Spent the last couple of days fuming over my experience with the last doctor I saw about this. I experienced the gatekeeping I heard happened for the first time, along with every excuse under the sun as to why I shouldnt transition, and now see it as it is: the NHS doing it's thing.
But from this, something else has come, that I think is really important, my 'I've had it now' feeling. I feel a few cogs turning in me that haven't moved in a long time. It might have taken this to get me to think 'how dare you say that to me' or 'how dare someone else have the nerve to tell me who I am and how I should feel, what I should do etc.' And then very quickly that's been the whole problem with years of my life. I've LET people, my family, former friends, partners do that to me, and now I don't even care about getting a diagnosis to 'confirm' if I am 'trans enough.' I know I am trans because I do not feel my identity is congruent with my biology and my sex. I do not need another person's approval, especially not someone who isn't experiencing what I am feeling to tell me I'm too young, my hobbies aren't feminine enough and that (in spite of years of testing throughout school that showed otherwise) within 30 minutes they believe I am autistic and thus I am not trans (because that makes any sense right?)
I know me, I know my feelings and thoughts and i will not go quietly. It may be a slow battle but I will come out on top better for this epiphany and I will absolutely be who I am meant to. If that means my transition is hormonal, social, next year or in 30 years, if I do or dont go on hormones in the end, if I grow comfortable enough to live as I am with love and support from myself (first an foremost) and others, or I lead the double life I basically am now, it wont matter.
Now if you all excuse me, Im going to bed ready to slay tomorrow.
