I'm wondering this:
I've heard many people say things like they dislike it when someone they know (like a friend) has introduced them to another person as [something]. As a (trans) woman or (trans) man or as non-binary etc.
What do you think is outing and what is not? What is just being considerate?
I think people can be outed in two different ways:
1) pre-everything/early on in transition people who are not generally out as transgender and still possibly presenting as their assigned sex. It's their own job to inform people when they feel comfortable imo.
2) post-transition people who pass as their preferred gender. It's their job to reveal others they're transgender IF they feel like it. It's hideous to out someone as transgender like that (like in Survivor the Zeke case)
But what about people who are out as transgender, try to pass as much as possible etc. People, who'd like to be seen as their preferred gender but not always are. How would you introduce a person like that to others? (Ofc the simple answer is 'just ask them' but I mean in general, what do you think?) As I'm pre-everything I'd personally feel hugely relieved if someone introduced me as a guy, or stating others I'm a man then. (Btw by introducing I generally mean before you meet someone etc.) I don't think there's a need for someone to tell others what I am, but if the other option is they'll see/treat me as a woman then and I need to do some awkward explaining, I'd much rather prefer people informing others already beforehand. In my case that'd mean stating I'm a guy or a trans guy or whatever. It just is a huge deal for me if they at least know I'm a guy, even if they weren't able to see that.
Similarly I'd introduce a friend automatically as the gender they present/identify as, like this: 'he's a guy by the way' 'she's a woman' 'they are a non-binary man' etc. I wouldn't view that as outing someone as trans. I'd do that just to be considerate towards them!!! If people aren't clearly able to see what gender said person is, isn't it better to make it clear from the start? To avoid awkward/unpleasant misgendering etc.??
I mean all this in general, as in following examples:
- bringing a friend over and telling your parents she's a girl etc.
- talking about some friend with other friends and referring to them as an 'nb guy' for example that reflects who they are/identify as
And what about when you mention a friend to your other friends? Would you refer to them as nb for example, if that's what they identify as? To me that seems natural - if that's what they are and want to be seen as, how is it outing if you refer to them in a 'right' way?
And yet another scenario:
What about when you are mentioning a friend who happens to be trans to other trans friends? Well I don't usually make a point of someone's gender or their transness, but somehow especially between other trans people it seems sort of natural to admit that friend in question is trans too. Or given the subject it's just damn obvious. Like when talking about Susan's with my spouse it's obvious the friends I've made here are other trans people! So I don't deliberately 'out' anyone but it's obvious you guys here are trans too, for example.
So.... long rant. What do you think of all this? Do you think the above scenarios count as outing someone against their will? How would you approach situations like that? To me personally, it'd be relieving if people know and don't treat me as a woman then.
And I generally talk about 'men' and 'women' and 'non-binary' people, not referring to said friend's trans status in any way. To me trans women are girls/women so I just mention them by name or like this: 'this girl I know... blah blah blah' or 'this guy friend of mine' etc. But when it comes to pre-HRT people or people not passing well (like myself), isn't it just considerate to tell other people (like family/friends) so they'll know how to treat this person with respect? No need to make a point of their transness of course... like 'she's a trans girl btw' or 'they are an nb guy though they look female' or anything...! But just mentioning they are a man/woman for example to make it clear? What do you guys think of all this?
And when it comes to non-binary people, what about that then? Is that different? To me it's not - if someone identifies as non-binary (or certain label like agender, demiboy etc.) it's just natural for me to introduce/talk of them as such, no matter what they look like. No need to mention their biological sex or anything, but I only see that as considerate mentioning how they are to be treated and which pronouns to use etc.
