Hello everyone,
Today I finally spoke to my Step-Dad (real Dad is out of the picture) about my impending transition. I had feared that his reaction would be of biblical proportions. He is a 'man's man' as he puts it and I thought his reaction would be a very negative one so I've hesitated to tell him.
After talking with my mother, we both agreed it would be best if she was to tell him without me present (I live in Japan and we only skype together once a week) and she has been putting it off for a couple of weeks. On Thursday she told him.
She sent me an email and I skyped with just her on Friday. She told me he was extremely shocked and was even a little sad about it all. Certainly not the ranting and raving that we were both expecting. She also said she thought he would be 'OK' with it.
Tonight I just skyped with them both for the first time since my Dad was told. It started off with him saying he categorically would never accept it and that a man is a man, and a woman is a woman no matter what a person does to themselves. He also told me that the next time I return to live with them (which is just over a week from now as I am leaving Japan) will be the final time I will be allowed to live with them. Once I move out after being with them for a month or two that I wouldn't be allowed back. However. He said if I wanted to visit for a weekend then I would have to stay at a B&B. To me this says he is not forbaying me to come and visit them, only not to come to his home. This may sound terrible to some people, but for me it is a relief. To me it tells me he still wants contact in some fashion and isn't cutting me off. I wouldn't have been surprised if I'd have gotten the same lecture even if I wasn't transitioning since he doesn't really want me around and wants me 'out of the house'. Which is fair enough, I am 30 after all.
He also made it clear that in the couple of months I was going to be living with my parents that I wasn't going to do anything. I need to go away and have it 'done' (he's still of the mind that the only thing involved is a sex change and a boob job, to him there is nothing more to it than that). Which is fine. Any meds I start taking in the meantime won't really be noticeable to others for at least 3 or so months and I hope to have moved out by then. I also have no intention of starting my social transition while still living with them. I'm not so egotistical that I think my needs should come before everyone else's. It's hard enough for the both of them, without me dressing as a woman one day and a man the next etc. It's also their house and I need to respect that.
After stating where he stood on the subject a somewhat awkward silence followed. My Mum broke it by moving onto other subjects but after a while I brought it back round to me again. I asked if he had any questions as there usually are many when someone 'comes out'. Apparently my Mum had already told him a lot about what she had asked me and he didn't really have any specific questions.
He is also of the mind that I've been lying to him for years. I told him it wasn't so much lying as not admitting the truth but he said that it was things such as leading him on about finding a job as a lorry driver when I came back from Japan. I told him I had to say something and it took me a lot of time to come out to everyone. He just sat there looking unimpressed.
We then made arrangements for them to pick me up from the station next week.
Overall I think the outcome was a positive one. I knew he was never going to be accepting of it, and certainly not supportive. But he hasn't cast me off or disowned me and he is willing to tolerate me for now, at least until I start to 'change'. There is also a chance that his attitude will get better towards me over time and is what my Mum is hopeful for.
On a lighter note, I've told my two best (male) friends. Both are very accepting and supporting as I expected them to be. One even wants to meet 'me' before I leave Japan and will be coming along to my final salon visit next Sunday. I'm really looking forward to that.
In a couple of weeks it should hopefully be time to start the next chapter.
Onwards and upwards!
Kokoro
