I'm a smoker, go through around 10-15 cigarettes per day. I started smoking when I was 18, first very seldom like maybe 1 pack in 2 months. Then at age 22 I upped my consumption rate to 1 pack a day when I learned deep drags. So that's around... 11 years of being a smoker, I guess.
My reasons for smoking have been quite many. But a big one has been self-medication cause it calms me down when I've had bad anxiety, depressive episodes, dissociation and other mental health issues. Other reasons are that I simply think it tastes and smells good, that it's a soothing habit in general, gives me a good reason to take breaks from school classes and meetings etc, it can be socially bonding when meeting other smokers, it makes coffee taste better, it's an effective way to be rude to people who are rude to me (blow smoke in their faces), and I also kinda use it as a form of self harm meaning I like that it's deteriorating my body, etc.
When I'm with people who don't smoke, I try as well as I can to not have smoke blowing in their direction and be at a bit of a distance (pay attention to wind direction), and often also ask them if it's okay. Not all non-smokers are bothered by it though. I do it on my balcony, but all my neighbours around me smoke as well, so I don't bother anyone with it at home. I live alone but don't smoke indoors.
I've only "quit" once, by which I mean I took a longer break with the intention of starting again, for my top surgery. I will take a break like that for my hysto in the future as well. But I do not ever want to actually quit. I don't care if it shortens my life. I'm the kind of person who wants an indulgent and exciting life filled with both bad and good habits and if that means I'll be dead before 50 it's worth it. A long and healthy life does not interest me. The only thing I hate about being a smoker is everyone else telling me to quit. Cause it actually is my choice.
