Fitting rooms generally off-limits?

[randim]

Had an interesting experience today.  I went out to a mall in my usual limbo-low-femme attire and a little makup.  I didn't jump out but not too hard to read as a non-straight issue guy either.  I was doing some shopping in the women's section and a sales clerk was very smiley and offering to help me, and I thought she offered to show me some women's shirts similar to the one I was wearing.  I just thought she read me and was cool with it.  I had found some Bermuda shorts that I was interested in but, of course, was not sure of the fit.  So I asked her if I could use a fitting room.  As the cliche goes, the smile ran away from her face, and the exchange grew awkward.  "Are these for you?" "Yes." She was not at all comfortable, but after a moment the great Goddess Commerce swung her sales hammer and she directed me to an empty set of rooms.  Needless to say, I did not dawdle, and thankfully the shorts fit and looked good.  But even ringing the sale up she was not happy.  Was I being out of line?  I would not want to put a sales clerk in a position of making a decision that could have negative repercussions for her at work.  Is there a protocol?  I have in the past taken items to a fitting room in the men's section.  Is that the way to roll unless you're extremely passable or committed to transitioning?

[JudiBlueEyes]

I think you were fine.  You were honest with her.  Her job is not to judge but to assist customers wanting to make a purchase. 

Judi

[StacyRenee]

Heck no! You are a paying customer. If they want your business, they shouldn't give you any attitude. Changing rooms are intended for privacy, doesn't matter what your gender identity is. I know that generally speaking we tend to be very passive and don't want to make waves, but for Pete's sake, they're just clothes! Sorry, but I've gotten to the point that I just don't care what anyone's opinion is. I'm a paying customer just like everyone else.

[KathyLauren]

The sales clerk was unprofessional.  You are a paying customer with no intention of shoplifting, so her job was to help you select the items you wanted.  Part of that is trying them on.

When I was presenting male, I'd choose items off the racks and take them to the men's fitting rooms.  The general rule is the same as for bathrooms: use the one that matches your presentation that day.

One exception for me was bra shopping one time.  Unsurprisingly, there was no men's fitting room in the lingerie section of this particular store, so I used the only fitting rooms available.  My wife helped me, and we managed to fend off the sales clerks, which minimized the chance of being hassled.  I only got one dirty look from a customer.  The fitting rooms were in a corridor by themselves, and each cubicle had a full door, so there were no privacy concerns.

In another store, where there were men's and women's fitting rooms side by side in close proximity to the lingerie section, I'd take my selection of bras to the men's fitting rooms.  Yes, a bit awkward, but none of anyone's business, as long as I have the money to pay for them.  If anyone had given me a hard time, I'd have told them the truth.  It's nothig to be ashamed of.

Things are a lot less stressful now that I present as female all the time.  There are no issues with fitting room selection any more.

Some stores even have ungendered fitting rooms.  The local outlet of a national second-hand clothing chain has a row of 8 undesignated fitting rooms.  You just use the first one that's available.  It's no big deal.

[Bfp2]

I use to have a lot of anxiety....but things have changed a lot over the years.  I think I always imagined things worse than they really were.  I guess it matters where you are....I'm in the DC/Northern VA area....I haven't really ever had a problem.  I would say if I'm not seen as cis I'm at least seen as a transgender woman....which is ok, for the most part where I am located.

[Mendi]

We don´t have separate men´s fitting rooms here...not that I´ve noticed at least.

Though I usually visit only stores that have only women´s clothing, so perhaps that is the reason 

[DawnOday]

I've been buying make-up and women's clothes for forty years. We've come a long way baby. Once I realized I would never see this clerk again it got easier.

[AnneK]

I have often used the women's change room when shopping.  In fact, years ago, when I was into full cross dressing, I used to frequent a woman's clothing shop where 3 older women worked.  They'd send me into the change room and bring me things to try.  They couldn't do enough for me.  The department stores around here don't have male & female change rooms, anybody can use whatever change room is available.  There was only one occasion when I felt the clerk would rather I took my business elsewhere.

[Alyssa Bree]

I have purchased women's clothing at thrift shops before so I could buy a fair amount and try different styles and fits at home. The price is such that I didn't bother with fitting rooms. However, tomorrow I am going shopping at regular retail outlets for the first time and I have been stressing about this a wee bit. It is nice to see so many of you believe it isn't a big deal. It gives me some peace.


xoxoxo
Alyssa

[LaRell]

My wife and I go shopping together quite often.  I'm always a little paranoid that one of the sales clerks is going to take issue with me going into the women's fitting rooms, but it hasn't happened yet.  It did happen last year sometime when I was still just a feme dressed male.  I wasn't trying anything on myself, but my wife wanted me to come with her, and the sales clerk stopped me and said I would have to wait outside of the dressing room.  I wasn't even allowed to go through the doorway back to where all of the very private individual stalls were which I thought was pretty ridiculous!   Now presenting full time as female, I go in female dressing rooms all the time with no issue at all.  In fact, at Target a couple weeks ago there was a really nice lady working that department, and she used proper pronouns for me, and when I would come out to get a different size of something, she called me "Honey" and things and looked me right in the eyes and talked to me like normal.   It was very nice.

  Your experience sounds pretty unprofessional, and that really sucks!  Sucks how quickly peoples reaction to you changes based on what they now perceive you to be.  If I was not presenting as female......and I still very much look male if I leave my wig and makeup off, I would not try to use the womens fitting rooms if I was not presenting as female.  But, if I was presenting as female, no matter how much I didn't pass, I would feel perfectly fine about using the women's fitting rooms. My wife does not take crap from anyone, and she would absolutely come unglued if she was with me and a sales clerk refused to let me use the womens fitting rooms when I am presenting as female.  That poor sales clerk would probably be out of a job by time my wife was done.  Ha ha  I feel bad for whoever tries to issue any transphobia to me when she is present.  ha ha. 

[Donna]

I have not had a single issue yet. My first bra fitting was in full
male mode. No hesitation from the SA and she even said the store policy is fashion knows no gender. I go there all the time now as well as other store. Most know me a s Donna now and are warm and friendly. As a paying customer I will not tolerate being disrespected and would make it know to management if I was in that position.

[AnneK]

No hesitation from the SA and she even said the store policy is fashion knows no gender.

Same in the store where I buy my bras.  In fact, they won't even hire someone who's not prepared to fit men.

[Donna]

One store I frequent brought in a new SA and she was very standoffish when I went in, wasn't an issue. My favourite lady was not there so I decided to leave instead of being uncomfortable and came back later. When I let her know what transpired she was not impressed and said she would take care of it. Next time I went in the new lady was right there and pleasant as everyone else. She needed an attitude adjustment and it worked.
Funny thing popped up on that visit, I was talking with the SA and we where chatting about our bras. She was wearing the same one as me and we where comparing fit. When she left I heard her talking to another lady in another room and the lady commented about a guy was talking to her the way I did( must be my voice. Lol)
I was in full Donna mode and walked out just as she did, I said hi and she blushed when she realized who it was and then said , I guess you do need a bra. We walked up and paid together and it was all pleasantries.
Funny how people will make blind judgements about others.

[Jin]

As soon as I own up to the fact that I am shopping for myself, I am no longer perceived as a perv and have no problems. The sales person will ask what short of styles I am looking for and often make suggestions on color. I have even cracked the door and asked for a different size to be brought.

I find shopping for clothes very pleasant and rewarding.

[AnneK]

As soon as I own up to the fact that I am shopping for myself, I am no longer perceived as a perv and have no problems.

I agree.  When you're not hiding, the clerks are generally happy to help a guy find nice things for himself.

[Toni]

I was maybe a bit unsure before I fully transitioned, but since then I have a womans body and pass fine facially and I know I am a woman.  It's what I believe and I just act accordingly wherever I am.  No problems with dressing rooms, clerks, or potties any more at all.  Jedi mind control.  Toni