Heyo everyone! Just an update for you guys.
A lot of things have changed in general. Most of which has nothing to do with my HRT but effects the way I perceive things in terms of transitioning and all that, stress levels and lack of sleep and all. So I'll do my best to add relevant HRT information since this thread is an HRT/medical transition journal first and foremost.
So I'm very closely approaching the end of the school year. I'm in the final push. And have been for a little while--I've been steadily building into really getting a lot of things done. And although I need sleep and to slow down every once in a while, I do have endless drive at the moment. My body and mind just can't keep up, and so the added stress is complicating how I feel about the things going on with my body. Stress tends to do that to me overall; I get stressed, I try to suppress any trans aspect of my identity. It's weird, but I've come to expect that from myself.
So I've been pushing to complete all this work while trying to keep up on my medication...and then things just get worse. My grandmother ends up in the hospital for two weeks and then passes away. I've had to spend lots of time going back and forth from my school to my hometown and the hospital there. It's made it difficult to keep up with the HRT medication. I'm trying, but there were times that I was skipping doses because I just couldn't make it or do it. Too much going on or I was surrounded by transphobic relatives. But yeah...I looked up to my grandma my entire life. I felt like I related to her more closely than anyone else in my life. Even in terms of a trans identity, although no one else in the family really knew about that in detail like I did. I told a few people what she told me, but it was in confidence with specific people. No one particularly close to her and no one that would judge her. I work very hard to make sure things don't blow up in my face, you see. But...yeah, I felt a connection to her. We both felt like individuals on the fringe, and it seems like a fair portion of the development of those feelings for us, in our own ways, we're rooted in the same feelings of a trans identity, suppressed or otherwise. And now she's gone. I've made my peace in some ways, but I'm not letting myself process other aspects of it. Not until I feel safe. Not until I'm at least beyond this semester.
So yeah, that's just where my life is. Buuuut the HRT is still doing it's job! Some of my friends say they've noticed a big difference in my hair, so that's interesting! I haven't seen it, but I like the thought. They say it's gotten increeedibly thick and very nice. It was already wavey and thick, but they suggest it's gotten MUCH more so recently. I don't know, maybe I'm just taking better care of it, though.
And boobs! Yes, they're coming along!
Slowly, but surely. It's to the point that there's firm, obvious (to me) development that is starting to expand more and more. The development on the right is still further along than the left and part of me is pretty certain that's just how it's going to be and that they're probably going to be uneven for the rest of my life. Which kind of sucks, but I dunno. It doesn't bother me as much as not having anything. lol But it's to the point in terms of development that both sides are nearing overall stretching and noticeable growth, I think. Give it a month or two and I don't think I'll be able to hide it anymore and I'll have to buy my first bra maybe! Maybe my time estimates are off...but it's so exciting!!!!
So yeah. That's where things are for me. Update complete.
