I'm not gay or bi, I'm transgender (with poll)

[amandam]

I'm transgender, I'm not bi or gay. I like women. I also sometimes like men. I look at all kinds of porn but cannot enjoy man-on-man porn. It does nothing for me. Also, if I think of me with a man it's always "me as a woman". With women, I can be either a man or woman. Therefore, there is something else going on here.

Since my brain is at least 50% female, I am at least bi-gendered! That means half my personality is female. The female part of me also has a sexuality, it's not just emotions, or some other thing.

I was never a man attracted to men, I am a trans attracted to men. I'm also a trans attracted to women. The old labels of gay and bi don't apply to us. There I said it. We don't belong with the hets and we don't belong with the gays/bi. We are separate.

Flame on.

[Deborah]

Your sexuality describes me exactly.  That's why I don't like putting a sexuality label on myself.  Nothing really fits. 

I agree we don't fit in so well with the LGB but since we have similar goals and since the dominant culture wants to screw us all then an alliance is mutually beneficial. 


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[Breeze 57]

Put me down too.  You described it perfectly.  I would just add one thing:  I also wish I didn't have this and was a cis-male.  Don't get me wrong, I know who I am and I feel soooo much better since I went on HRT, but life would be much easier as cis.  So far, I just see this as destroying the life I have known for so long

[Donna]

Heterosexual for 50 years then a brief Bi phase but now for 7 years firmly asexual. Really have no draw or feelings towards any gender other than me being female. My wife and I are very comfortable this way as she doesn't want a lesbian relationship with me. She also knows if she needs a male friend she has my blessing. Believe me that was a strange conversation.

[Maybebaby56]

I am gender binary and identity exclusively as female.  I have dated both men and women. That makes me bisexual. Or pansexual. Or something.

~Terri

[BlueJaye]

Before coming out, I was strictly a heterosexual male. However, I always knew that I wasn't really interested in women sexually and just used sex with my wife as a way to mask the truth.

Since coming out to my wife, I have become pretty much asexual. I still like the way some women look, but I don't feel much sexually. My wife is fine with my desire not to have sex, since she never really enjoyed it anyway. She had actually wanted to be a celibate nun as a teenager and told me she is fine if I decide to be celibate with her but remain married. We enjoy each other's companionship and don't see not having sex as a problem.

[Cassandra B]

I had to think about this for a few moments as I agree with a few things the OP says, such as we don't necessarily have much in common with the LGB community, the transgender community spans across the LGB spectrum while still having it's own unique spectrum. But, something about the stance presented strikes me as off, please understand I am not attacking anything posted. Willth that said, I think there is some confusion on terminology in thinking gender and sexuality are related, gender and sexuality have nothing to do with each other. Gender is in reference to being male or female, such as CIS female or CIS male, transgender males and females are across the gender spectrum from CIS males and females, it does not determine sexuality. Sexuality refers to whom you want to sleep with, the only time LGB comes in to play with the transgender community is if a trans person is attracted to the same or opposite gender.

What strikes me off, please understand I believe you are able to identify as you wish, but please understand that arguing that a transgender female, (using self as an example) attracted to females doesn't fall under the lesbian category because I once lived as a male, destroys the stance that trans women are women, trans men are men; even worse, it gives credibility to the opposing argument that we are just men in drag, pretending to be females. I may have lived my life as male but, I have always been female. This may sound like a petty statement, but our opposition will take every miss cue, word, or statement and beat us over the head with it to show we are not what we say we are.

[krobinson103]

I'm a bisexual trans women but I also want to hold onto a bit of the man I lived as for 43 years. I think the best label for me is... me.

[KathyLauren]

I have only ever been attracted to women.  So when I thought I was male, I was a straight male.  Before I ever admitted to myself that I was trans, I knew that, if I could choose my sexual orientation, I would be a lesbian.  (How you can have that thought and not be sure you are trans, I don't know, but that the way it was!  )  Now that I know who I am, I am a transgender lesbian woman.  Or that's the way it feels.  In actuality, I am closer to asexual, and always have been, even pre-transition.

[Anne Blake]

I am a transgender woman and am attracted to my wife, a woman, that makes me a lesbian. Since starting hrt until recently the term asexual was applicable, slowly interest is returning but only for my wife so that probably brings demi-sexual into play (thank you Michelle for introducing me to that term). So I guess I could be called a transgender woman with a lesbian demisexual orientation.....but these are only labels and they don't fit into many people's actual lives.

[Alyssa Bree]

Let's see if I can sort myself out here. Is there like a Trans sorting hat in the Harry Potter universe? I would imagine I would get Hufflepuff. Anyway, the Trans Woman part is easy for me to identify with so...gender identity covered. As far as sexuality is concerned, I am attracted to both men and women but I have no desire to use my penis with either group lol. It may as well be a vestigial organ. I like to be a woman with a man and I like to be a woman with a woman. Gay male sex and straight man/woman sex hold no real interest for me although I have participated in both. It would be easy to term me bisexual but I don't really have a vested interest in labeling that at all.


xoxoxo
Alyssa

[PurplePelican]

Gender: Who yo go to bed as - man, woman, NB..

Sexuality: Who you go to bed with - Gay, lesbian, bi, pan etc

Getting these confused serves no one.

[Breeze 57]

Confusion reigns supreme with me.  I also want to change my answer slightly since I reread the original post and saw I misread it slightly.  I'm going with Alyssa Bree's response now.  Whomever I'm with, man or woman, I am always female.

[Melanie Jean]

Amandam,

While I commend your stance on doing away with out-dated labels, I find that to catagorize "us" as anything other than human is a non-starter. Except when dealing with medical needs, I refuse to think of myself in any other terms (I will, however, align with anything to do with LGBT and related issues).

Yes, I am trans, but only as a convenience to avoid legthy and possibly confusing discussions with anyone who might not understand who I really am. A fellow human, capable of love and all it entails. Any other labels need not apply.

Now, where da cookies at?

[Jessica]

I'm transgender, I'm not bi or gay. I like women. I also sometimes like men. I look at all kinds of porn but cannot enjoy man-on-man porn. It does nothing for me. Also, if I think of me with a man it's always "me as a woman". With women, I can be either a man or woman. Therefore, there is something else going on here.

Since my brain is at least 50% female, I am at least bi-gendered! That means half my personality is female. The female part of me also has a sexuality, it's not just emotions, or some other thing.

I was never a man attracted to men, I am a trans attracted to men. I'm also a trans attracted to women. The old labels of gay and bi don't apply to us. There I said it. We don't belong with the hets and we don't belong with the gays/bi. We are separate.

Flame on.

I think of myself as bi-heterosexual

[120716]

I am Margaret, then I am a human, Susan's partner, parent, business owner, appraiser, dog owner, good cook, great baker and lastly a lesbian.

[blackcat]

Trapped in a female body, I could only ever be with men.

Once I transition, though, I would definitely be pan. Being with women as a woman (which I am not) is a no-go for me. But being with women as a man sounds like a lot of fun.  I think being with anyone not on either side of the spectrum would be magical, too. And I love men.

Once I realized I was trans, I mentally lost the ability to have sex with anyone. It's not like I don't want to --I just can't with the wrong equipment. And the thought of anyone looking at me and seeing something I am not makes me sick.

I am on the path to transition, though. I have a sneaking suspicion I might need to make up for lost time when I'm on the other side. 

I do think standard orientation labels fall flat on their face when trying to describe the complexity of trans sexuality. I might be a chameleon??

The stronger our alliance with others being discriminated against, though, the better.

[randim]

I agree with much of the OP.  Sexuality for a trans person is difficult to categorize.  I have mostly  been asexual my entire life (or self-sexual, I do masturbate), but a lot of that has to do with self-esteem, social anxiety, lack of social skills, etc..  My most intense fantasies have always been as a female partner of a man, but my body and the penis always seems to react most strongly to women.  Go figure.  When I was younger I did experiment with some gay men, but it didn't seem to happen.  Maybe if I had been wearing lingerie and was clearly designated as a bottom, it would have been different, I don't know.  But in my limited experience, woman have been more of a turn-on.  Unfortunately, being trans is a turn-off for most woman.  Not all, but I think that is a reasonable generalization.  It is difficult being trans *understatement*.  Part of the brain's wiring is pretty conventional, but other parts are quite non-issue. It's a puzzler.

[deannabirdwell06]

I had to think about this for a few moments as I agree with a few things the OP says, such as we don't necessarily have much in common with the LGB community, the transgender community spans across the LGB spectrum while still having it's own unique spectrum. But, something about the stance presented strikes me as off, please understand I am not attacking anything posted. Willth that said, I think there is some confusion on terminology in thinking gender and sexuality are related, gender and sexuality have nothing to do with each other. Gender is in reference to being male or female, such as CIS female or CIS male, transgender males and females are across the gender spectrum from CIS males and females, it does not determine sexuality. Sexuality refers to whom you want to sleep with, the only time LGB comes in to play with the transgender community is if a trans person is attracted to the same or opposite gender.

What strikes me off, please understand I believe you are able to identify as you wish, but please understand that arguing that a transgender female, (using self as an example) attracted to females doesn't fall under the lesbian category because I once lived as a male, destroys the stance that trans women are women, trans men are men; even worse, it gives credibility to the opposing argument that we are just men in drag, pretending to be females. I may have lived my life as male but, I have always been female. This may sound like a petty statement, but our opposition will take every miss cue, word, or statement and beat us over the head with it to show we are not what we say we are.

I was going to write something similar then i read your post and you hit it exactly as i have always believed to put it simply its not who you go to bed with, its who you go to bed as.

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[Eryn T]

LOL @ those poll results <3 you all!

I'm really in agreement with the Amanda, Alyssa, and so many of you...

My first 'sexual' experience was watching blurry porn on TV, and I basically pulled my pants down and was yelling at my member. I didn't know what to do, and I didn't want to touch it.

I grew tired of straight porn quickly in adolescence. I didn't see myself as the woman, and I didn't think I could ever be the man.  Similar thing to lesbian sex, I (at the time) couldn't see myself in there, so it was purely voyeuristic. I would say the majority of the porn I've enjoyed in my life has been crossdressing/effeminate males. I think because, subconsciously I saw a way of connecting them to myself.  But even to this day, I still can't stand gay porn; does nothing for me.

I've only had straight(well, male/female vanilla) sex before in my life, and I always just felt disconnected from the whole activity, essentially just a soulless tool.  But, even as a transwoman, with a strap-on, I could do more and be more involved than I ever was as a man.  Though, I still would rather just be filled anyway.