A new beginning

[pamelatransuk]

Feeling so happy at the moment I may burst, Feel like I'm coming alive.

Sophie x

Congratulations Sophie on such fantastic and useful support from your best female friend (along with your wife also).

I am sure your lash lift n tint and brow shaping will give you more confidence and continue to fill you full of happiness.

It is wonderful to read your comment about bursting with happiness  and coming alive!

Wishing you more of it.

Hugs

Pamela

[maybesoph]

Thankyou Pamela,

I know I've so far to go, but just the feeling of breaking free of years of repression is an amazing feeling, my best is already insisting on calling me Sophie unless in crowded public, so it's kinda cool.

Hope your having a great week too

Sophie

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[maybesoph]

Just a very small affirmation for myself on wondering as you do am I trans.
Well just looked in the mirror to shave and noticed small patches with no hair in my moustache area, which means laser is working after just 3 sessions.
And I can't stop smiling at this, it's just another pointer that this reaction is confirming I'm doing the right thing

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[maybesoph]

So hit my first major hurdle, and it came out the blue and knocked me sideways.
My wife who I adore has been struggling to cope with it all, with a lot of tears and I just want my husband back.
Now she's my world and I considered doing just this for her, as it's smashing me to pieces emotionally seeing her suffer.
We used to have an amazing bedroom life but obviously that's died a death the last few years as GD has just got worse and it's caused issues. She's always loved this aspect of life and I did wonder how we would cope, anyway I get a call last week with her admitting she's been chatting to a guy online and had thought about meeting him.
This blew my mind and I've no idea what or how to react. I've tried just understanding from her side but c'mon I'm not even on hrt yet (few weeks away).
Kinda leaves me with a fear it ain't going well even though she was adamant she'd try and adjust and see how it goes.
She told me a while ago to stop going on and informing her of it all as in her mind if she ignores it it's not happening, and she said find a friend which I've done. Told a very close female friend, who has been amazingly supportive, compassionate and besides asking a lot of great enquiring questions loves just to chat.
However my wife now brings her up in snide remarks of well go with .... you'll have more fun with her anyways as your best mates.
Just feel like I can't win or do any right atm, and I know there's so much more ups and downs to come but this soon without really trying?
I'm trying to please everyone else at my expense and feel so selfish for being me.

Sorry rant over x

Sophie.

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[BrianaJ]

Ouch Sophie!  That has to be very difficult to hear and process.  I have lots of thoughts on it but I think besides the both of you talking, I think it would be a good idea for both of you to go counseling together.  It IS a lot for her to process and deal with for sure.  Everything is focused on us...about us, but what about them, right?  But before she goes in the direction of seeking someone else, to me the right thing to do would be to talk it out, seek counseling, and work it out one way or another before having an affair.  If she can't handle it, or doesn't want that for her life, then she has a choice(s) to make.  Just my thoughts, but until then, introducing that um..."variable" makes things even more complicated - more difficult. 

[maybesoph]

Hi Briana,

She won't talk to a soul, I've asked about couples councelling, her alone, even mailing a therapist with all the background to save her trying to explain but she will not talk to anyone.
Perhaps my hopes were too high when she said about support and seeing how it goes, perhaps reality has hit her & she can't handle this at all.

Trying my best to keep everything upbeat when chatting but starting to feel like in walking on very cracked egg shells.

Hate moaning so I'm reaching for the wine that'll cheer me up.

Sophie

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[maybesoph]

Well back from holiday.

Arrived home to some amazing news, received all the consent forms which I've signed and returned already to start my hrt.
First time ever that I've openly wept with joy, I'm still smiling now.
I can't tell you how to say thankyou to those that recommended genderGP, the NHS who I rang yesterday informed me it's now a 6 month wait for an introduction letter and 22 to 24 months for my first appointment.
By then I'll have been on hrt for at least 18 months, nothing like getting a head start.

Been making more changes bit by bit, and some people are starting to notice, well got a brow and lash lift done whilst away so can't hide it at all now.
My best friend nudged me to get them done & I'm hooked I'll definitely be getting them done regularly now.
Pic below in boy mode so try not to be too scared, just wanna show off the lashes.

Let the journey commence x

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[pamelatransuk]

Congratulations Sophie on HRT authorization and on brow and lash lift.

I don't think you will regret joining GenderGP - they are so helpful and understanding.

Hopefully you will apply the first patch and take the first tablet next week.

I am sure you will enjoy the HRT ride!

Hugs

Pamela

[maybesoph]

Ok at last a prescription, I literally can not wait for it to arrive.
Happy beyond words right now
I've been prescribed patches and finesteride. I'd be happy consuming mongoose toes if it helped.
Having a very rocky time with my wife who now I think realises it's actually happening and seems very very distant to it all.
I have no idea how to approach this, she won't discuss it yet I got moaned at yesterday for not telling her before that it was hrt prescription I had been granted. When I asked her what she thought it was going to be she just got stressed and said well not that yet.
I can't win

However I've got family and a couple of close friends who are happy for me so I'm looking onwards and upwards, it's really here and happening!!

Ps. Anyone know if I can still have alcohol, keep seeing mixed vibes??

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[pamelatransuk]

Sophie

Should be no problem - in moderation of course.

Personally I never drink more than 2 glasses of wine per day.

Hugs

Pamela

On the UK Meet Up thread, we discussed accents - is there a particular accent for Kent? Mine is just simple northern.

[jill610]

Congratulations!

I had a similar experience with my wife. We were not able to make it through the transition, unfortunately.

You can drink, of course. Personally, my tolerance for alcohol is much less than it was pre-hrt. I get drunk more easily (one beer / one drink) and I am more likely to get a headache from alcohol, which makes me want to drink less.

I find I am also more sensitive to caffeine, though I do not drink coffee or soda.

Just to caveat though, for the year prior to starting hrt, I was on a massive weight loss journey to the tune of more than half my body weight, so it's sometimes hard for me to tell what is due to hormones and what is due to having so much less mass.

[KathyLauren]

Congrats on getting your HRT prescription!

Alcohol in moderation should not be a problem, but the person to talk to about that would be your prescribing doctor.  Your blocker is different from mine, so what my doctor tole me ("no problem") might be different from yours.

My limit is one glass of wine per day, so it is not an issue for me.

[maybesoph]

On the UK Meet Up thread, we discussed accents - is there a particular accent for Kent? Mine is just simple northern.

Thanks Pamela,

I have a "mockney" accent, fake cockney.
The island where I live has a very large population that has resettled from east London, so they gifted us the same accent .


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[maybesoph]

Thanks for the replies girls,

Hoping my marriage survives, really do. However my health has suffered for years looking after others I need to start a bit of self care.
I too am on a big big weight loss journey, think it's because of before as in boy mode I hated myself now I want to look my best.

Just got back from laser on top lip, first time having it on higher setting and wow it hurt a lot this time, but now seeing results so it's soooo worth it.

Have a great weekend x

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[Eryn T]

That's awesome, you're getting to start HRT, Soph!

I can totally relate on needing self care.  I practically was letting my body whither away before, cause what good is it? Oops! Now, we girls gotta look good xD

[maybesoph]

Exactly that!!

For the first time ever I'm starting to care how I look all the time.

I'm just bouncing around waiting on the post as the prescription turns up today, so this evening will be my first patch x

Better than Christmas  x

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[pamelatransuk]

Yes Sophie you will remember the first day of HRT forever. It is a wonderful feeling as you apply the first patch and take the first tablet.

Welcome to the HRT journey and you'll enjoy the rollercoaster ride!

Hugs

Pamela

[maybesoph]

Quick update,
I'm a whole 11 days into hrt and for 2 days solid I've had sore breasts that are seriously standing to attention and slightly enlarged.
I'm only on E patches and finasteride, so thought I'd have to wait a fair bit longer for anything to develop.
Hey I'm not complaining it's painfully amazing, just very unexpected this soon.
Thought it was in my head at first but no they are permanently sore atm.
UK meet soon and starting to wonder whether boy mode or girl mode.
Excited to go and hopefully get some advice from others but not sure if I'm confident enough yet to go all out.



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[davina61]

You do know you can change at the venue, see you in a few weeks time XXX

[maybesoph]

So been away battling demons stress money & life in general.
Took time out to try and sort myself out properly no social media at all, yeah didn't work lol.
My business was struggling but through some hard graft I've a new customer so the future looks prosperous for the first time in a year or more, means being away from home for the next 2 or 3 weeks getting it all going but small sacrifices for long term happiness.

My wife is still struggling and totally in denial this is happening, she's also become distant this is to save herself apparently.
Tried go7ng for a drink to talk it through but she doesn't speak really apart from blurting at one point you know I'm no lesbian.
We've been together for 25 years, but I've a pain in my heart that says were in trouble & it's all my fault.
She won't let me tell the children until we have too, which I understand.

On the HRT front, it's 4 weeks today & I've noticed a few very small changes.
My skins definitely softer feeling, and my breasts are starting to bud well as my brother pointed out when I walked in his office with the discreet phrase of "You know you've got tits right??"
Kinda astute on his part :-)

Emotionally 8ve struggled with depression lately but my fairy godmother decided I needed to breakdown and cry whilst on a motorway. None of this give her a chance to pull over, Hope full on wailing and waterfalls instantly.
Had to pull over and cry like I've never ever cried for at least 10 minutes, an hour after though I felt fine, went to bed fine & woke up the next morning to the radio and got up and had a dance. Been fine since.
Is it just my mind adjusting to the HRT??

Still I'm back and despite home issues I'm personally in an alright place for now, that'll do me for now xx

Hope your all well and looking forwards to the weekend.

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