17 years old and lost

[penguin]

hey everyone. i know this is an overused topic, and you probably have talked about it on here before. but i'm wondering how you choose a name to stick with, and to legally change to. i've been at a rut for months now on which name i should go with changing to legally and going by, but each one i try doesn't feel right. when i finally find a name i could potentially like and use, someone in my family has the same name so it'd just feel weird. i keep feeling like the name that i could actually use doesn't fit me. how'd you figure it out? thanks.

[Northern Star Girl]

hey everyone. i know this is an overused topic, and you probably have talked about it on here before. but i'm wondering how you choose a name to stick with, and to legally change to. i've been at a rut for months now on which name i should go with changing to legally and going by, but each one i try doesn't feel right. when i finally find a name i could potentially like and use, someone in my family has the same name so it'd just feel weird. i keep feeling like the name that i could actually use doesn't fit me. how'd you figure it out? thanks.

@ Penquin:  Particularly at your age... 17 years old... you want to give choosing your new name a lot of serious thought because changing it later can cause confusion and be a big problem later on.
   
As far as I know there is no magic formula for choosing your "new-you" name, obviously you are the one who has to be happy with it... but also it should be something that will later in your life be acceptable when forming new relationships, getting jobs, etc....  in other words, it shouldn't be something too far out there, unless of course that is what you really want!

Perhaps there will be others here that can contribute to suggestions. 
Wishing you the best,
Danielle

[PurpleWolf]

hey everyone. i know this is an overused topic, and you probably have talked about it on here before. but i'm wondering how you choose a name to stick with, and to legally change to. i've been at a rut for months now on which name i should go with changing to legally and going by, but each one i try doesn't feel right. when i finally find a name i could potentially like and use, someone in my family has the same name so it'd just feel weird. i keep feeling like the name that i could actually use doesn't fit me. how'd you figure it out? thanks.

I've had huge issues on mine. I finally got it legally changed just fairly recently - and it's been AWESOME!!! It took me more than 6 months to figure out a suitable name - and then I couldn't have it after all... (complex story - won't get into detail here) After that it took a couple of months more to figure out a new name. I stopped using my deadname around 12-13 and after that had a bunch of nicknames etc. that I went by. I had issues legally changing it though so didn't until now.

Tip 1: Yes, it takes time, unfortunately. No need to rush things if you just can't decide. Then you must just keep exploring and trying out new names. Eventually you will find one that fits  .

Tip 2: I understand that having a family member with the same name could be an issue - but if you really like a name that shouldn't keep you from having it though. In many families there are close members who have the same name, and it's fine. Just because you choose it yourself and are transgender doesn't change things.

Tip 3:

i keep feeling like the name that i could actually use doesn't fit me.

This sounds like you already have a good option? Well, that totally depends on what you actually mean by that. My SO told me honestly certain names wouldn't fit me and I agree. Though good names, they weren't really 'me'. On the other hand if you really like a name, that's your choice! It doesn't have to particularly 'fit' you - you will grow used to it anyway  . And new people will only know you as that!

My name is an interesting story: The name I came up with in the end wasn't at all what I had depicted in my mind beforehand. I've learned though that as long as the name is good, you like it in general, and it's a name of the correct gender, you will get used to it! And grow to like it. I took this name searching thing really seriously and must've gone through hundreds if not thousands of names on baby name websites. That helped in a way it gave me some new ideas. In the end though the names I chose weren't even initially on my list  ! So... you will either start to like a certain name more with time, or then just have a lightbulb moment at some point, or figure out a completely new name out of the blue!

My advice: Don't fret too much on if the name is 'right' or a 'great fit'. As long as you like the name in general, you will grow to like it and identify as that. On the other hand, give yourself as much time as is needed. Choosing a new name for yourself isn't something you can or need to do in a hurry. You can't force yourself to decide if you just don't feel like it. Maybe give yourself a little bit more time - and all the pieces will fall in place in the end,  .

Here's a great babyname site I use:
http://www.babynamewizard.com/

Also these are good sites:
https://nameberry.com/

http://www.babynames.com/

Another tip:
I also googled the names I liked and checked pics of people with that name! And how that name looks like written in different fonts etc. and whatever comes up with that search! Seeing it 'used' somewhere (as in pics) will give you an idea if that looks like a good match to you.

In the end the choice is yours! You may ask others for opinions - but don't let them influence you too much. This is your chance of recreating yourself! You don't need to pick a name that suited your 'old self'. You can become whatever  ! Choose a name that highlights the person you want to become! Not what you used to be. A name can be a powerful thing and an important part of your identity.

[KathyLauren]

When I started, I had no idea what name I wanted to use.  To sign up here, I picked my username based on variations on my male first and middle names, because I couldn't think of anything better.  Over the next year or so, I got used to being addressed by it.  When it came time to come out to people and tell them my chosen name, I realized that Kathy Lauren felt like it really was my name.  So that's what I put on my legal name change form: Kathleen Lauren <lastname>.

[Corrina]

 This might be harder for someone so young, I always love the name I chose. It fit me before I was 11, it was the name I used during dress up. When you decide make sure it fits your personality and who you want to be known as for the rest of your life. It will come to you, don't stress over it or over think. Choose it when you are happy and having good thoughts about your new life and future.

[Devlyn]

My best friend named me.

If you find a name you like, use it even if someone else in the family already is. No one "owns" a name. The only issue I see is if you want the same name as a sibling.

Disregard any advice you get about avoiding an uncommon name. I get nothing but compliments on Devlyn. The key word is "uncommon", if you pick an outlandish name, expect to raise some eyebrows. 

Wear your new name with pride and confidence.

Hugs, Devlyn

[LilDevilOfPrada]

When I was young I chose the name Zoey but as time passed I really found that name to random. I ended up just taking my male name and using the generic female version because it simple and yet familiar. It sure helped my parents cope more and does make it easier to explain older items with my old male name.

[Jessica]

I chose a name that was similar to my old one, but asked the forum what a good middle name for me would be.  I asked them to look into my eyes and see who I am.  Without prompting "Marie" was suggested numerous times.  The first mention came from a dear friend, the next another close friend, and then another. 

[Susan Baum]

I first used the name my mother had picked should I (oh, how I wish) had been born a girl. Since I was openly CDing at home during my tween and early teen years, it was an easy call for Mom and my sister. In my early 20's, Michelle gave way to Susan at the behest of my then future bride and lives on as my middle name.

Baby name lists may help if you go to those commonly used around the time you were born. Pick a name you can live with for now and try it on for fit for a while. If your parents are on board, ask them the "what if" question. I have had many a friend who initially used ageless gender neutral names such as Dana, Tracy, Morgan and Chris during their questioning phase and stay with them forever.

Remember, at 17, you have a long life yet to live and, until you legally change it, it's not cast in concrete.

<<Hugs>>
Susan