Looking for friends....not weirdos!

[Northern Star Girl]

Why not befriend some cis women? They are far easier to find and won't creep on you like men do.

@nightingale95:   In my personal experience certainly not all men, in fact most men will not creep on you.   there are still nice upstanding gentlemen out there.... to be sure however, there are creeps out there, both men and women.

I have been full-time for over a year and a half since December 2016.   Since I relocated here as a woman and started my own business as a woman and I now live in a very small conservative town and I am the only trans-woman that most of the townspeople have ever met or even know about. I have made a concerted effort to make friends and be friends with men and women alike. 

I came out full-time more than a year and half ago and I belong to an all cis-women book club (7 members) and I am a part of a weekly girls-gym group of 5 or 6 women.  I also have quite a few male friends and business clients as well
.   
Having friends and building friendships is usually what one makes of it.  If one wants friends, be friendly, be the first to say hello and introduce yourself and if that goes well a brief conversation can be started and beyond that possible friendships are built.
That is what has always worked for me, even before I transitioned,  being friendly to start with and a big smile usually disarms most people that I approach.
Danielle

[DEATH13]

I've never had anyone creep on me, but I'm also looking for friends \o/ Feel free to chat with me if you want!

[Northern Star Girl]

Obviously ladies what we have to be on the look out for are the "->-bleeped-<-s" ... the very few guys that for whatever reason want to hit on trans-women ......   definitely they are the definition of creepy.
Danielle

[nightingale95]

@nightingale95:   In my personal experience certainly not all men, in fact most men will not creep on you.   there are still nice upstanding gentlemen out there.... to be sure however, there are creeps out there, both men and women.

I have been full-time for over a year and a half since December 2016.   Since I relocated here as a woman and started my own business as a woman and I now live in a very small conservative town and I am the only trans-woman that most of the townspeople have ever met or even know about. I have made a concerted effort to make friends and be friends with men and women alike. 

I came out full-time more than a year and half ago and I belong to an all cis-women book club (7 members) and I am a part of a weekly girls-gym group of 5 or 6 women.  I also have quite a few male friends and business clients as well
.   
Having friends and building friendships is usually what one makes of it.  If one wants friends, be friendly, be the first to say hello and introduce yourself and if that goes well a brief conversation can be started and beyond that possible friendships are built.
That is what has always worked for me, even before I transitioned,  being friendly to start with and a big smile usually disarms most people that I approach.
Danielle

I didn't mean to imply that all men are creeps. I was responding to the OP's concern with not being able to meet any trans women and somehow only drawing to the attention of unsavory male-folks.

[Northern Star Girl]

I didn't mean to imply that all men are creeps. I was responding to the OP's concern with not being able to meet any trans women and somehow only drawing to the attention of unsavory male-folks.

@nightingale95 :   Of course, I knew that you did not imply that, I just wanted to make certain the readers of this thread understand that it is the creepy actions of the few that spoil it for everyone.  As I stated in my brief followup post reply, for trans-women, it is the male (and some female) "->-bleeped-<-s" that we need to be aware of and avoid.  The ->-bleeped-<-s for whatever reason seem to want to hit on trans-women and for certain they are not looking for a meaningful relationship.
Thanks for replying to my comment.
Danielle

[Devlyn]

Total weirdo here. 

[nightingale95]

@nightingale95 :   Of course, I knew that you did not imply that, I just wanted to make certain the readers of this thread understand that it is the creepy actions of the few that spoil it for everyone.  As I stated in my brief followup post reply, for trans-women, it is the male (and some female) "->-bleeped-<-s" that we need to be aware of and avoid.  The ->-bleeped-<-s for whatever reason seem to want to hit on trans-women and for certain they are not looking for a meaningful relationship.
Thanks for replying to my comment.
Danielle

It's not just ->-bleeped-<-s, though. I'd just say be careful because just by virtue being women we are at an increased risk of sexual harassmant/assault and rape. I made the mistake of meeting up with a man I met online and naively agreeing to stay in my car with him by his very isolated home. We began to fool around some and he proceeded to repeatedly pressure me into engaging in unprotected sex with him, despite me telling him "no." The evening ended with me calling everything off and telling him I had to leave. Fortunately, he allowed me.

It's situations like this that even cis women are prone to that we need to watch out for, especially if these are online folks we are meeting with. As trans women we know that the outcomes to these situations can end very tragically if we're not careful.

Maybe I'm a little harsh towards men but past experiences have made me more guarded towards them.

Stay safe 🖤

[CallmeMegan]

Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and input. I know all guys aren't creeps...I used to be a fully fledged member of that group and I wasn't a creep...I don't think lol.

I think the point I was trying to make in my original post is that as soon as you identify to some that you are trans that all they want to do is perv on you and not even try to firm any kind of conversation. To be honest I was seeking contact from other trans women so that I could chat or meet to share experiences but I seem to have drawn out the opposite.

At least I can say that by posting this experience here that I now know how caring and willing the people on Susan's site are and for that I am truly grateful.

Megan x

[Devlyn]

People are so quick to label someone a "->-bleeped-<-" but it does us all a disservice.

As a community we push to not have people reduce us to a one word label.

Then we show we're willing to do it ourselves.

Sad.

[FinallyMichelle]

There are men who are legitimately attracted to trans women, not as a fetish but as their primary choice of mate. How is that a bad thing?

The creeps are out there but they are out there for all women and trans men and probably gay men as well, though I can't say for sure about that. There was a trans guy where I used to work that actually got groped by a guy. I have been groped at work and my sister I know has been groped at work. I think that online "groping" is probably even easier for the more predatory men. It is rampant in the gaming community that is for sure. As for online dating, it has to be difficult, or at the very least annoying, for any woman. It is way too much for me, I had clearly stated that I was trans and I am sure that it kept some men away but every time I have done it I got flooded with responses and the creeps are always the most forward. They are not all bad men on those sites but the bad ones are so aggressive that it it can be hard to get past them. Really though, it was just ridiculous. I couldn't keep up with the guys who wrote multi sentence replies that seemed on the up and up. For every one of those there were at least 10 that that their best line was Hi, or Hey beautiful or We should hook up. For all of those there were probably 20 that just hit like on your profile.

Went afield there. 😊 There are sites were we can meet friends, like here. I have a couple that I met on a cooking/recipe forum with no fear creeps. But for trans friends, here is good or local groups.

[nightingale95]

People are so quick to label someone a "->-bleeped-<-" but it does us all a disservice.

As a community we push to not have people reduce us to a one word label.

Then we show we're willing to do it ourselves.

Sad.

I am not afraid to call disrespectful people who think I'm a sex toy "->-bleeped-<-", though I am careful in my application of the term. I reserve it only for those who warrant it.

A straight man asked if he could "s**k my d***" and told me he was looking for "hot trans girls" specifically. ->-bleeped-<-.

Not all such people are so forward, or so rude. Some are actually quite polite. I would not be so derisive towards them, though I would strongly encourage them to rethink their views.

It is no different than the men who would oggle my rear end or catcall me publicly. They are desiring me for my body and not my humanity. They are chauvinists.

I have known good straight men and have been with good straight men. They are not hard to find and are very much a testament to how progressive our culture has become.

But misogyny endures, and the men who perpetuate that need to be called out.

[DawnOday]

It's like the advice I give my own daughter. If you don't want fleas don't lie down with the dogs. I found in my life most of the bad juju is discovered around bars. I've never been pursued as a woman so I don't really know. But I have hung out at what we called Meat Markets back in the day. Redondo Beach Red Onion for example. My friends took me for my bachelor party because they knew I could have one last one night stand.

[CAB78]

I'm also in the UK and fairly new to this, but I'm out to the majority of my friends and my team at work. The experience has been really positive and I feel better for it, no need to pretend with my friends and less worry about being noticed at work. There are risks and that first time is really scary but it does get easier.

My main suggestion would be to pick who you come out to vary carefully and then go for it, with one person in a location where you can leave if you're uncomfortable. The friends I came out to first were gay and BI, they have experienced coming out and I felt would be more accepting because of it. They introduced me to their friends. Just be clear about your boundaries. I've been asked about having sex, said it's not what I'm looking for and the conversation moved on. You will lose some friends and who may be a surprise, but it's worth it in the long run if it's what you want.

As an alternative, maybe try your local LGBT network and make new friends.

I'm pretty busy, but if you want to message me I will reply.