Sorry to hear that you had so much struggle in the early stages after surgery. Swelling can take many months to go down. I remember speaking with the nurses for the first few months about swelling. I am now over a year post op (Dr. Brassard). I think that each of us vary in how our bodies deal with swelling. As for dilations, it is important to keep trying to use #4. Even a little bit is better than not. Avoidance will just prolong recovery and development. I did not have any trouble for the first year. Now that we are at once a week, as per schedule, #4 is difficult. I am actually do dilations twice a week because it is difficult. It is Ok if I take the process very slowly and try to relax as much as possible. Lots of lube, more than you would think, and patience.
Hope that the next part of your recovery goes OK. Hugs, Kelly