Hrt or not to hrt? Need your experience

[Curvybethannhope]

Ok, here's a summary of my experience with HRT.  I first started transitioning in 1998, but due to family and work problems I had to stop ~3 months later (I accepted all of the risks, and the probability of irreversible changes from HRT when I started treatment, with the intent of never discontinuing treatment) during that time I noticed some skin softening, sore nipples, and ejaculation stopped. I started HRT again in 2002, and have not stopped. During HRT from 2002-2007, overall my skin got a lot softer, and my facial complexion changed, and became fairer and softer; I started storing some fat in typical female areas, which was good, but I developed some mild bat wings under my arms, and that was not so good😀; I only had minor breast development (A cup); I did not have any hair loss on my head before HRT, but I started with short hair, and my hair grew out very well and is very soft; I didn't have any body hair befor HRT, and I had a normal amount of arm and leg hair, which became very sparse and light colored after some time on HRT; I had minimal facial hair before HRT, and while HRT did not stop facial hair growth, it did slow it down; I had a deep voice before HRT, and HRT did not change it, but I achieved a female voice through voice training; there are some emotional changes since starting HRT, but I attribute that to just being able to be more open with my feelings since transitioning.  I had FFS in 2007, and other feminizing surgeries since then, so I don't know exactly what other changes I can attribute to HRT since then, but overall I look softer and more feminine. And I did not lose any height, and my shoe size stayed the same.

Thank you MissyMay!  You are right, I need to accept any change may be permemant and I am.  May I ask if any of the changes Younexperienced were permanent when you went off HRT? 

BTW I am so glad you and most who have answered my question have found their path.  I am sure I am over thinking it, but for something like this,  more careful consideration is better than less.  I hope to find more happiness than I have now or at least more peace with this.

Thanks!

[Curvybethannhope]

In my experience once you live as your true identity it gets harder and harder to go back and live as the other identity and switching back and forth was mentally exhausting.


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Thank you Nikkimn,  that is part of my struggle, what is my true identity?  How much is learned self image as opposed to just me? 

Ahhhhh, if only we had crystal balls that could see multiple outcomes and how happy we would be......my kingdom for a Tardis!   

[Curvybethannhope]

I can't answer your question since I'm not on HRT, but I'm in pretty much the same place that you are. My dysphoria is primarily social, although I have feminized myself as much as possible. I'm still considering HRT, so I'll be very interested in what others have to say. Thank you for asking this question, and best of luck to you whatever you decide to do.


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Thanks Joni,  i hope you find your path.  While I never want to hear of someone struggling, it is comforting to know others are just like me and I am not alone. 

[Doreen]

I don't even try to switch back & forth genders, I think that'd probably depress the crap out of me to be honest.  Even the rare time I saw my parents and they refused to accept my name & pronouns, I mostly just got angry, and later very depressed.

I avoid toxicity in all its forms.  Either accept me as I am or I want you out of my life.  If its someone I have to deal with, then I will by all means take it to the next level... only had to do that once in my life thank goodness.

I took HRT off & on (and not really longer than a couple months) for a very long times starting from 21 to around 39... mostly because of finances and not other reasons.  Now I'm on HRT full time, but the irony is it probably in retrospect wasn't ... entirely a great idea.   I woke something that slumbered, and now its a major source of pain & discomfort for me. 

The decision to do HRT or not to is a very personal one, and I don't think anyone has the right answer ... except you   I hope you can choose wisely.

[Arianna Valentine]

Can't really comment on your questions but I did want to welcome you to our wonderful and super supportive forum and congratulate you that your wife is so supportive.

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[Curvybethannhope]

The decision to do HRT or not to is a very personal one, and I don't think anyone has the right answer ... except you   I hope you can choose wisely.

Thanks Doreen.  I am trying to make the best decision I can! 

[Curvybethannhope]

Can't really comment on your questions but I did want to welcome you to our wonderful and super supportive forum and congratulate you that your wife is so supportive.

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Thank you Arianna,  I am lucky she is supportive,  I think like many of us that have a supportive spouse at the beginning, I worry that if I continue with transition will she continue to support it......keep your fingers crosssed! 

[Shellie Hart]

All good things here.

As we all know, HRT is incredibly variable. I seriously wish that it would work more evenly for me. I need lots of changes to my face that just hasn't happened after 26 months. I know my changes are permanent. I can't go back. I have large, noticeable breasts now that are here to stay -- absolutely permanent. And yes, switching back and forth between male and female as I do every day is getting exhausting at times. I know the day will come when I have to make some choices (I keep saying this). Till then, I am what I am....an anomaly in the world that doesn't accept me. But I love being a female at home too much to turn back.

Some things to think about...

[Arianna Valentine]

Thank you Arianna,  I am lucky she is supportive,  I think like many of us that have a supportive spouse at the beginning, I worry that if I continue with transition will she continue to support it......keep your fingers crosssed!

Yes it is hard to tell what will happen is you do decide to start hormones and such but as long as you both communicate with each other I'm sure that you will both be fine and extremely happy.  At least I hope so.

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[pamelatransuk]

Hello Curvybethannhope

I have always known I am transgender but thought I could "live with it" until the thoughts literally became so dominant that I could no longer ignore. So last year aged 62 I sought therapy and as you can see I have been on HRT 16 weeks.

At the start of HRT, I thought I would explore for a short period probably of 6 months by which time I would know whether it suited me or not. However I realized within 2 months that I it was right simply because it feels right. I feel as if I am finally on the correct "fuel" - oestrogen. I feel a sense of peace and much less stressed and aggravated by the dysphoria but the latter is still there of course but manageable. I await the physical changes in due time. I strongly hope and suspect that in 2019 I shall transition publicly and remain for life on HRT.

My advice to you is also to "explore". We all start on low dose and I say try it under doctors' supervision and I believe you will know perhaps after 2 or perhaps after 6 months whether it is beneficial and therapeutic.

I wish you every success whatever route you choose to take.

Hugs

Pamela

[Curvybethannhope]

At the start of HRT, I thought I would explore for a short period probably of 6 months by which time I would know whether it suited me or not. However I realized within 2 months that I it was right simply because it feels right. I feel as if I am finally on the correct "fuel" - oestrogen. I feel a sense of peace and much less stressed and aggravated by the dysphoria but the latter is still there of course but manageable. o.

Thanks Pamela,

When you said that you had a sense of peace and much less stressed and aggravated, was that limited to the dysphoria or did you feel calmer and less stressed about life in general?

Thx

[pamelatransuk]

Life as a whole. Pessimistic somewhat, but less so. Depressed less often. Significantly less misery and anger.

Gradually a new outlook on life! More peaceful and relaxed.

Pamela

[SaraDanielle]

Curvy,

Your experience sounds like it has some similarity to mine.

I've had signs throughout my life that something was amiss but it didn't really get serious till I got other things sorted.   I know what I'd like to be (female), but I'm mostly ok as I am. I most likely won't transition full-time because of the social and medical challenges.

My wife has been very supportive - but I gave her a lot of time to process it before I started HRT.  It took me years to sort it - why shouldn't she have some time, I thought. 

I'm 1 month in on HRT (E only) at the lowest transdermal dose.  The biggest change, and my wife commented independently is that I'm slower to anger, and less aggressive with my kids. I think the dysphoria for me, is like a layer of anger always present.  And addressing that was one of the more important things I wanted.  I didn't feel a  sense of peace or calm like others describe, but things don't piss me off as much if that makes sense.

My skin is softer in a few places (cheeks and groin), my orgasms last longer-but with less punctuation, and that's all I've noticed.  I'm hoping ( ok, afraid and excited) I can stay close to this pace with minimal breast tissue growth (ok, part of my wants real breast growth...)- because that will be the powerderkeg I guess.

I'd enjoy hearing about how you decide to proceed.  Knowing I'm doing something, has probably been the best of all of it.

Sara

[Shellie Hart]

I'm hoping I can stay close to this pace with minimal breast tissue growth - because that will be the powerderkeg I guess.

I'd enjoy hearing about how you decide to proceed.  Knowing I'm doing something, has probably been the best of all of it.

Sara

This is what I advise anyone starting HRT to watch for. My breasts started growing at 3 weeks and haven't stopped in 26 months. If this is a powderkeg, then (if you are like me) watch for early growth. I have quite large breasts now (after starting flat) and if I was married, there is absolutely no way this would not be an issue. Breasts are permanent (I understand you can lose any growth you get in the first few months) so be careful with this aspect of HRT changes...

[SaraDanielle]

Thanks for the advice from your experience - Shellie.  It's such a complicated set of feelings!  If they start taking off, not sure what I would do. 

[Charlie Nicki]

Thank you MissyMay!  You are right, I need to accept any change may be permemant and I am.  May I ask if any of the changes Younexperienced were permanent when you went off HRT? 

I know the question wasn't directed to me but I can also answer since I also stopped. I actually only stopped for a month and a half after being on HRT for 2 months and a half. I hadn't had much changes at the moment but my beard had diminished a lot thanks to laser. Well once I stopped HRT and the testosterone went back up, the beard came back! All of it. Libido also came back, and skin got less soft as well.

[Curvybethannhope]

Life as a whole. Pessimistic somewhat, but less so. Depressed less often. Significantly less misery and anger.

Gradually a new outlook on life! More peaceful and relaxed.

Pamela

Thank you Pamela.  That sounds great for you.  I hope if I start, I experience something similar.

[Curvybethannhope]

Curvy,

Your experience sounds like it has some similarity to mine.

I've had signs throughout my life that something was amiss but it didn't really get serious till I got other things sorted.   I know what I'd like to be (female), but I'm mostly ok as I am. I most likely won't transition full-time because of the social and medical challenges.

My wife has been very supportive - but I gave her a lot of time to process it before I started HRT.  It took me years to sort it - why shouldn't she have some time, I thought. 

I'm 1 month in on HRT (E only) at the lowest transdermal dose.  The biggest change, and my wife commented independently is that I'm slower to anger, and less aggressive with my kids. I think the dysphoria for me, is like a layer of anger always present.  And addressing that was one of the more important things I wanted.  I didn't feel a  sense of peace or calm like others describe, but things don't piss me off as much if that makes sense.

My skin is softer in a few places (cheeks and groin), my orgasms last longer-but with less punctuation, and that's all I've noticed.  I'm hoping ( ok, afraid and excited) I can stay close to this pace with minimal breast tissue growth (ok, part of my wants real breast growth...)- because that will be the powerderkeg I guess.

I'd enjoy hearing about how you decide to proceed.  Knowing I'm doing something, has probably been the best of all of it.

Sara

Sara,  your experience does sound similar to mine!  Do you spend anytime presenting as Sara? 

Thanks!

[Arianna Valentine]

I must admit I hope when I start hormones and throughout the full process that I retain my optimism and general good kind heart and friendliness. Also you may feel free to add me if you wish to curvy

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[AutumnGurl81]

In my experience once you live as your true identity it gets harder and harder to go back and live as the other identity and switching back and forth was mentally exhausting.


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This. So true--and in my case I was in a similar situation (marriage/family wise) where I kind of had the option to CD at least, on my own while I was still married. But once I told her (and I had to because I realized I couldn't live a lie) I wanted to transition things quickly fell apart--my point is, if that's who you really are and identify as--like Nikkim said its going to be hard to keep suppressing that once you see that person and realize how happy you feel, as the real you. Especially if you have to fight to get there, IMHO.