First time you had a trans feeling?

[Randi]

At Halloween, when I was 7 and in the second grade.  My mother and adult older sister dressed me in a witch costume that my older nieces had worn.

It had a full face mask, black wig, pointy hat and floor length black dress with a full petticoat.   I won second prize for costume in the elementary school.  The principal asked: "What's your name little girl?  We can't guess who you are?"

I asked for, and was denied, real girl panties.   I'd still like to wear a floor length dress with a petticoat.

 

[Rachel_Christina]

Dang Marcie, that is young.

Thats part of why it is fun looking back. I thought it was fun being a girl in games for a long time but never realized it was core to my identity until now.

Rachel don't even worry girl, me too. I feel silly for taking so long sometimes, but the idea you want to alter things and the way people view you to become happier is a hard thing to come to grips with. We got plenty of time to live our lives ;*

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Thanks girl. Oh I don't dwell on it too much nowadays. Back then my dad would have broke my back for it. And so I did what I did to survive :'3

[Allison S]

I remember playing pokemon all the time at 10 too.. we must be around the same age.
I didn't want to play May or any female character because they reminded me that I "can't be female". Which I was so wrong about...
I loved Misty and wanted so badly to wear a flowy bathing suit and be a water gym leader...

Also Final fantasy 10.. wow I loved that game. The story between Titus and Yuna was so sweet. I always wanted to be her and the female characters in ff8 so badly.. they're so beautiful [emoji22] it makes me sad remembering them...
I loved Lulu's confidence so much and how she carries herself. Really amazing

I always dreamed I would look like Rinoa [emoji4] but with more if Lulu's edge

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[Northern Star Girl]

First time that I had a trans feeling was when I was a High School Freshman... and perhaps earlier.   In my high school years and 6+  years of college I was skinny, no muscles, no bulk, and not tall just 5'4" with soft facial feature and a girly appearance... and a voice to match.   I was always kidded and bullied by all my classmates that had the appearance of "real" men.
Obviously all of that worked in my favor when in my very early 30's I decided to transition... then I started HRT in March 2015 a month after my 35th birthday.   I transitioned to Full-time ONE year and 9 months later in December 2016.

[Lady Love]

I remember playing pokemon all the time at 10 too.. we must be around the same age.
I didn't want to play May or any female character because they reminded me that I "can't be female". Which I was so wrong about...
I loved Misty and wanted so badly to wear a flowy bathing suit and be a water gym leader...

Also Final fantasy 10.. wow I loved that game. The story between Titus and Yuna was so sweet. I always wanted to be her and the female characters in ff8 so badly.. they're so beautiful [emoji22] it makes me sad remembering them...
I loved Lulu's confidence so much and how she carries herself. Really amazing

I always dreamed I would look like Rinoa [emoji4] but with more if Lulu's edge

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She is pretty badass [emoji14] i did that more with video games in general. Lately I have been playing rune factory as a lady and thats pretty fun

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[sarah1972]

I guess it started around 7 where I went through a really long pause of stealing my mom's bra's and pantyhose just for the feeling. I would hide them under my bed and occasionally get in trouble since my mom ran out of bras to wear.

Middle school theater group gave me some possibility to be a bit more public about it. Rocky Horror Picture Show. I was only the lighting guy then, but there was one scene where everyone would stand on stage in a garter belt or corsage and stockings. Of course I volunteered! OMG - that felt soooo good!.

I guess this would count as the first time. I just had no name for it.

And the rest is history...

[noleen111]

I know I have answered already, my mother told me a funny story and I immediately thought of this thread, I mentioned mentioned that at the age of 19, I wore a dress for the first time..

well that kinda not true, its just the first time I can remember. I have a girl cousin about 1 year older than me.. and when I was about 3 or 4 years old, my mother use to make dresses for her and since we were the same size at that stage, I was used as muse to see how the dresses fitted.. apparently I loved it and asked my mother don't I look pretty and why boys cant wear dresses. Of course it upset my father as how could my mother dress his son in a dress, he actually said, you gonna make him into a girl.. oops maybe she did, but I don't mind, I love being a girl. (Thanks Mom)

[RachelH]

I was 4 or 5 years old and lived in Oklahoma.  I was the youngest of 4, 2 brothers and a sister.  It was Halloween and we were getting costumes and I wanted to be a princess.   I knew at that moment I was a girl.  Because it was the late 60s my parents knew that I was not a girl but I was persistent and they let me be a princess for a night!  I still remember my blue gown and tiara from that year very vividly!!  I don't recall exactly why but the next day the real me was suppressed and my secret was hidden away for the next 45 years.  Still now only my wife, her sister and husband and therapist know.  But every Halloween I go back in time and remember how happy I was that night and not just because I got free candy!  That was the only day in my life the world knew me as the girl I am!
Paula

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[MadisonDavina]

I have a lot of really early memories, probably as early as at least 5, however I don't really count them since I can't confirm that they actually happened(and am so far thankful no one else seems to remember them). However, my first like "real" trans moment, was when I was 11-12, I had started playing a game called Star Wars Galaxies.

I ended up making a female character, and "hid" her under storm trooper armor for the first month or so, I didn't want my family knowing that I played a female character. That time of my life is filled with funny memories of trying to convince my friends in the game that I was actually a guy IRL, and despite using voice chat a few times, no one would believe me.

Around that time I had also started to crossdress IRL whenever I had the chance, used makeup a few times. I have a pretty vivid memory of my mom finding what I think were panties behind my dresser, maybe it was a skirt.. anyways, she confronted me about it while my brothers were nearby, I denied it, she dropped it(yep, there were clearly "no signs" ).

[Alyssa Bree]

When I was 6-8, I was at a friend's birthday party at his house and walked down the hallway. His older  (10-12?) sister was changing her clothes in her room with the door open. When I realized she was naked, I got out of there before she saw me...but the feeling I had was not "ooh la la" like other boys might have had. It was, after the embarrassment passed, pure envy. I wanted that kind of penis-less body. I remember actually getting upset about it but I wouldn't tell anybody why.

The first time I remember actually "feeling" trans (though I had no real concept of what trans was or that it existed) was in middle school gym. I really wanted to change in the girls' locker room and play the "girl sports" with the girls. I remember feeling like it was an injustice and shortly afterwards I started to do the whole " I want to wake up a girl" wish sessions and appropriating my mother's clothes.


xoxoxo
Alyssa

[FinallyMichelle]

I don't remember, maybe it was always there. Of course I didn't know what it was just that I was weird. My first year at summer camp, seven years old, I wore a dress and stayed with the girls for a long time. I did not get in trouble there for that but they called my grandparents when they couldn't find me with the boys. They were not happy at all and took me home the next morning. That was not the first, just the first that I remember vividly.

I don't think there was a 'first' for me, more of a need that was ever present and grew stronger over time.

[Karen]

As young as I can remember playing with Barbies in the living room, and then wearing my moms shoes and silk slip.   

Karen

[Jen61]

4 or 5 (in the 70's) wearing my aunt's nylons under the table at my grandparents house. Around the same time sneaking my sisters tights out of her dresser in the middle of the night. When I was 6 or 7 my brother caught me in her princess dress and dragged me out in front of everyone. I wish I had the courage back then to say I wanted to be a girl. It probably wouldn't have mattered though because it was the 70's and we were poor.

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[grrl1nside]

Feeling trans? That isn't easy to answer. I feel trans more now than I did when I was young. When I was young my gender was just a matter of fact until enough correction/coercion taught me otherwise.

The best example I can think of is from when I was in kindergarten. My class went to the pool and I simply went in the girls line to get changed because that is what I simply was. Only when the teacher pulled me aside and redirected me to the other line did I feel confused. It simply made no sense to me. I went into the boys changeroom and walked directly to the toilet stalls and locked myself in and changed alone. I didn't feel trans, I simply was another girl. It was pretty clear to me. It only became a mess once others decided that I needed to learn to be something else.

[V M]

Not really sure how old I was, it was in early childhood though and although I didn't actually understand it at the time this feeling of lonely secrecy suddenly weighed heavy upon me

I carried on as best as possible but still felt like a misfit, an outcast, a castaway milling about upon my own self inflicted desert island in the middle of society

I've never really felt like I fit in anywhere

[Lady Love]

Feeling trans? That isn't easy to answer. I feel trans more now than I did when I was young. When I was young my gender was just a matter of fact until enough correction/coercion taught me otherwise.

The best example I can think of is from when I was in kindergarten. My class went to the pool and I simply went in the girls line to get changed because that is what I simply was. Only when the teacher pulled me aside and redirected me to the other line did I feel confused. It simply made no sense to me. I went into the boys changeroom and walked directly to the toilet stalls and locked myself in and changed alone. I didn't feel trans, I simply was another girl. It was pretty clear to me. It only became a mess once others decided that I needed to learn to be something else.

I relate to this a lot. I feel like I was a boy as a child. I definitely had urges to be a woman, but I never really felt wrong being a boy, just being a man. More importantly, I think as a boy I hated the masculine expectations and starting puberty was ->-bleeped-<-.

I remember mostly being uncomfortable in middle school when everyone was talking about sex and relationships and I didn't have any interest in that. I realized recently the first time I was interested in someone romantically it was due to extreme pressure from my classmates about it. I was pretty open as a kid and told people "I don't like girls yet" and once everybody was all about sex you can imagine how that went.

Thanks to everyone for sharing! Such a large variety of memories

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[Tatiana 79]

Hey everyone. First trans feeling good topic
I was born in 1961 a few years latter' around 3 or 4 noticed something was not right boys clothes felt icky on
Me and I always wanted to wear  my sisters clothes. Then entered the totally  binary world in first grade going to a catholic school were there was the boys uniform and the girls uniform. I hated my uniform and wanted to be in the girls uniform. I actually had kind of fantasies of going into the girls bathroom and some kind of angle turn me into a girl with all the girl parts and girls uniform. This never happened and I felt like the only one in the world and the freak that my parent's instead I was. Until recently.
I would have to say looking back now it would have to be around 3 to 4 years old .

[Izzy Z.]

The morning I realized I was trans I had just woken from a dream where I was female. Sounds dumb I know. After that moment, in retrospect, I did realize that I'd had trans feelings since I was a child. I'd always admired and wanted to be like the girls my age, but felt sort of socially obligated to reject all things feminine, despite the fact that I had a very liberal upbringing, with parents who would have absolutely accepted me as female no matter how young I was. I've always felt a bit insecure that I didn't realize this until I was a bit older, even though I was only 14 or 15 years old. Lots of sources kind of suggest that most people realize it as children, but I really don't think that's necessarily true.

[Lady Love]

The morning I realized I was trans I had just woken from a dream where I was female. Sounds dumb I know. After that moment, in retrospect, I did realize that I'd had trans feelings since I was a child. I'd always admired and wanted to be like the girls my age, but felt sort of socially obligated to reject all things feminine, despite the fact that I had a very liberal upbringing, with parents who would have absolutely accepted me as female no matter how young I was. I've always felt a bit insecure that I didn't realize this until I was a bit older, even though I was only 14 or 15 years old. Lots of sources kind of suggest that most people realize it as children, but I really don't think that's necessarily true.

Yeah, I think that memories like these we are discussing are extrapolated to "they have always known," when really it has been a life long process of discovery with hints sprinkled throughout.

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[AnneK]

When I was a kid, I liked to browse through the lingerie section of department store catalogues, not to look at half naked women, but to think about wearing those items.  I then started "borrowing" my sister's tights and later graduated to stockings and garter belt.  This was before pantyhose became popular.  Back then, I had never heard of "trans", let alone known what it meant.  I just thought there was something wrong with me for wanting to wear girls things.