over-sharing." I do tend to write novelettes. I've probably lost some readers who've decided TL;DR. In fact, I've even considered renaming my thread "Stephanie's TL;DR". But I've adopted the attitude that if only one other person reads my thread and gets some small benefit from it - even if just entertainment - then I'm happy. And like you, I've found it's so helpful to go back and reread what I've been able to accomplish despite my fears.
I do have a question: Before you revealed yourself to your small town, was living stealth really all that stressful? When times have gotten bad, my BFF and I have often discussed the attraction of "pulling a Danielle" as we've come to call it. Just pull up stakes and disappear to somewhere new to start over, far from anyone who would deadname or misgender you. It would only make sense for me after I've finished the physical transitioning (post-op), but even then some local healthcare people would have to know, so it's probably not realistic long-term, with our over-connected world. But the wish to separate from the old world can sometimes be very strong. Any insights are appreciated.
And thank you for being you, and being here for us.
Stephanie
@Steph2.0 @SadieBlake Dear Stephanie:Great question... my answer is a resounding,
"yes it was very stressful" living stealth as a full time woman that relocated to a very small and conservative town full of rough and tumble men and women in the middle of nowhere, to start up a woman owned business.
As I mentioned in various comments in my thread back in the early spring, my friendships along with my suitors were developing at a rapid rate and when I would
come out eventually I was so very worried about the repercussions and reaction of those that I had become close to and of the fact that I had lived there as a woman for 1 1/2 years essentially
very stressed over hiding my secret and then by revealing it later and thereby deceiving those that I have befriended and earned their trust.
VERY STRESSFUL INDEED.I did, as you had coined,
pulled a "Danielle" .... the catalyst for me relocating was initiated by the fact that
no one back then in my hometown including my family, mom and dad, old long term best friends, etc, would accept me and my transition decision. (4 years later they still do not
) Then as I was getting close to going full-time I had trepidation and grounded fears about coming out at my executive job.
I had been moderating two finance and accounting forums, one from my college days as a grad student and one associated with my executive job as the head of the accounting department. The business I presently now have was vacated by one of my CPA accountant friends on one of those forums... he was retiring and because of the small isolated town location, there were no other financial and tax planning firms for the clients in town that he was serving.... so I jumped at the opportunity.... I phoned a few of the appropriate town business people and a town official, plus I contacted the land-lord of the business space that the retiring accountant had for his office.... right next door to the local Coffee Shop!!!! I could not have planned the location better.
I immediately gave notice and quit my male-mode job, said my goodbyes to my non-accepting family and so-called long-time best friends friends.... packed up and quickly moved up here to my new adventure and my new business... most of that is covered with some detail early on in my thread.
So,
Stephanie, you can now get a feeling for
how very stressful it was for me to live stealth in my previous location and certainly and especially in my new location where if my secret were revealed too early and/or at the wrong time in the wrong way, I would break any present and future trust with my new acquaintances, new friends, new business clients, and of course my developing suitors.
Looking back it has worked out very well,
I lived up here for 1 1/2 years as a woman, no one here knew of my secret, but I took advantage of the time to develop community connections and to be involved in many community events, make solid friendships and build a trusted base of business clients so when I did come out, even though it was a shock to all, I already had proven myself as a respectable and responsible business woman and friend... and not some strange person from out of town.
NOTE to @SadieBlake ... this next paragraph will answer the question that you had in your reply comment..
I hope this lets you know my view about the
stress of living in stealth but also I made an important point about building trust and proving myself as a reliable and responsible person
before I came out to the town. When it was revealed that I was a trans-woman, there were only a handful of locals that did not accept me and when they made disparaging comments about me in the coffee shop... (notably my then
Suitor #1 and his woman friend) .... the
owner of the coffee shop, some employees there and a few customers that overheard the insulting and rude comments about me came to my defense in a big way.... and then the
coffee shop owner asked them to shut up or leave... WOW... beyond my wildest expectations, what more could one ask for.
Also when I encountered the
creepy gym-guy Suitor #2 that was staring at me and making inappropriate advances toward me at the gym, a few of my gym-gals came to my rescue... body guards... and drove him off... safety in numbers but enhanced also building trusting relationships first.
So sorry this got so very long and possibly boring... but what I had to say could not be condensed... I want some of my new followers to get the salient points of doing thing right and at the right time.
Of course not everyone is in a position of being able to instantly quit a good high paying job and being able to move to another state in a moments notice... what really helped is that I had a valuable skill as a result of my college education and the fact that I did not have a spouse and kids and house payments and all of those complications that would not allow one to easily
"pull a Danielle"Any questions or comments are welcome.
Danielle
