Katie Jade’s stuff

[Katie Jade]

Hi
I think I may like to share a few posts with you guys on my progress issues and generally my life as it progresses.

Summary so far;

55 years old and cant remember a time I didn't feel different..
Married 25 years and separated  start of March 18.
2 beautiful sons 17 and 20
Best friend is my separated wife -  very few friends since I have always internalised my 'gift' and avoided detection wherever possible until last year
HRT about 4 and a bit months I think (see timer below)

So, not posted anything in last couple of months as I couldn't use PC as I had both (yes both) eye lenses replaced due to cataracts, and due to a rotation of one of them had to undergo repair surgery earlier this week. But I can see now so that's good.

Situation with my best friend is that we are both active in bringing up our kids and that is where my main personal issues lie.

No 1 son has said he understands my transition and wishes me well, but today he admitted that he cant take the separation from my ex-wife at all.. not good
No2 son seems on the fence but he openly stated he doesn't like it to my ex-wife (we live separated atm)

So I'm getting my head around that one (or two).

Personally, I'm really good , T is so low they cant read it, E is 364 whatevers per ml, which is a bit low but has really changed my body a lot.

I am internally very happy and smile a lot - cry a lot at films and worry a lot about my nails which seem to break off every time I work on the bike or car,,, grrr

Weight loss has stopped. That's bad, lost 32 lb (was 40 but put weight on during the 2 months of surgery as I cant work out at all) need to loose another 32.. am 210 a the moment.

Finally my local Gender clinic has received the letter from my Doctor so I hope that I will get a positive response from them this week, but its 2 to 2.5 years for the first appointment here in the UK at my local centre..(that's why I have gone private initially as I couldn't stand waiting that long and then the 1 to 2 years real life experience required before getting hormones - 'What the Hell' I hear you cry - that's the UK regime at the moment as far as I understand)

Well that's enough from me - avidly reading loads of others life threads which to be honest are more exciting than mine.

Lot of love and Hugz
Katie

[Rachel]

Hi Katie,

I am sorry your sons are having difficulty adjusting. Perhaps having them plan out visits and activities and placing it on a calendar would help.

I understand the loss and pain of losing your family so make sure you do things to support yourself too.

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Katie.  Thanks for posting your update.

Congrats on getting your eyes back!  They are so important, and we tend to take them for granted until they don't work.

I am glad that things are mostly good for you.  Sorry to hear that your sons are having difficulties accepting the situation.  I'm guessing that they will come around with time.

Yeah, the British system!    I am Canadian, but I have a British birth certificate, so I get to deal with your wonderful bureaucracy for that.  I don't envy you, having to deal with it for all your transition needs.

[randim]

Hi Katie,

Give your sons some time.  I'm sure it's hard for them to reimagine you, but at the end of the day I suspect they love very, very much. That will show at some point.  Best of luck to you going forward.

[davina61]

Its been over a year and my 3 kids are still a bit unsure , nails are a pain as work on cars as a job and keep breaking them. Still waiting on NHS as well might get an appointment later this year???

[Donna]

Hope the kids come around. We are dealing with her boys and they are dead set against me. Always breaking , splitting or peeling nails. It is a bummmer. Waits here can be stupid, supposedly the next doc I have to see is about 30 months wait time for an appointment. Then the waits for surgery after that. I could have body parts fall off quicker from old age. Lol

[pamelatransuk]

Nice to hear from you again Katie.

I am glad you have your eyes back and can read and post again if you wish.

I am sorry to hear of your sons' reactions but hopefully they will accept in time.

Wonderful that your HRT is progressing well; like you I am with GenderGP and have recent set up "Shared Agreement" with NHSGP and GenderGP.

I wish you every happiness on your journey and with your family.

Hugs

Pamela

[Katie Jade]

Thanks all for your kind comments and best wishes, I really appreciate them - Hugz all.

Quick update;
Sons getting better with me in that my youngest came over for tea the other day, ate and drank, and gave me a big hug before he left. Was quite overcome with that and felt so heart warmed for a long time.
Argued via text with my elder brother as my brothers still don't want me to tell my parents as they aren't in too good health, so I'm in a bad place as I don't want to hurt them but very very soon my male persona will be gone and they will never see him again without knowing why, as I wouldn't be able to visit them , nor they me. I cant win either way. So anyway I told my elder brother 'goodbye' after his last rant. My younger brother has rung and left a message wanting to patch things up. It will be a long time before that happens, no one calls this girl out in the way my elder Bro did.
Still Younger bro is really nice, so Ill call him back in a few days when I have cooled off ..

Out to another person at work. One of my engineering section leaders was over today, and she is so nice, even chose to work for me from her home site in Sweden, than work for some of the Swedish managers a while ago (she thinks I'm very good and care a lot for my engineers.. female empathy?? don't know but I have just taken another girl Engineer on.... I'm all for that, but she was good and really full of potential and willing to work for it).
Anyway back to the thread, found a private meeting room, and gently told her of the confidentiality of what I needed to discuss and that she should understand in a minute, then into my 30 sec monologue in to me as a transgender woman. She was so supportive and really made me almost weep with her comments about how strong I must be to do this and that I should just try to be as happy a person as I could be. She commented that she had noticed my long hair (4inches or so) and wondered why. We chatted for 10 mins  then then had a big hug (told her not too tight please at which she laughed and said she knew why..).
As she is a very intelligent woman, more so than me (I'm a manager now so that's understandable..) she was going to research a bit so she could understand better, and I said she could call me if she needed to discuss but that I'm not an expert, but it would be good to talk anyway. She was concerned over my expectations (negative) about coming out at work and said it didn't really matter to most people, just seemed it was an issue most of all to me and I shouldn't worry (I am natural worrier ..)
So that was really good.
I'm getting to a place in my head where I need to stop messing around and procrastinating and properly start to live my life. Loads of things to cope with but we all have those anyway, so nothing really stopping me except me, again.

Well that's me for a bit (Id post photos but  not found how to do that yet)

Best of luck and love to you all

Hugz
Katie

[Katie Jade]

Well another nice day today.
Had Ex and youngest son over for tea, not before I has done all the cleaning, washing and ironing for the week though. Back to 'drab' mode (Boy mode, so youngest was comfortable) for tea, not happy about that but was only for a couple of hours as he had to get back to his computer...
Also minor progress, out to take rubbish out and water garden as me (every night this week well before sunset). Garden is overlooked by about 6 other houses (UK houses are generally squashed together as we have too many people in the country) but starting not to care.
My good friend Tina and I have planned my first big outing on my birthday in a few weeks. to Manchester in advance of the' Sparkle' TG events there so I can get a feel for the area. I know the area a bit as I did my Masters Degree at MMU near to within 100 yards of Canal Street which is the centre for LGBT+ in Manchester. I got my masters in 1998 and so much has changed, especially for us girls. I so love that city as its almost my home, being born 12 miles south of it, and working on its outskirts for 12 years, well its the nearest one anyway.
Event will include going on public trains to Manchester, Walking to safer zones, then lunch (Molly house maybe), off for shopping (First time as me), maybe some more shopping, a couple of drinks at cafes and then back via public transport - hope my makeup lasts that long..

Anyway my significant Ex brought my baby girl dog over tonight (well she is 11 years old but she's still a puppy to me) after she has been to groomers today (so miss her, but Ex won her on a coin flip...) - still don't know how to embed pictures here or Id post a pic of her - I have several pics already I need to do that with...

So, Im feeling better within myself and looking forward with some trepidation to my day out.

Oh, and for some reason I have lost 1.5 or so inches off my height, so 5 foot 11 now, not been that height since I was about 15.. Don't worry I will check with Doc next time I see Him.

Hope you all well, and keep going girls and boys,

Hugz
Katie

[Katie Jade]

Hi
Todays update is that I sort of went out on my own for the first time. Day off work so got up and took 2 hrs to get ready (cant take this long when full time but I suppose that will come with practice). Just went for it, and drove to Litchfield which is a local town , about 30 mins away with the full intention of scouting the cathedral/coffee. However, my eye (those who read my recent posts now I have has cataract surgery on both eyes, the left one requiring remedial work) on the left started to fog up and ache which isn't a good sign. Maybe my lens has rotated again... I hope not. So I drove home a scenic route and stopped off at a local reservoir where I hoped to get an Ice Cream (always used to stop here when I was on motorcycle outings in this area) but no Ice Cream van today as its only 19C and feeling chilly after the last several days of good weather in the East Midlands UK. Took a few pics of me (most were rubbish and were deleted) and Ill post one if I can figure out how to.. in fact I will put as new avatar anyway.
So feeling really good and much more confident now, maybe this is me getting back into the groove of getting out there again after 2 months of eye issues. Small steps..
Talk soon.
Hugz
Katie

[Katie Jade]

Hello anyone reading this
Well eyes was good today. Eldest son has money problems at University... but he's got a job for the summer in Leicester (His Uni city) so hopefully he wont have to come 'cap in hand' for another indefinite loan.
Phoned Gender Identity Clinic at Nottingham and they finally recognised that I have been referred, so Ill expect a letter soon saying that I'm on the list, along with a notification of the 24 month wait for an appointment. No wonder I'm going private...
Still my INR is all over the place at the moment (on Warfarin for Pulmonary Embolisms I had 8 years ago) so they want to make sure something else isn't up. So full bloods next week and also having E and T done again at the same time, a bit early but I'm OK with that. I'm feeling a bit like a pin cushion..
Not certain of my AA injection is wearing off as I definitely feel a bit aggressive at work (which is unusual for me anyway)and, how should I say, randy? No morning surprises though which is good as they would really kick in the GD.
Anyway, final bit tonight, the IPL marks are still there from Friday along with several spots bumps etc. And that was on lowest setting. Unfortunately I cant have that level of facial disfigurement at work so I don't know what I am going to do about hair removal. Its a bit of  an issue with me at the moment. And I cant take a week off to recover either for each session.
Maybe a different laser would help, I don't know. Was a real mess first session, but luckily was off work the following week. I can stand the pain but as Im not out at work, then such a messy face for a week or two every month will take some explaining. Ill have a think.
So that's today,
he world keeps tuning,
Love you all
Katie


Oh, and will change the avatar as the one in my fur lined Parka coat isn't particularly cheering.

[Katie Jade]

Hi everybody,
Well, solution to IPL facial damage: I have bought another 3 days holiday this year (so lower take home pay...) so I can have a week off (2 weekends so 9 days at a time as IPL on Fridays) after being zapped for 3 more sessions. Hopefully the markings will reduce so I can cancel a few days from some of these holidays. This means I can only have a total of 4 sessions this year. Obviously that's isn't good but Im doing what I can, and hopefully it will clear a lot of the issues, then maybe onto electrolysis and start to remove small areas at a time which I can hopefully cover, and as I'm probably being a lot closer to coming out at work, after which I wouldn't care as they would know what was going on. Keeping in my current work at my level  is very important to me as I have a 140k+ mortgage over the next 10 years due to my separation agreement and I have to pay that or I'm out on the streets as it were.
I know other are very much worse off, and my wishes are with them all, but its my view on my life.
And my eldest son has the mumps at 20... quite worried for him at the moment. Talk on that later.
Take care and have fun (TC and HF)

Katie

[Laurie]

 Hi Katie,

  I have just caught up on your thread. It is good to see at least one of your son's is willing to come visit with you and that you and your ex are on good terms. It can hurt so much when family have issues about us. Take care of those eyes girl, they are important you know. I am also glad to see you are venturing out. That is how we get used to being ourselves in public and that my dear is very important. The more we can do that the easier it becomes for us.
  Keep up what you are doing and you will be fine.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[Katie Jade]

  Keep up what you are doing and you will be fine.

Thanks Laurie, your support is always welcome as Im sure you know (Hugz).

Anyway today I went back to the laser clinic to show them a few pictures of the spots and stuff over the last few days. She was a bit horrified as this was done with the standard settings. She has been doing IPL and this sort of stuff for 30 years and has only had one similar result, for a girl of ethnic back ground who had been out in the sun a lot. I have qute pale skin so she didn't expect such a result. Needless to say she wants to solve this so the machine was reset on super sensitive (level or 12.6 rather than 15 - normal- or 15.4 which my first session was done at). Hurt a lot less, so lets see what happens... If I could find out how to post pictured here then Id show you the far side of my chin (Genesis reference) and the craters/impact zone. Nothing much else to do, its been a long week, Im tired and really don't want to do the ironing or bathroom/kitchen/toilet cleaning .. that will be early tomorrow.

Ooh Ohh I forgot - eye update, as I don't think I told you about  seeing my consultant on the evening of the 6th. Ex-partner gave me a lift so the consultant could put eyedrops in my eyes if he needed to (Ex is such a sweetie). Anyway I had done some research and I though I had some hypertension coming and going. He tested and said that that seemed to be it. So, I have pills and even more eyedrops (as well as the 3 currently being used), but guess what - I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles (The Who reference). Eyes still get dry, but hopefully the trauma will heal up in my eye and this will stop the issue (I have 2 weeks worth of pills). It will play havoc with my INR levels but a least we have the issue known and can start to do something about it. And soon Ill be able to put eyeshadow on both my eyes  (it looks silly on only one eye lol....).

Love you and leave you (for now, Ill be back..)

Hugz
Katie

[Katie Jade]

Catching up with posting pictures;

My Lovely dog  :-*who lives with my Ex (sobs quietly);


This was the second laser test on the 1st of June - Picture taken on the 2nd of June


Note that this was 5 strips only. Imagine what my face looked like after the first session 6 weeks ago, 60+ strips done at level 15.4.... Its a good job I was not in work the following week, but it did test the strength of my nails as I clung to the ceiling.... Funnily enough I didn't have that reaction to the original test at level 15...

Finally for now the picture this morning after yesterdays test at 12.6. Note the red marks you can see are the remnants of last weeks test No2. This still hurt but not as much. I cant see any reaction at all. which is great so we need to find a level that we can work at, until then no more laser sessions only tests, which is OK with me as I have some trans events coming up.



So there we are. Weekend good so far;
Last night walked to the post box which is about 1/3 of a mile away, but it was dark, and I posted the wrong letter  it seems so I have had to post the correct ones on my way to pick up my eldest son  from University (he has the mumps  despite being vaccinated twice in his lifetime against it - MMR injection and a pre University start one). He really does look like a hamster,
No reaction to Laser
Bought another tartan skirt and straightening irons for my hair which is getting unruly as its now almost 6" long (you can see a bit from my last picture). Gets in my eyes as well so I'm seriously going to properly learn how to control it and make it look nice. All this despite some MPB - some signs of regrowth due to hair treatment, but I will need a transplant.
And posting some pics.. 

All done then and hopefully you can see my pictures.

Hugz all
Katie

[Katie Jade]

Hi all
Quick update. helped ex get our spare car (We both half own it, Vauxhall Corsa 'C' c.30k miles) out of the garage as it wouldn't start, just fires a couple of times then dies. She has Home-Start with one of the breakdown companies, who came today and they couldn't get it started, fuel - OK, coils - OK, crank sensor OK, nothing on the auto diagnostics either. The relay for the ECU was running a bit hot though, that was swapped but still the same. So defeated the engineer then, he recommends getting the ECU checked out at a garage, at £400 replacement cost the part is 1/3 of the cost of the car let alone with fitting costs...
Anyhow I had Sunday lunch (Roast Pork) at the Ex's as no time to cook anything for myself then went home only to be invited back for a BBQ in the late afternoon. Ill be gaining weight at this rate...
Still it was good to see my sons who were both chatty, and laughing, so those relationships are getting better.
Also agreed to meet my brothers next week, which is a necessity as we are talking over support for our parents and powers of attorney etc, but the atmosphere will probably be high in tension as we aren't on good speaking terms. I will be gracious and as forgiving as I can be, after all this is about people who are very precious to me.
Had another invite to go shopping on Friday afternoon in Manchester, but I'm having full bloods and hormone levels checked so cant - it would be too late to get there for it to be useful or fun.
Looking forward to my next support group meeting on this Thursday, I haven't been for a couple of months due to not being able to night drive with my eyes.   
Ill see if I can pop in a couple of pics this week as well as I think I'm looking more like me all the time
Take Care
Hugz
Katie

[Stevi]

Katie,

Is that a Sheltie?  Beautiful dogs.  I miss mine so much.  Lost her a few years back at the age of 16.

Stevi

[Katie Jade]

Hi Stevi

Katie,

Is that a Sheltie?  Beautiful dogs.  I miss mine so much.  Lost her a few years back at the age of 16.

Stevi

No she is a full pedigree rough collie, gorgeous dog and temperament and I love her so much. I like shelties as well of course.
Hugz
Katie

[Katie Jade]

Posted on "Positive Mindset... put away negativity" but included here for completeness;

"Hi Everybody

This is such good reading and makes me ponder a lot of the negative things in my life at the moment.

Taking succour from the many pearls of earned wisdom in this thread, upon reflection I find that my issues needn't be negative, and its as if I'm holding onto them in this manner for some (stupid) reason.
So I have confronted my pride and such like with regards to my brothers, and I am meeting them tomorrow, to not only sort out how we will look after my parents in the future, (and I will want a big part in that despite living some distance from them) but also to offer a big free olive branch to them and not be as arrogant with them as I have been.
I'm not the same person any more that caused the argument, and I need for them to see that and to accept me as the person I am becoming.
I realise I have so much baggage from thinking male for so long.
Well that's me - ill post this in my thread as well anyway.
Take care
Hugz
Katie
"

And also starting painting the house again now that eyes have settled down.

Katie

[Donna]

This is a nice read. Glad your moving along so well. I find writing the good and the bad is so good for the mind. Have a wonderful day and enjoy life