Hey everyone
I am merely referring to me stumbling across this drug for the very first time. I'm sure this is old news to most of you but because of this drugs Discovery to me provided intriguement enough to spend more time on it at a certain point the oh my God Flash from above light bulbs going off moment hit me and I'll never be the same. I am not positive if my mother was exposed to it but she was nearing her fifties and would have been considered high risk so it is highly probable that she was. This provided the neat explanation or any explanation that fit my situation perfectly from that point on I realized I could have this big masculine body that I hate and a female brain. Before this point I have had crippling depression insomnia anxiety etc. That left me completely dysfunctional in unable to work at all who can work when you miss 5 days of sleep in a row in a very demanding job I sure didn't want it but I realized I could no longer function as a working individual in society. So there I was just sitting around waiting maybe hoping to die. But after the lightning bolt hit I understood this situation much better that resulted in me starting to feel and sleep much better as my wife would agree I now have had hope which was absent. I've learned that any weapon I can use such as hair and dressing to match my identity helps very much something that my therapist suggested buy dressing as such every night has really paid dividends and resulted in me coming out to my family and me being here right now.
My older sister's a psychologist downstate and is always been telling me that understanding the problem will result in your body fixing the problem and I can believe her now to a point because this is all I have done and it works so I know I'm barking up the right tree but want more now not to look pretty just to lower my dysphoria so I can be more functional for starts and enjoy all the things that left me like hunger Hobbies and the other things I mentioned above. This resulted in my attitude of I don't care if I don't pass I don't care what people think of me I don't care what they're saying it matters not, again all I want to be is a little more functional and I believe it will happen. The wise mr. Spock once said that the wanting is stronger than the having I'm not going to waste anymore time wanting to pass I really don't care I'm certainly not going to let other people's Hang Ups stop me from feeling more functional.
I feel no different then someone born with some type of birth abnormality like a club foot I'm sure someday science will come to conclusive proof Beyond any reasonable doubt but that day is not today and it really doesn't matter to me because my life's already changed and there's no stopping it now. Sorry for all the heavy venting it's just something I had to get off my chest.
Unconditional love to everyone here Tatiana
