Should I call mom on mother's day? Thoughts? Have you called yours? why/not?

[Doreen]

Let me preface by saying: My mother has been one of the most toxic sources of depression, sadness, and open hostility in my life.   She's never been supportive, incredibly negative.. and downright delusional.  Now that her good traits are stated, let me go into some of the negative ones.

Nevermind.  That being said, she still is my mother.  She's getting up there in age, 81 years old.  Last year I did call her, and she acted like it was beneath her to talk to me.  I won't even go into the intersexed aspect she's still in denial of despite all the medical facts presented.

Should I call her?  Or finally cut ties once & for all.  What would you do?

[Stevi]

Doreen,

If she would not appreciate a call from you, don't bother yourself.  If you think she might appreciate it, even if she can't express it, then you should consider calling.  Calling your mother on mother's day is your gift to her.  If she does not want it, don't waste it it on her.  $0.02

I no longer have a mother to call.  I wish I had been in a better position in the days when I could have called.  I am sure she would have appreciated it, but I doubt she would have been able to express her appreciation.  While I do not believe she was a terrible person, she had her own issues that helped to make our relationship dysfunctional.  Oh, well.  Nothing to be done about it now.

Stevi

[silvertime]

I'd say call. She still brought you into the world. Just keep it short you know. "Happy Mother's Day, I only called just to say I was thinking about you. I hope you enjoy the rest of the day" something along those lines. Ven thoigh she may not be supportive and caused issues, never stop hoping. Life has a crazy way of coming back around to everyone. Who knows, she may see the errors she has caused but just can't admit to it. I don't know, maybe it's just my hormones lol

[Devlyn]

Tough decision. I, too had a toxic mother. We didn't talk much. When she died, I didn't grieve. It took awhile to get over that. I mean who doesn't grieve their own mother?

My advice:  Grit your teeth and call her. You might regret it, but you might regret not calling more.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Donna]

My mom phoned me so that was a big difference. Show her your the better person and call her, you can always end the call if it gets uncomfortable.

[Alyssa Bree]

Ugh...really tough call. I think maybe the decision of whether to call or not should be left out of the domains of the heart or the brain and left to the "gut" to decide. Either way, best to you!


xoxoxo
Alyssa

[Doreen]

I know my sister didn't call my mother, she stated last time we chatted she never does on mother's day.  I don't blame her.  Just asked my brother, and will gauge his reaction whether I decide to or not.  I'm kinda leaning heavily on the 'not' at this time.

[Allison S]

No. Lol just joking don't listen to me... I would just do a text if you really feel the need to without calling.. Is that cold? I did that for my mom's birthday last week

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[Doreen]

No. Lol just joking don't listen to me... I would just do a text if you really feel the need to without calling.. Is that cold? I did that for my mom's birthday last week

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I notice noone else is saying what they plan on doing lol.   That's ok.  Wish I could text her, she still has her land line.  I know she has her cell phone.. maybe I'll give it a go (but then she'll have MY cell # too.. ugh)

[JudiBlueEyes]

I called my mother today and we spoke for 30 minutes or so.  She's my biggest supporter despite me turning the world upside down years ago.  I talk to her regularly by phone or email.  My 85 y/o mom is an iPad wiz. 

Judi

[SadieBlake]

I called, regretted doing so ... it was unpleasant, not surprised.

[Doreen]

I called, regretted doing so ... it was unpleasant, not surprised.

And that is exactly why I've chosen not to call. Every time I have called her I always ended up nearly in tears, and my headache escalated to migraine levels.  In the end, do I owe her for her ability to have sex and pop out another child? (#4 out of 6).  Some would say yes. 

Do I owe her for burning all of my books in high school, because they were 'tools of satan'?  Twice?.  Do I owe her for hitting my hands repeatedly with a telephone box so she wouldn't call the cops on me for coming in late one night?

Do I owe her for borrowing my car while I was at work, telling me she'd pick me up at closing time 8pm.. then finally showing up around 5am the next day?

For all the times she left me and 'forgot' to pick me up (and all of her children) for hours and hours later?

For 'borrowing' thousands from me as I worked full time in elementary & high school to support the family with a dead beat dad?  Thousands meant for college that was never ever repaid.

For charging me $500/month + expenses when I couldn't get my feet under me after losing everything?

For acting every time I call her like I'm a huge waste of her time and a terrible disappointment?

I chose not to call her. 

[Donna]

Reading your first post and your last I would have to say my desision would be a no brainer. Why waste time even thinking about it. Sorry you had such a Terrible time with her in the past and hope you can move on for yourself now.

[Doreen]

Reading your first post and your last I would have to say my desision would be a no brainer. Why waste time even thinking about it. Sorry you had such a Terrible time with her in the past and hope you can move on for yourself now.

Thank you Donna.  Sadly though, she still is my mother.. and in her own twisted misguided way she still loves me.  Or at least she loves the concept of me she created in her head a long time ago.  The kicker is she always assumed I was a girl because she carried me differently than all the brothers.  Surprise mom, I'm... mostly girl.  She still doesn't accept though.. her loss in the end, as she has lost a very loving child.