Hard to find a headline that makes sense
So, I will transition FTM wit hormones next month, and my (bisexual) partner of a few years, cis-male, is supporting me. Looks very much like we'll stay together.
We're not married and for financial reasons (health insurance), we're not planning to get married. We have both been married in hetero relationships. My state is gay-friendly.
He is bi, as I said, and has been with men for years but typically in poly phases when he has also been with women at the same time. His preference is women. That sets me up for lots of "I am not good enough" thoughts. And "I am not who you thought you were getting when we got together". He, of course, says he doesn't care.
So I have this thought stuck in my head. I want him to choose me again, this time as a man. I'd get married as soon as I've legally changed my gender markers, mostly because I want to somehow stick a label on our relationship that honors how different it has become. So if not a legal wedding, I'd like to do an informal one. Sign some relationship contract (we're already each other's proxys and beneficiaries etc.) I am looking for something that eases my pain of having failed as being a woman for him. I have a very sore spot when people don't see our relationship as gay which only means I don't count as a man.
Let me say that if we were married, ideally I'd get divorced and get remarried under the new legal name. I don't like the sliding into a different kind of relationship without acknowledging that. Then again, it's not as much for the relationship as it is for my gender - but then again, how does one separate that anyway.
Has anyone done that? Does anyone understand what I mean? And the question of all questions: am I crazy?
