For those who ultimately ended up becoming friends with their spouses...

[blackcat]

...because the spouse did not have same-sex attraction, how did you get there? Was there a rough period? How did you navigate it? What is your story?

[Chloe_freebird]

I haven't started hrt yet but I told my wife about  5 months ago that I haven't been happy in myself for most of my life and I wanted to change that night she took off and didn't speak to me for 4 hours then we argued about the issue for 4 months she said she couldnt be with me I'm waiting on my counceling apointment on the 5th of june and she said she is moving out by the end of month but wants to stay friends it's a hard time especially when you get the question "why didn't you tell me before we got maried"  I hope that we do stay friends as she means the world to me. We still cook each other meals and go out to dinner at the moment so it is still somthing

[DawnOday]

Happily my wife is understanding and while she does not endorse the transition per se. She does know I've been struggling for a lifetime. I believe her love for me, the person is stronger than her dissatisfaction over my decision. She is my rock and always has been there for the many incidents in my life. She forgave my drinking and doing drugs, helped get over the death of my parents. We have gone through good times and bad times together. But the one thing we have had in our relationship is to talk things out and never go to bed mad. That has applied regardless of my gender evolution.

[krobinson103]

My wife was very upset after 14 years of marriage. Sure we hadn't actually shared a bed for the last three but, She felt I had lied to her all those years ago. In a way I did, but I was also lying to myself. We currently still live in the same house and co-parent. We get on ok, but when it is practical we will go our own ways. I knew the cost would be high to transition, but the cost of not transitioning was far worse.

[Kylo]

You just have to face the facts, the sooner begun the sooner done I suppose, although that obviously isn't the aim when you are trying to save a marriage or a long term relationship but some just can't be saved due to the attraction issue. I expect most people did the same thing I did, try to communicate, try to "see how it goes", see that it isn't going anywhere and then slowly evolve into some other kind of relationship organically whether it's what you desire or not.

I became a lot more cynical in the process, since I had to face the truth that love can't solve or fix everything, and love is a biological thing with sexual attraction, not a choice. That's a tough pill to swallow for someone whose life experience has never been as straightforward or easy as "I like X, I get with X, I am happy" but I had to take it anyway. About staying friends... that's just in the character of the people involved. If you had mutual respect and respect for each others' values and boundaries from the start it shouldn't be a problem. If they or you have to have a sex life then you're going to have to work something out and probably drift apart. I didn't need that and neither did the other guy so there wasn't much of a need to immediately move out and start dating and stuff. There's things I want to do with my new found life before I even bother getting into all that again. It was basically going round in circles only to end up where it as predicted we would so I could have saved myself the trouble and just relaxed and watched it unfold. But it took a couple of years for the pride I had in myself and the investment I put in to shrivel up and die and just accept it. Pride makes people do and say some pretty stupid things, eh.