Please help: How do I do this?

[Utterly Confused]

Hey all,

Sooo I want to come out to my parents and family but I have a few issues and have NO IDEA how to do it.  my issues are
1: I am FTM and go to an all girls school (there are other trans students there but the are excluded due to the nature of the school
2: I am in the military cadets (as a female officer) and I am referred to as ma'am... I am petrified to come out to them so I may not for this year
3: My parent's seem chill with trans people but they have a tendency to be dismissive and also my sole grandparent is so ultra old school Italian that I would probably giver her a heart attack if I told her
4: I don't present as trans.. I don't want them to say "its a phase" because I wear dresses to convince myself and I am over doing that
5: I am a sook, I couldn't talk to them without crying (maybe writing a script would be good)

ok, so with those issues in mind, any advice on how to come out...
(I have an idea currently but no idea if it is worth it - also it is forever away)

I am leaving for a week in October where I will not have cell service... I was thinking of writing them a note and leaving it for them before I depart so that they will find it when I am gone and read it and process it... I just want to come out earlier and begin my process..

Sorry for the long post
Love
Dex

[Kendra]

Hello Dex,

Congratulations on getting to this point.  I know it's difficult to face all the potential problems but I think you'll be amazed how much of a relief coming out actually is, even if the outcome is less than ideal. 

Sounds like you have carefully considered various options and your current situation.  Others will have additional advice or experience, but my recommendation is do this at a time when your parents have the opportunity to directly communicate their response without delay.  They may want to ask questions that are difficult to predict - not as a bad thing, but because they care.  Once you have made up your mind to do the right thing, why wait?

Your school situation is a challenge, but you have an entire lifetime ahead of you to experience your world to the fullest and best extent possible.  In the long term you own and drive your future.  Being open about who you are can enable opportunities to creatively adapt and find ways to make this work. 

Best wishes.  I think you will do great.

Kendra

[Gertrude]

I think you should talk to a gender therapist if you can. I would echo Kendra's comments. Honesty is a good thing, but something like this should be done face to face. 


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[Utterly Confused]

I think you should talk to a gender therapist if you can. I would echo Kendra's comments. Honesty is a good thing, but something like this should be done face to face. 


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I would love to see a therapist but there is no one in my city.  The therapist has to come in from another city and it is extremely expensive.  I can't explain that payment to my parents without coming out.  I will definitely go see one after coming out