Where do I start with my story? I am from the USA. As my name suggests, this is the way I feel. "Under cover girl." I thought that would be a clever enough name
I currently live as male and have never even seen the proper therapists or doctors. I just took the COGIATI and got a result of 180.
QuoteCOGIATI classification FOUR, PROBABLE TRANSSEXUAL
What this means is that the Combined Gender Identity And Transsexuality Inventory has classified your internal gender identity to be essentially feminine, but with some masculine or androgynous traits. It is very possible that you are a candidate for a diagnosis of transsexualism. You show a strong degree of gender dysphoria. At the very least, further investigation should be undertaken. Your COGIATI score places you among the majority of those diagnosed as transsexuals, the 'late onset' tanssexual.
SUGGESTIONS FOR ACTION:
Your situation is potentially serious and indicative of a probable inborn gender conflict. It is definitely recommended that you pursue further action.
The suggestions for your circumstance are several.
My story definitely doesn't begin with COGIATI. I remember, as a young boy of only three years, seeing my cousin's vagina and instantly wanting to be made like her. I envied it right away. I liked hanging around with girls when I was that age. My mother would take me, as a small boy, into the public restrooms with her and I would see her sit to pee. I wanted to be just like mama. I would try to sit and pee, but my mother would catch me and scold and say, " only little girls sit to tee tee, you're a little boy. Little boys aren't supposed to do that." and ignorant garbage such as that. I wanted panties, night shirts, and dresses, but was afraid to ask because of my mother's stances on things. I used to shove on and hide my genitals. I figured out tucking by myself as a child. Dysphoria was always there. It came and went. I used to wish my penis would fall off, wish they would give children sex changes, etc. I loved* Pippi Longstocking as a child (still do). My mother would say, "You can watch Pippi, but, don't start acting like a little girl. If you start acting like a little girl, you can't watch Pippi anymore." Yes, my mother, who was very dysfunctional, said this. This is just the tip of the iceberg with her. How mean. What a horrible way to talk to your child. The dysphoria has disappeared and come back time and again over the years. I've been putting off even an investigation into transition for current social reasons, the status I currently hold in my community, and for financial reasons. Plus, having been forced to be a guy so many years, I really do have some androgynous and masculine traits, just like the COGIATI said. I guess i've always had them. I never* fit in with boys my age when I was a child though. Never. I tried,sometimes painfully hard, to be interested in the same things. I'm not sure what I want to do. However, getting the proper counseling is a key thing regardless. I'm sure there are those here who can sympathize. I'm 34 and single, so, at least I don't have a spouse or girlfriend to worry about. However, I do have to stay closeted due to my position and occupation. Discrimination is not allowed in the workplace anywhere in our organization according to the HR department, however, it's complicated. I have my reasons for staying hidden. I also live in the south. Arkansas is not a good place to be when you're trans. My dysphoria is pretty strong right now, so, I'm doing my best to deal with it. Cross dressing might help. Did you know I've never seriously tried it? I've put on dresses before and got a hold of some langerie one time. But, I've never purchased cloths specifically for that purpose. Clothing, in my opinion, is only an expression. Cloths don't change the genitals that you want changed. What do I do? Who knows at this point. I'm open to advice from those who know. Thank you for listening.
UnderCoverGirl
