Dear, Dear Megan,
Me too. Over and over. Year after year. Decade after decade. Ever done the "purge of clothes" thing? Me to. A few times.
And yet, here my wife and I are. Still me. Still her. Still closet.
But I've had to at least glance at a few difficult truths. Truth is I love my non-accepting wife and cannot conceive of a life without her -- any more than I can conceive of a life without dressing. Maybe your life is different, and if so maybe your future can be changed. If not, my solution has been to learn to live within the closet.
Another truth is that I have no desire to "transition". I like the guy whose body I'm a part of. He takes care of all the stuff that I wouldn't want to -- fixing cars, paying bills, painting and plumbing, putting the elderly pet to sleep when I'm all teary. He even smiles at the same kind of girls passing that I like. And he doesn't mind my being out and about when it works out ok. And he's really, really good at facing down people who want to cause trouble.
But maybe you don't share a body with someone you like. Or maybe you can't build yourself a closet that is large enough to fit your needs. If not, maybe your future needs to be changed somehow.
But if change is necessary, its good to give yourself enough lead time to understand where it is that you want to go before you close the door behind you. For me -- even in my most difficult times -- I didn't really have anywhere else that I wanted to go. (Well, maybe for a weekend or a couple of weeks, but not for the rest of my life.)
So may happiness await you Megan. Wherever you may go or be.
Caroline
