What's a good comeback when someone verbally harasses you?

[KarlMars]

I heard some people talking badly about other transgender people on the bus and decided not to say anything because they weren't talking to me, but I have imagined scenarios in my head of things people may say in the future ( I start T in August) and what I will say back to them. Does anyone have any examples of comebacks they've said and would you like to share your situation?

[Gertrude]

If it's not addressed to you, saying something could be looking for trouble. The question is, what will be solved ? Changing peoples hearts and minds from the outside is rare. I'm big enough they might think twice about stepping up to the plate, but I don't bounce like I used to.


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[KarlMars]

If it's not addressed to you, saying something could be looking for trouble. The question is, what will be solved ? Changing peoples hearts and minds from the outside is rare. I'm big enough they might think twice about stepping up to the plate, but I don't bounce like I used to.


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I won't say anything to people who aren't talking directly to me. I can ignore passive aggressivness. I was think more along the lines of if someone said something to me in a bathroom.

[KathyLauren]

I won't say anything to people who aren't talking directly to me. I can ignore passive aggressivness. I was think more along the lines of if someone said something to me in a bathroom.

If someone said something to me, I think I would go for minimal engagement.  "Hon, I'm just here to pee," or something to that effect.  I would avoid saying anything provocative like "Mind your own ... <snip> ... business," or attempting to educate them, however tempting, because the objective is to avoid escalation. 

I want them to shut up and leave me alone, but telling them that may not be the best way to achieve it.  If just leaving will accomplish it, that's what I am likely to do.

[KarlMars]

If someone said something to me, I think I would go for minimal engagement.  "Hon, I'm just here to pee," or something to that effect.  I would avoid saying anything provocative like "Mind your own ... <snip> ... business," or attempting to educate them, however tempting, because the objective is to avoid escalation. 

I want them to shut up and leave me alone, but telling them that may not be the best way to achieve it.  If just leaving will accomplish it, that's what I am likely to do.

What about since I'll be in the men's restroom saying "Don't bother me,please." If he said something first.

[Lady Sarah]

Confronting others is rarely a wise choice. However, if you don't care, and just want to be left alone, "that's not what your mom said" might shut up some. Unfortunately, it could lead to worse problems.

[Sparklefish]

I really think you should listen to everyone here and not engage people who might potentially hurt you. There are some violent crazy people out there hon.I worry so much about the trans community's safety. I signed my son up for self defense classes in case he gets in a bad situation and has to defend himself. Maybe taking a class like that would make you feel better and you'd learn some handy skills in the process. Stay safe!

[barbie]

I really think you should listen to everyone here and not engage people who might potentially hurt you. There are some violent crazy people out there hon.I worry so much about the trans community's safety. I signed my son up for self defense classes in case he gets in a bad situation and has to defend himself. Maybe taking a class like that would make you feel better and you'd learn some handy skills in the process. Stay safe!

The best skill for self defense is always running away.

Avoid any potentially-dangerous person or place.

barbie~~

[Sparklefish]

No I was suggesting self defense classes so that the he (sorry I can't see your name while I write this reply) can fight but so that he could deal with the feelings he is is feeling and feel empowered. I believe in learning self defense in case you are attacked. Too many trans people being attacked in murdered statistic wise. It helps me personally sleep at night knowing my son is equipped to handle himself if god forbid someone jumps him and he can't get away.

[ReplacementSarah]

If you need to say something back to them: be polite, do your best to project confidence, don't say anything that will escalate the situation and speak loudly enough for anyone nearby to hear you. If possible, withdraw from the situation. You want to do your best to set yourself up as the non-aggressor in the minds of any potential witnesses in case something does happen.

[Gertrude]

I won't say anything to people who aren't talking directly to me. I can ignore passive aggressivness. I was think more along the lines of if someone said something to me in a bathroom.

Depends on what was said. It could range from "you'd have to stand on your mother's shoulders just to kiss my arse" to "wouldn't it be funny if a ->-bleeped-<- kicked your arse". I'd probably have an F word or two in there, said with a NY accent. Ymmv.


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[MaryT]

I think that there is a male instinct that says "a challenge must be accepted".  Mature males tend to control this instinct by thinking about the people who need them.  I agree with everyone who says that avoiding conflict is the best policy.  It may not always be possible even if you don't use a comeback, as bullies tend to be looking for trouble.  There is no point in making violence more likely, though.

For what it is worth, in such circumstances I sometimes tried to adopt the "John Wayne" look, i.e. "I'm not looking for trouble but I don't mind if I find it".  Whether it helped or not I don't know but I haven't been beaten up since leaving high school.  Unlike John Wayne, though, I'm only 5' 4''.  Once, when a drunk became very aggressive towards me, I shook his hand and asked him how he was.  That confused him long enough for me to quickly walk away.

[KarlMars]

Depends on what was said. It could range from "you'd have to stand on your mother's shoulders just to kiss my arse" to "wouldn't it be funny if a ->-bleeped-<- kicked your arse". I'd probably have an F word or two in there, said with a NY accent. Ymmv.


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Not my style.

[Doreen]

If someone said something to me, I think I would go for minimal engagement.  "Hon, I'm just here to pee," or something to that effect.  I would avoid saying anything provocative like "Mind your own ... <snip> ... business," or attempting to educate them, however tempting, because the objective is to avoid escalation. 

I want them to shut up and leave me alone, but telling them that may not be the best way to achieve it.  If just leaving will accomplish it, that's what I am likely to do.

I'd never .. ever .. had someone challenge me, scoff, snort, or whatever in the bathroom.  I sometimes strike up conversations (often if I'm with other girls I know). 

If someone acted like an ass I'd probably just raise one eyebrow (spock style).. then proceed to smile at them.  If they're psychotic bitches and do something crazy I'd obviously and quickly defend myself.  Ultimately NOT being aggressive is usually the answer.  Assertive, not aggressive, is usually what works.

[Gertrude]

Not my style.

Doesn't have to be. 99.99% of the time, I mind my own business. Very few people have said anything about me one way or the other, but I'm 6'5 and most people leave me alone and I tend to leave them alone. That said, my 4th year Spanish teacher said I had a 5'2 Sicilian inside of me. Not sure what he meant, as I'm half Neapolitan.


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[JoanneB]

The best skill for self defense is always running away.

Avoid any potentially-dangerous person or place.

barbie~~

Never engage unless you know you can win. Verbally, there generally is no winning, especially against a group, AKA gang

[big kim]

Some chav told me to get my tits out. I said "Get yours out you fat bastard they're bigger than mine". He went bright red as everyone fell about laughing

[Donna]

I've told people that I don't need or care if the accept me. I'm happy and that's all that's important
I've said your opinion is none of my business
Last weekend I had a major job downtown and we where having lunch at a local coffee shop. My trans daughter was in the ladies room and two street people came in to use the room. When my daughter came out this young girl got really mouthy with my daughter. Well this got momma bear worked up. When she came out of the room she started again with my daughter and staff there trying to get them out of the shop. I got up and confronted both of them and it was interesting that as soon as a woman got up to do something about it all the men in the shop jumped in and we got these people out.
This is out of character for me but I couldn't believe the protection instinct that kicked in.

[Deborah]

Nobody has confronted me directly.  The last time that happened over anything was in a bar about 40 years ago.  With that guy I just smiled at him and then walked away.  That ended it. 

More recently I have tried to educate people when I hear them talking badly.  For the most part that turned out to be a total waste of time and effort.  So mostly I just ignore them now.


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[TicTac]

Conflict is pointless and no one really gets anything out of it except wasted time and a headache. Personally, I would just put some headphones on and then proceed to ignore them. The end problem solved.