Transitioning Feels Pointless..

[rlacy2018]

I transitioned at around 58. I was not convinced early on that a male side would not come raging back and tell me I was making a mistake. That period of time of first going out was really hard. I am definitely binary and not passing that great was difficult. The thing is I learned so much about my true path by watching my emotions when I was perceived by others as 'X' or 'Y.' I thought I would be embarrassed to be out in public. In reality, I was thrilled when I was perceived as female. I hadn't changed anything permanently at this point. If I watch my emotions now, I am embarrassed to have a male aspect perceived by others. For you, experimentation is probably wise. Watch your emotions and see what they tell you. Lying to yourself or running from your true self are easy things to do, but don't work out well in the happiness department. If you figure out what you want, you can work on the specifics of what you must change to get what you want.
Moni

Thanks! Honestly I do think I just need to figure out what I want, like you said. It's interesting that you mention that perception by others, because recently I was working at Kroger, and a young kid told their parent that I was a girl. Of course, it was a child so it wasn't full perception, but it was interesting to me. And I can't stand being perceived as a male.

I'm glad you decided to be your true self, though! I hope that's going well for you.

[lilpinkdragon]

I'm almost 19, bio male, genderfluid, and I kinda feel stuck. I just recently started to go to therapy, I don't really fully know how I identify. I'm fairly certain that I would want to transition, but it feels almost pointless. My voice is really upsetting, and trying to change it is difficult and upsetting in and of itself. The worst part is that I already know I wouldn't have a 'successful' transition, I have some really masculine features. I don't know. I just feel like there's nothing I can do, and that I'll never be happy with myself.

First off hunny, if it feels pointless to transition, then maybe being gender fluid is a better match for you. In all honesty, the road from being a head banging linebacker biker, means I have lots of points to work towards being me and what I need to break habits of my forced indoctrination of being male. We live in a more accepting society than from the past decades, trust me, just make sure that this isn't just being rebellious as a teenager from the life you currently live. Lots of hugs and love, everything takes time. Yolo with certainties.

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[lilpinkdragon]

The only difference between male and female, is how you identify. People are the ones with the problem trying to accept you as both, but are confused with the gender norms we have based as all have for many a mellinia. Focus on what you need to be happy, and not on what you want to be happy. Hugs and kisses

Honestly, I think I am genderfluid, because I go in between feeling feminine/masculine a lot. Mostly feminine, but sometimes I am masculine. I think I just denied that because I didn't want to live as someone who has their gender questioned in public every two seconds. I do have longer (than average) hair now, it's about down to my shoulders, so that helps me. I couldn't stand having short hair lol
But again, I don't fully know how I identify, so I might fully transition. And it's nice to see you again!

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[KittyKat]

This might just be me speaking from regret, but if you think at any point you'll decide to transition, you might want to consider trying HRT now while you're young. It'll be able to do things to your body that simply won't happen latter on. Mainly I'm think that you might be able to achieve some hip widening at your pelvis at your age. You might not decide to socially transition, but it'll help get your body aligned with a more female structure through your bones that in a few years you'll completely lose the opportunity to accomplish after the pelvic bones finish fusing in a few years. Even if after you decide to still be fluid or even stop transitioning you'll have accomplished something that can only be done at a young age.

[rlacy2018]

This might just be me speaking from regret, but if you think at any point you'll decide to transition, you might want to consider trying HRT now while you're young. It'll be able to do things to your body that simply won't happen latter on. Mainly I'm think that you might be able to achieve some hip widening at your pelvis at your age. You might not decide to socially transition, but it'll help get your body aligned with a more female structure through your bones that in a few years you'll completely lose the opportunity to accomplish after the pelvic bones finish fusing in a few years. Even if after you decide to still be fluid or even stop transitioning you'll have accomplished something that can only be done at a young age.

I'm sorry, can I just ask, regret?? You're gorgeous!! Anyways... I agree with you on that. While I don't want to rush into things, I don't think there's really much to rush into with HRT. I think breast development is around 6 months? I'm gonna go to therapy Tuesday and see how I feel. Thanks! You definitely have a great point there.

[Donna]

Don't look at time periods for HRT effects. Everyone is different and there is no way to tell how you may respond. Talk openly and honestly at therapy and when you desire to start you will be amazed at the change in how you feel. Body changes will come at their own pace. I added estrogen in January and have gone from a C  to DD in three months. In my case my body has really taken to the meds. Others will tell you it's been one or two years for breast growth so don't get discouraged.

[KittyKat]

Was mostly speaking of my hips, they're pretty narrow and my stomach is actually wider then my hips :x. Just wish I had talked to my parents as a teenager more about things and didn't wait till my late 20s.

[rlacy2018]

Don't look at time periods for HRT effects. Everyone is different and there is no way to tell how you may respond. Talk openly and honestly at therapy and when you desire to start you will be amazed at the change in how you feel. Body changes will come at their own pace. I added estrogen in January and have gone from a C  to DD in three months. In my case my body has really taken to the meds. Others will tell you it's been one or two years for breast growth so don't get discouraged.

Ohh okay, thanks! Yeah, I know everyone reacts differently, hopefully I'm one of the lucky ones lol. Congrats to you!

[rlacy2018]

Was mostly speaking of my hips, they're pretty narrow and my stomach is actually wider then my hips :x. Just wish I had talked to my parents as a teenager more about things and didn't wait till my late 20s.

Ohh okay haha, yeah I know what you mean though. Sadly I came out to my parents at 15/16, but they wouldn't let me start anything, and my mom (my dad's out of the picture, don't worry it's a good thing) still kinda doesn't want me to, mostly in case I regret transitioning.